It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 140

Everyone decided to sleep in the living room that way if Kurt did come by, we would hear him better. I prayed and prayed and prayed that Kurt would be walking through the front door that night. I needed to see him. I had watched practically every video on our camera of him. I missed him. 

I felt really empty and lonely as I saw that everyone else was asleep on the floor, but I wasn't. I wanted someone else to be awake that way I could at least talk to something. I was really debating on whether or not I should grab a shoe and throw it at Dave to wake him up. He probably wouldn't be too if I did that. 

All of a sudden, I heard the front door handle wiggle around. 

My stomach fell and I started to get scared. 

What if someone was breaking in?

I shook Krist vigorously, attempting to wake him up, but he wasn't budging. I didn't have a lot of time because I already heard the screen door slam against the wall. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a knife out of our drawer and hid on the floor, trying to make myself not visible to whoever it was. 

The front door opened and there were footsteps. 

I started to breathe heavier, so I covered my mouth, trying to make myself not be heard. 

"What the fucking hell?" I heard a man's voice. 

I knew who it was. 

I knew exactly who it was. 

My heart stopped. 

I was in disbelief. 

I stood up and turned the corner of the island and saw the silhouette of a shadow. 

There was someone standing in my living room and I was almost one hundred percent certain I knew who it was. 

I turned on the light and screamed at the sight. 

I couldn't believe it. 

"KURT!" I screamed and ran to him and hugged him. I started to sob and I grabbed onto him tightly. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God."

"Ruby?" His voice quivered.

I felt his hands roam all over my body and push me into him. 

But then he pulled me away from him. 

He didn't look happy. 

He looked really confused. 

"What are you doing here?" He asked. "I thought you were supposed to be in L.A."

"Are you fucking serious?!" I shouted. "I'm so fucking happy to see you, too! You know, I thought I was never going to see you ever again! I thought I was never going to hear your fucking voice again! I thought that I had lost you forever! As soon as I saw you, I was so fucking happy and all my doubts went away. But you. You are so fucking confused because I am supposed to be in L.A. YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN L.A. RIGHT NOW, BUT I HAD TO FLY BACK. CAN YOU GUESS WHY?! CAN YOU FUCKING GUESS WHY, KURT?!"

He was crying. "Why?"

"BECAUSE YOU ESCAPED REHAB THAT YOU WERE FREE TO JUST LEAVE! YOU CLIMBED THE FENCE AND LEFT!"

"Can you stop shouting?!" Dave yelled. 

I dragged Kurt by his arm and pushed him out in the backyard. 

"WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING THINKING?!" I slammed the door behind me. 

"She's going to kill him!" I heard Krist yell from inside. 

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT, KURT!" I was bawling. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! DEAD! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE THOUGHT YOU DIED?! MORE THAN I CAN COUNT! YOU HAVE CAUSED ME SO MUCH PAIN IN MY LIFE AND I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE IT!"

I made up my mind. 

"I'm leaving," I said. 

I went back inside and up into our bedroom. 

I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't take the pain that he was putting me through anymore. He was going to have to find someone else that would put up with his shit, because I couldn't do it anymore. 

I packed a couple of clothes, my toiletries, and a couple of other random shit into a suitcase. I dragged it downstairs and saw Kurt waiting by the stairs. 

"Where are you going?" He softly asked. 

"Wherever you're not!" I yelled at him, making him flinch. 

"Don't go, Ruby," He begged. "Please don't leave."

"Then maybe you should've thought this through because I don't fucking deserve this, Kurt, and you know it. Now, I'm leaving whether you like it or not."

"Where are you going to go?"

"Wherever you've been these past couple days."

"But you don't know where I've been."

"And you won't know where I've been."