It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 161

We got this, I told myself internally. 

When we had practiced the dance for the first time, we did terrible. Actually, correction, I did terrible. I had no idea how to dance, but Ethan was just a pro at it. I was jealous and embarrassed at the same time. So he ended up teaching me how to dance and It was a really nice experience. 

"Do you want your blazer?" I asked Ethan. 

"No, you wear it. I have long sleeves on and you barely have any sleeves."

I put my arms through the holes then we stood up off of our chairs and walked towards the dance floor. In the middle of me walking, I tripped over my dress, and fell forward. I gasped and looked up, all eyes on me. I shook my head, but started to laugh out of embarrassment. 

Ethan turned around after hearing everyone laugh and he smiled and walked backwards, but ended up falling, too. 

I lost it. 

I laughed uncontrollably, gripping my stomach and so was everyone else. I couldn't breathe. 

Ethan stood up and held out his hand. "May I have this dance?"

I was still laughing really hard, mostly out of embarrassment. I put my hand in his and he helped me up, but I was about to fall backwards yet again, but he caught me. 

"Dear God, woman," Ethan chuckled. 

"I'm taking these fucking shoes off," I took off my shoes and put them on our table, then walked back onto the dance floor without tripping or falling this time. 

Dave sat at the stage and started to play the opening chords of "Fade into you" by Mazzy Star. Then, he started to sing. 

Ethan and I picked this song because when that song first came out, I didn't listen to it. It came out in 1993, but I had too much going on to even think about music at that point. The year after it came out, Dave wanted me to listen to it, but it was after Kurt's death and I didn't want to listen to music again because it reminded me of Kurt too much. 

Ethan suggested the song and at first, I didn't want to do it. But then, I listened to it and I immediately felt in love with the song. I had goosebumps all over my body and my hairs were sticking up on my arms and legs. It was such a beautiful song and I wanted it to be our song.

I put my hands and wrapped them around Ethan's neck as he put his hands around my waist. We started to sway back and forth. I thought about what had just happened and started to laugh again. Ethan started to laugh again, too. 

"That was so fucking ridiculous," I told him, wiping the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard. "You didn't actually fall, did you?"

"No, I faked it to make it less embarrassing for you."

I gasped. "You did that for me?"

"Ruby, I'd do anything for you. I'd embarrass myself for you-well, I already did just now. I'd sing for you. I'd take a bullet for you. I'd kill for you."

"Wow. You're being serious?"

"I'm being serious, Ruby."

I rested my head on his shoulder and started to softly tear up. 

This didn't feel real. That moment did not feel real, but I knew that it was and I was so thankful that it was real. I loved Ethan so much that I could not possibly describe it in words. He made me happy again and he made me believe in love. 

He didn't do drugs or overdose or try to kill himself. No, he helped everyone else around him. Even if he wanted to be suicidal, he wouldn't even have been able to because he was always so worried about everyone else-in a good way, not a bad way.