It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 127

March 3, 1994

I had yesterday to compose myself and get myself together. Thom had called this morning, but I didn't really want to talk to him. At this point, it just felt wrong to speak to him. He understood, thank God. 

My mom didn't want to leave until Kurt and I had solved our issues, just to be on the safe side. I wasn't complaining because I loved that she was actually wanting to spend more time with us and wanting to be a part of our lives. 

Her and Lorelai were bonding very well and Melissa wasn't crying when my mom held her anymore. 

"Have you made up with Gretchen yet?" My mom asked. 

"No," I sarcastically chuckled as I changed Melissa's diaper. "She can apologize to me for having that outburst."

"You're stubborn."

"Should we take Melissa to a doctor?" I put her clothes back on and held her. "She barely speaks. I mean, she points to things and mumbles, but that's all."

"She's fine. Some babies take longer to speak."

"I just remember that Lorelai was a chatter box as soon as she could talk. Melissa over here is very quiet."

I put her down on the ground, then she giggled and ran towards her big sister. 

That was when I realized that I hadn't really been involved in my daughters' lives recently. I hadn't shut them out, but I wasn't really around them anymore. I had so much going on, but that was no excuse. 

I sat down in front of Melissa and put a block in my palm. 

"Block," I said slowly to her.

She took it from my hands and threw it. 

"Fine then," I ruffled Lorelai's hair.

"When is Daddy coming back?" Lorelai asked. 

"Soon," I replied. 

"I miss him."

"I do, too."

"Lorelai, there's someone on the phone for you," My mom hollered from the kitchen.

I went up into my bedroom and answered the phone. 

"Hello?" I asked. 

"Ruby?"

It was Dave.

"Hi, Dave."

"Sorry I never called you back yesterday, I was...busy."

"It's alright if you forgot."

"No, I was just angry that you randomly hung up in the middle of our conversation."

"I didn't want to hear Krist ramble about how insane I was."

"Well, if you would've stuck around a little longer, you would've heard me defending you-and Pat."

"Not Kurt?"

"Kurt's doing  his own thing."

"Where is he, Dave?"

"Relax. He's just at a different hotel. He needed some space. Are you doing alright?"

"I'm doing better, yeah. I had yesterday to really think about everything and kind of move past it, I guess. Kurt isn't handling it well, though."

"Have you talked to Shelli or Jennifer?"

"Fuck no, I don't plan on talking to them for a long time."

"Jennifer told me that she felt horrible the next day-she just didn't want you and Thom to do anything."

"Do they really think that if I was cheating with Thom that I would bring him around them? I mean, come on."

Dave chuckled. "Have you ever thought about cheating on Kurt?"

"Never. I would never do that to someone."

"Hang on, Ruby, I'm getting a call."

"Alright."

The line went silent as I sat on my bed, waiting for him to come back. 

After a couple minutes, I heard heavy breathing.

"Dave?" I was startled. "Are you okay?"

I heard him wailing and hitting the ground. 

"Dave," I was nervous, my insides twirling around. "What's wrong?"

"Kurt's dead!"