The Holiday That Changed My Life

Part One Hundred and Twenty Seven

It's been a few days since the results of our tests and me and Aston have been great, weirdly enough it brought us closer together, which I didn't think was possible.

I didn't have to be in work today so I decided to stay in my design room for a little while and get a few ideas down so I at least had something ready for when I do actually go back to work. Aston still had to go into work, which sucked, I hated having days off and he was in work. They had some more studio sessions booked to finish off the album, and Aston missed the last two with the fertility tests going on and everything.

But at four o'clock this afternoon, Aston strolled in from work, a lot earlier than I thought and before I even got to say hello he just blurted out something that I wasn't expecting him to say at all.

"Listen I went down to the hospital this afternoon and I managed to get a few profiles for some sperm donors." Aston said as he came through the front door, grabbing some sheets of paper out of his bag.

"W-What?" I stuttered, sitting up on the couch as Aston sat down next to me.

"Yeah I thought we might as well have a look through and at least have an idea, you know, just in case."

"Aston I-"

"I think this guy is the best way to go, he's got the same colour hair as me, same coloured eyes-" Aston rambled, looking at a sheet of paper with lots of information on, holding a separate piece of paper which I presumed to be the one he was talking about.

"Ast-"

"I mean there's a few more that we could look at but this one is-"

"Aston!" I laughed, taking the piece of paper off him.

"What?" He asked innocently, with a frown on his face as he looked up at me.

"I don't care if this guy's the most perfect guy in the world, he's not you." I said, taking his hand in mine, repeating what he'd told me after we'd found out the results from the doctors.

"But if he's going to give you a baby then-"

"Ast listen, if I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant with him or anybody else. It's not about just having a baby, it's about having a baby with you." I told him, raising my hand to rest it on the side of his face.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure." I smiled as he squeezed my hand.

"Thank god! I don't want to do this either, I was just going along with this because I thought it was what you wanted."

"Yeah I want a baby, but I only want one with you, not some random guy who we only know by paper." I laughed, throwing the paper onto the coffee table.

"So I guess we've only got three options left." Aston sighed, throwing himself back onto the couch, keeping hold of my hand so I leaned back with him.

"Actually it's just two," I admitted as Aston frowned at me. "I can't do surrogacy Ast, I just can't. I can't go through watching another woman carry our baby, reminding me every time we see her that I'm just a huge failure because I can't do that."

"You're not a failure, this isn't your fault," Aston tutted, wrapping his arms around me. "I don't think I wanna do the surrogacy thing either, be a bit weird rubbing another woman's stomach."

"Yeah I guess." I giggled as Aston smiled back at me, happy that he'd managed to put a genuine smile on my face.

"But you do know that if nothing else works for us, we have to try it."

"Only as a last resort," I said forcefully as Aston nodded, kissing the side of my head. "So that just leaves us with adoption."

"And trying to conceive ourselves," He pointed out. "Babe the doctor said we've got a fifty-fifty chance, we can still keep trying."

"What's the point? We've been trying for a year now and nothing's happened, we might as well adopt and get on with it." I sighed.

"Tell you what, I'll make you a deal," Aston said, ignoring my negative comment. "We'll keep trying for another year, and if we're still not pregnant by then, we can adopt."

"Yeah I guess." I sighed, tracing over Astons tattoos with my finger.

"Look, I know this is hard, I hate it too, but thinking negatively isn't going to help us," He told me, squeezing me a little in his arms. "This is just-"

"Something we have to do, I know." I sighed as Aston kissed my head.

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