Longing (Steve Rogers x reader)

You

You looked away from the television to watch Steve. He always seemed so calm and collected, and you admired that about him. You felt so attracted to him in both mind and body. You loved how he grabbed his chest when he had a good belly laugh, how he grew out a beard to hide how easily he blushed, how he always weighed his words before speaking... The list really went on. Oh how you wanted to run your hands through his hair, or feel his beard rub against your face in a passionate kiss. You wanted to have a full conversation with him that wasn't about missions for a change. He just seemed so far away from you. You figured he was still in love with Peggy. That relationship was never a secret, and his pining for her was never a secret in the compound. Clint told you he thought Steve was moving on, but you didn't believe him. Love was so hard to find. You couldn't bring yourself to date, because no man ever measured up to the man that had your attention. Steve. You knew it could never be, Peggy aside, he was all about work and rarely took a break. You liked to leave work at work, and enjoy yourself a little bit. One thing that you did have was the living room. You had noticed that Steve would hang out in the living room after missions were over and on the weekends and either work on his reports, doing his art, or reading. Sometimes he would watch an action movie with Bucky, or the history channel. You lived for the living room. Nat knew about your severe crush on Steve, and tried to get you to make a move, but you always shook your head shyly. You didn't think you could grab his attention.
You flicked your eyes over and watched as Steve finished his report and moved a little in his seat, keeping his laptop on his lap and he closed it only to turn his head and start watching the documentary. You studied his demeanor, noticing tonight he looked a little uncomfortable. You saw his eyes start to flick towards you, and you quickly looked back at the tv screen, afraid of getting caught. Nat looked at you with a knowing smirk and you felt your cheeks flush. You knew she caught you again. Clint started practicing his braiding skills on your hair again and you barely moved. You knew he was practicing to do some hairstyles on you for his daughter Lila. Lila always got Clint to do a fun hairstyle on her Saturday mornings before they went out riding on their horses. Clint used to practice on Natasha, but since you had come around, Clint started practicing on you more since you spent so much time in the living room. He would come to join you, since you liked similar documentaries. You had both bonded over it and became quick friends when you first started. He had been the first one to take you under his wing. He helped train you in the gym, and then eventually on weapons. You grew close, and Nat started coming around, shortly followed by Bruce. The four of you had a lot of fun together. Nat and Clint acted like they were your parents even though they were around the same age as you.
"That was cool" Clint was entranced by the TV, still playing in your hair. You had missed it, you were watching Steve from the side of your eyes again. One of the reasons why it took you so long to do your report. He was your favorite distraction. You looked at the TV to see a wolf feeding on a deer and you scrunched your nose.
"Poor Bambi," you murmured.
"Bambi was practically waving her tail in his face. No wonder the wolf went for the throat" Clint countered quickly.
"Is that how you ended up dating Laura?" you asked and Clint had the good sense to flush and chuckle.
"No, she lit up the room for me. I chased after her for a while. I was too nervous to talk to her at first, but once I did, I couldn't shut up" he gave a grin. "I've been in love with her from day one," he admitted.
"I hope I find a love like that someday" you accidentally said out loud, and from the corner of your eye you saw Steve look over quite suddenly.
"You never talk about dating," Clint chuckled, knowing exactly why. You just shrugged in response.
"Someday" you sighed whimsically. You internally thought you had to get over Steve first, looking at him through the side of your eye again. Clint pulled a little more on your hair and you let out a small yelp.
"Sorry" he quickly apologized.
"Lila will not be as forgiving," you reminded him.
"Don't I know it. I was watching this video on YouTube on how to do a special braid" he started to lead up to a question, but you knew what was coming. You rolled off of the couch and sat down between his legs on the floor. You pulled a double edged knife from Clint's boot, and started flipping the knife between your fingers playfully as you tried to focus on the tv screen. Clint tugged a little at your hair as he continued trying to do his special braid. Nat looked over curiously and started instructing him on how to fix it. You closed your eyes and just continued to listen to the documentary, and pretended it was Steve's hands carding through your hair. Gently pulling, and caressing at the nape of your neck. You hummed happily as you felt a third hand start playing in your hair, feeling at peace. You could feel like someone was watching you, but you didn't want to open your eyes and ruin the spell.
"All done," Clint suddenly exclaimed, seeming satisfied with himself. You took the knife and put it back in his boot, finally opening your eyes and seeing Steve look over. You flushed and looked away after holding his gaze for a moment and brought your hand up to feel his handiwork. He had made a fishtail braid, and it felt pretty well done.
"It looks swell," Bucky grinned from his spot in front of the TV. "I'm sure Lila appreciates all your hard work, Clint"
"She likes the new hairstyles. It gives us some father daughter time together, which I always love. Connor and Nathaniel are easy, they like going out and doing target practice with the B.B. guns. Lila likes the hairstyles and horseback riding on Saturdays" Clint grinned to himself.
"Shouldn't you be packing?" Nat reminded him.
"Yeah, I have a bunch of laundry to do when I get home tomorrow after we are done in the gym," Clint nodded. "You're working on your powers in the morning again, aren't you?" Clint looked pulled slightly at the bottom of your braid teasingly.
"Yeah, he wants to test how long I can hold my invisibility for" you rolled your eyes. "I mean, it's clearly not long enough, since I need a break once in a while. I'm getting better at it" you gave a small smile.
"Hard to believe you got your powers from a chemistry experiment gone wrong in college" Nat grinned.
"That was years ago," you giggled.
"It's amazing you stayed off everyone's radar for so long" Clint tugged at the bottom of your hair again and you tipped your head back to look at him.
"Lucky for me, Tony found me first" you smiled happily.
"I still can't believe you did street fighting," Clint chuckled.
"A girl needs to make money somehow" you shrugged. "McDonalds doesn't pay enough money, and I learned how to fight as a kid because I got bullied a lot"
"Stevie used to get bullied a lot too" Bucky looked to Steve who looked at him pleadingly. "He was such a small little guy"
"Nothing wrong with the little guy" you flushed, wondering if you would have gotten Steve's attention if he had never met Peggy. "I guess we have that in common Steve. Neither of us like bullies" you gave him a gentle smile and he smiled in response and nodded. You felt like your stomach was in knots. You at least tried to pull him into the conversation, but again tonight it felt like he just would rather keep to himself.
"That was a long time ago" he finally answered and you looked at him hopefully. "But we do have that in common" he gave a soft smile, you saw the distinct blush on his cheeks as he reached up and scratched a bit at his beard. Likely trying to take your attention away from his blush. You wished so badly you could go over and just kiss him, but you didn't have that bravery, or that kind of relationship.
"Since I have you this weekend, what chick flick are we making Bruce watch tomorrow night?" Nat wiggled her eyebrows at you, after a pregnant silence. You finally tore your eyes away from Steve and thought about it for a moment.
"Twenty seven dresses" you gave a smile. "I love that movie"
"We've never seen it, mind if we join you?" Bucky asked. The last thing he wanted to do was watch a chick flick, but he knew Steve wouldn't have the balls to ask you if he could join.
"The more the merrier" Nat shrugged. "If you can handle a chick flick"
"Call it catching up to the times" Bucky looked at Steve with a wink.
"Yeah, sounds like fun," Steve nodded quickly.
"Well, I have a mission in the morning. Come on Songbird" Nat patted you on the shoulder, calling you her nickname for you. You flushed a bit and stood up quickly. "You have an early morning," she reminded you.
"Yeah, I almost forgot" you fidgeted a bit. You were a little sad to be leaving, Steve was finally talking tonight.
"We can all talk tomorrow night" Nat seemed to read your mind. You forced a yawn, and covered your mouth before grabbing your laptop.
"Good night" you started to leave the room but stopped to look over your shoulder one last time at Steve who gave a small smile and a wave to you. You flushed again, and heard Clint chuckle at it. You gave him a soft glare and he raised both of his hands as though in surrender and Nat led you out.

You got to your room on the second floor, which was conveniently next to Natasha and Bruce's soundproofed suite, and changed quickly into a long t-shirt and grabbed a book before heading out onto the balcony and sitting down to watch the rest of the sunset. You loved the balcony swing that you had bought as an addition to your room. Bruce and Nat had a small table and chairs on their balcony that was only cut off by a small railing between the two balconies. When you had joined the team, the only room they had left available was a couple suite, and no one else wanted the upgrade. You loved your suite with the small kitchenette for you to make tea, and have a small fridge always filled with water. You loved your living room that was wall to wall full of bookshelves. You really loved your soaker tub in the bathroom with the standing shower beside it. To top it all off, you had a king sized bed with a walk in closet as well. You loved the little library you had made in your living room. Sometimes even Loki came over to borrow a book or two to starve off the boredom. He sometimes stayed for tea to talk about books for a while. You liked chatting with him, but he always seemed to be holding back, afraid of insulting you. You knew he craved friendship, but didn't know how to go about it. You were letting him come around on his own. You closed your eyes, listening to your music coming out of your phone, softly filling the evening air. You heard a noise and looked down to see Bucky, Sam and Steve were out for their evening walk. You had perfect timing again tonight. You smiled softly and rocked yourself as you watched the three of them make their way along the grounds, their voices muffled from the distance. You imagined what it would be like to be in their friend group, and wondered if you could fit in with them as easily as you did with Clint, Natasha and Bruce. You waited until they disappeared around the building and sighed to yourself before standing up and making your way back inside to go to bed. Nat was right, it was an early morning and Tony's training sometimes could be brutal.