It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 116

He hugged me and gently rubbed my back. 

"I love you so much," He told me. 

"I love you too, Dave," I smiled. 

He let go of me. "Go talk to your husband."

"Will you come with me?"

"I'll be near you guys in case things get out of hand."

We both walked upstairs and into Kurt's and my bedroom. I found Kurt sitting down on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. As soon as the floorboard creaked, he looked up at me. 

"Ruby," He sighed. 

I turned around and gave Dave a face that he knew was his signal to leave. I shut the door and slowly made my way over to Kurt. 

"Don't touch me," I warned him. "Just not yet, okay?"

"Alright. Ruby, I'm so sorry."

"I know you are. I'm just really hurt that you would keep something like that from me. How long have you had that for?"

"I don't know, Ruby."

"Since before we moved here, right?"

"Yeah, that's correct."

"Where are they?!" Krist's voice echoed. 

"They're in the bedroom; calm down," Dave said. 

I chuckled and took a hard look at Kurt. 

It was as if all the anger that I felt about him vanished. I felt so bad for him. He would never purposefully hurt me. Kurt wasn't like that. He always went out of his way to make sure that he could help me in any way that I needed. He put me before him, but that was mostly because he didn't care about himself. 

He didn't care about himself in any way, shape, or form. He hated how he looked and how he acted. He hated everything about himself, and I could tell that whenever I was angry at him, that only made him feel worse about himself. He probably beat himself up for letting me find that box and that made my heart break. 

"Kurt, are you okay?" I asked him. 

He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair. "You're asking me if I'm okay?"

"Yes."

"You hurt yourself, Ruby."

"I know, I know." I hated hearing that. It kept reminding me of what I did and I didn't want to be reminded of it. But I knew that I deserved to. 

He looked down at my arm-my left arm. He held his hand out and I nodded my head. He held my wrist and examined my arm. He started to cry and gently rubbed his fingers over the cuts. 

"I've never seen anyone do that before," He told me.

"Well, you didn't see me do it."

"I mean I've never seen it before," He looked straight into my eyes. "Have you done this before?"

"No, no, I've never done it before. I've never even really thought about it before. I talked to a therapist about it and she thinks I've been bottling things up and this was the breaking point."

"God, I'm so so sorry, Ruby."

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we go do something?"

"What?"

"Just you and I? Can we go do something?"

"Right now?"

"Yes."

"Alright, yeah."

I smiled as he let go of my wrist and held my hand instead. We walked out of the bedroom and went downstairs and found everyone in the living room. 

"We can pick up Frances if you want?" Kurt suggested. "I haven't seen that bean in a long time."

"Yeah, we can get her once we're done hanging out."

"You guys are going out?" Dave asked. 

"Yeah, Mom, are you fine with watching the girls?" I asked her. 

"Sure," She did not seem too fond of the idea of Kurt and I going out together. 

I could understand where she was coming from. I just needed some alone time with Kurt to sort things out. 

"We'll be back," I smiled and walked out of the house with my husband.