Longing (Steve Rogers x reader)

Pining

"That's such a cute movie" Wanda sighed happily, still sitting on the floor in front of Nat. Natasha was curled up with Bruce who looked like he was enjoying himself.
"You look pleased" Loki looked at you with a raised eyebrow.
"It's such a romantic movie" you smiled broadly. "Can you imagine, just falling in love like that?" you asked with a sigh.
"I do not wish to, however, why don't you date?" Loki prodded a bit and you could feel a lot of eyes on you from around the room. You looked at Nat pleadingly, but the look she gave you told you that you were on your own.
"I'm too busy working" you finally mumbled out.
"Surely you can find some time to go on a few dates. I've been using Tinder, it's a wonderful little thing. Let me help you make a profile. You need to get out there and start dating again" Loki gave a mischievous smile. Your eyes were on him, but his eyes were on Steve whose face darkened at the idea of you starting to date. "Come on, pass me your phone" Loki pushed it a bit. Steve pulled his arm off the back of the couch as you unsurely took your phone out and handed it to Loki with a lot of hesitation. You didn't want to start dating, but it might be better than pining for someone who barely noticed that you existed. Loki took your phone with ease and Steve stood up suddenly.
"Ready for our walk, punk?" Bucky asked expectantly.
"In a little bit. I want to go to my room for a bit" Steve gave him a curt nod and left the room without another word. Loki continued to play with your phone before handing it back to you. He had already finished making a profile for you and had the app open to start making choices to swipe right or left.
"Thank you, Loki" you closed the app and put your phone back in your pocket. You forced a yawn and stood up. "Thank you for the movie night" you gave a smile.
"Headed to bed?" Bruce asked curiously.
You shook your head, not wanting to admit since Steve wasn't there, you would rather be in your room. "I'm going to read for a little bit" you started heading out.
"Try to take my advice, pet" Loki murmured to you.
"Maybe" you shrugged and went to the upper floors where your room was. Steve's room was right by the bottom of the stairs and you looked over longingly, wanting to knock on his door to see if he was okay. You heaved a sigh and went up the stairs, and down the hallway to your room.

You laid back on your couch, keeping an eye on the time for when it was almost sunset. You didn't want to miss your chance to see the boys go for the evening walk. Oh, how you wished you could just casually just join them. You wanted so badly to be a part of their friend group, mainly to get to know Steve Rogers just a little more. If anything, he had held your attention for over a year. You had just gotten out of a nasty breakup before you joined the Avengers, and at first you thought it was because he was the most handsome man you had ever seen. But that attraction never went away. You weren't really up for the dating game, but maybe Loki was right. It was time to move on, and get your mind off of Steve. You couldn't just sit there and obsess over him, and make excuses not to go out and meet new people. He would never get over Peggy, that much you assumed. You also didn't want to be the runner up in any relationship. You wanted to be the one that they thought of as soon as they woke up in the morning, and the last thing they thought of when they went to sleep. You stood up and started making some tea, taking out your phone again, and looked at the app Loki downloaded. You groaned a little, and opened it up and took it seriously, reading each profile carefully before swiping. You heard a knock at the door and Loki stood there with a bit of a grin on his face.
"Mind if I join you for some tea?" he asked politely.
"Please, come in. I was just about to..." you started to say you were going to sit outside. It was sunset.
"Go sit on your balcony, I remember your habits" he nodded and swept into the room. "I see you took my advice" he smiled softly.
"You were right, it's been over a year since I've been on a date. I've had plenty of time to get over everything. I don't know... I just want to be someone's priority, you know? I hate the whole dance of dating, when you aren't even sure there is any attraction there" you gnawed a bit at your bottom lip. You went back and made a second cup of tea before bringing the bright yellow mug to Loki, carrying the matching one and the two of you went out onto your balcony and sat down on the swing. You pulled out your phone and started going through it again.
"He's cute" Loki pointed at the profile you were reading.
"It says professional photographer, and he's in front of the compound in one of the pictures. Paparazzi" you shook your head and swiped no. You didn't need to bring that into the compound. You heard voices and looked up hopefully to see Bucky and Sam walking, but no Steve tonight. You pouted slightly, which wasn't missed by Loki who hid a secret smile. You sipped at your tea and hummed to yourself a little bit going back to your phone. You yelped slightly when your phone dinged that you made a match, and the man had reached out to you already.
"And?" Loki slid a little closer to you. "Someone said hello, aren't you going to write back?" he asked quickly.
"I'm thinking," you flushed. You didn't expect any matches this quickly. You quickly wrote back a quick hello and stared at your phone for a moment. Your heart was pounding, and you felt like your hands were sweating. You sighed softly when they didn't respond, and you put your phone to the side, deciding to focus on enjoying your tea instead.
"That was short lived" Loki chuckled.
"I don't know if I'm ready yet" you sighed softly. "I have a crush on someone" you finally admitted.
"On the Captain, yes I've noticed, but he hasn't" Loki shrugged, and sipped his tea.
"Am I that obvious?" you asked, with your cheeks painted pink.
"Only to those that are watching for it" he didn't lie to you. You appreciated that.
"Maybe that's why he doesn't talk to me much" you huffed.
"I highly doubt that he's noticed your affections" Loki shook his head.
"He's still in love with Peggy" you whispered, watching as Bucky and Sam made their way back towards the compound since the sun was done setting.
"Is he?" Loki asked, and you looked at him but he sipped his tea instead.
"Everyone knows that" you sighed heavily and sat back in your seat more. You finished your tea, since Loki chose silence as a response and you set your mug on the small side table you had outside.
"I'll leave you to it, I'll see you in the morning. Thank you for the tea" Loki stood up and went to put his mug in your kitchenette. You followed him inside, putting your mug in the sink, and you took a moment to wash both cups and put them to the side.
"I'll see you in the morning Loki" you gave a small smile, and opened your fridge to grab a peach for a snack. Loki quickly left and you grabbed your book again, laying across your couch and going back to reading. You didn't realize that Loki had left your door open, until you heard footsteps. You sat up quickly and looked over to see Steve looking like he had paused for a moment outside your door.
"Hi" he flushed, having gotten caught peeking in your suite.
"Hi Steve" you gave a warm smile. "Loki must have forgotten to close the door" you stood up, throwing out your peach pit. Steve gulped looking at you, and waited a moment before giving a shy smile and nodding.
"Um, dogs" he finally got out and you looked at him curiously. "Why don't you get one?"
"I'm just worried I won't make it back from a mission and there won't be anyone to take care of it" you answered honestly. "Or there won't be anyone to take care of it while I'm on missions"
"I can help, I love dogs" he gave a bit more of a smile and you found yourself blushing under his sudden attention.
"You're normally on missions with me, remember?" you asked softly.
"I just think, if you want a dog, you should get one. We can all help as a family" he leaned against your door frame, jutting out his hips slightly. You stood in the middle of your room entranced by him. He seemed so calm. Little did you know, his heart was racing just as much as yours was.
"Maybe" you nodded, licking your lips slowly and his gaze fell to your lips for a moment.
"Hey punk, you missed out on our walk" Bucky's voice came from down the hallway.
"Goodnight, Y/N" Steve gave a soft smile, and you nodded at him. He smiled to himself and started on his way towards Bucky before you closed the door to your suite. You smiled happily that he actually talked to you about something other than work for a change and flopped back onto your couch.

Saturday morning after breakfast, you found yourself doing the same thing you did every weekend that you weren't at Clint's place. You strategically placed yourself in the living room, waiting on Steve to come in to do his sketching like normal. He was running behind today, and you wondered silently about it. You finally gave up and laid across the entire couch, laying on your stomach in your pink summer dress with lace detailing on it. You liked how it was a soft pink, and it was made of cotton so it was pretty soft. You kicked your feet up and down as you listened to some music softly. It was mainly sad songs, which matched your mood. Right now you were listening to Jake Scott's "Working for you", and singing softly to it as it went. You looked over to Steve's normal spot to find it empty and gave a sad, soft sigh. You were trying to concentrate on your book, but it was hard when he was your every thought from the time you woke up, until the time you went to bed. You knew you should take Loki's advice, and start dating again. You just didn't think it was fair to a potential partner, if your heart remained elsewhere. You looked at your phone, it was almost eleven. He was always in the living room right after breakfast, and seated by nine. You pouted slightly to yourself that you wouldn't get to see your eye candy for today. It wasn't like you had the guts to go and bang on his door and ask him why he wasn't in the living room with you. You had gotten so used to this routine over the last year, it was odd that he wasn't following the same routine. You opened up Tinder and saw you had more matches since last night and saw you had a few more people had written to you. You scrunched your nose and closed the app again, with your heart thudding in your chest. You weren't sure if you were ready to let go of your one sided crush yet.
"That's a fine set of legs right there" Sam came into the room as you flipped the page in your book and you looked up in surprise. "What are you up to?" he came in and sat down in one of the arm chairs, putting his feet up on the coffee table. He looked like he had just come back from a hike, with a sheen of sweat on his brow.
"Reading, as usual" you shrugged. You checked the time again, it was almost lunch time. "What are you up to?" you countered quickly.
"Just getting back from a hike with Steve and Bucky" Sam gave a proud smile. "How is the tinder search going?"
"I don't know what Loki was thinking" you rolled your eyes. "What ever happened to meeting someone the old fashioned way?"
"I agree with you, but it's hard in this line of work" he reminded you, seeming to be almost probing you in a way. "What's with the sad music today?"
"It matches my mood" you shrugged again, and looked back at your book. "I just have a lot on my mind, stuff I need to get past. It helps that it feels like someone relates"
"Stuff from missions?" he asked, leaning forward a little bit, seeming to be getting more invested in the conversation.
"Nah, it's just personal stuff" you shook your head.
"Steve and Bucky should be here soon, to watch their movie" Sam seemed to be watching you closely. You didn't know why, but that seemed to hurt. You didn't know they were going out today, and you felt like you wished you would have known. You wouldn't have put on makeup or a dress and laid in the living room all morning if you had known otherwise.
"Hmm" you nodded, trying to concentrate on your book. "You broke me first" by Tate Mcrae came on and you softly sang to the music, feeling like you really had to make a decision. It had been over a year since you had been pining over Steve. He wasn't getting over Peggy, and proof of that was the fact that he always carried her picture with him everywhere.
"There's my Songbird" Nat came into the room, making her way over to you slowly. She gave you an appraising eye, and took in the music and nodded softly to herself. "You are getting up and getting out today" she took your book.
"Hey! I was reading that" you pouted.
"We are going out, you're not doing yourself any good staying in and feeling sorry for yourself" she held out a hand and you took it getting up slowly from the couch. "I'll message Tony we won't be at lunch" she let you grab your phone and she put your romance novel on one of the end tables. She held fast onto your hand and started leading you out of the room, just as Bucky and Steve started to come in. Steve stopped to watch you as you passed by, and you gave him a sad smile as Nat pulled on your hand.
"Where are you two troublemakers off to?" Bucky asked, since words seemed to fail Steve again. "It's almost lunch time"
"We are getting out of the compound for a bit" Nat shrugged, stopping momentarily. You had a moment to look at Steve from under your eyelashes and saw he was looking at both of you confused. You turned off your music as the song ended, and put your phone in your bra. "Go get your purse" she instructed, and you let go of her hand long enough to leave. You could feel eyes watching you, but you figured the only eyes watching you were Natasha's.