The Holiday That Changed My Life

Part Sixty Two

"Take all the time you want babes." Aston told me as he came back upstairs with our pizza, setting it down in front of us, along with another can each.

It'd been ten minutes since I'd decided that I was going to tell Aston about Lilly, so he had had to go downstairs and get the pizza as the oven was beeping like crazy. I'd figured out how I was going to tell him about Lilly, I was just scared because I've never spoken to anyone about her like this.

"I was sixteen," I started, staring at Astons wall, clutching my phone in my hands. "It was at the after party for prom, we'd drunk a lot, and then one thing led to another. I couldn't tell you who the father was because I don't remember."

"Understandable." Aston said, throwing his crust onto the plate.

"Basically I got pregnant with Lilly and she was two weeks early," I smiled, still staring at the wall, remembering the exact moment that she was born.

"She was this tiny, gorgeous little baby. She had dark brown hair and the normal baby blue eyes...When the nurse passed her to me I burst into tears, I couldn't believe she was my daughter, she was just so beautiful."

"She was bound to be, look at you." Aston smiled, knocking my knee with his own before passing me a piece of pizza.

"I couldn't get over how much I loved her, I didn't want to put her down. I'd put her in her cot and just stare at her..I brought her home from the hospital and everyone couldn't get enough of her, she wasn't put down," I said before taking a bite of pizza, Aston hanging on my every word.

"I wasn't the best mum-"

"Babe don't say that!" He frowned, taking my hand in his and squeezing it tight.

"It's true! I didn't know why she was crying, I didn't know how to change her and I got it wrong so many times, I messed up."

"You were sixteen! You were still a kid yourself, plus it was your first time, course you were going to get things wrong." Aston told me as he ran his thumb over the top of my hand.

"To cut a long story short, it was a cot death, three days before my seventeenth birthday." I breathed out as I looked down at my phone.

"That must've been rough." He sighed, squeezing my hand gently as I looked back at him.

"It was the worst moment of my life," I said quietly, the lump forming in my throat as my eyes welled up with tears. "I remember being so proud of her for sleeping all the way through, but when I went in the next morning I couldn't wake her up! I picked her up to try and shake her out of it but she was cold, it'd already happened."

"Alright, hey, you don't have to say any more," Aston said as he wrapped his arms around me for like the fourth time this evening as the tears started to flow.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye!" I cried into Astons shoulder.

"I know, I'm sorry baby," He muttered as he pressed a kiss against my temple, running his hand over my hair. "I don't even know what to say..But what I do know is that your little girl loved you so so much, and she'll be with you every minute of every day."

That just made my tears worse. Ast was being so sweet and genuine, and he actually listened, cared even. Not like Andy who just dismissed it completely and then comes out with stuff like he did tonight with that awful smirk, like he was making fun of me.

Aston sat there with me cradled in his arms for a few minutes, telling me funny little stories from his rehearsals and the studio in an attempt to take my mind off Lilly so that I'd calm down.

"Do you want to see a picture of her?" I asked as I sat up, picking my phone up.

"Luce you don't have to." Aston said quietly, using his thumbs to wipe away the bits of mascara from under my eyes.

"No I want to," I smiled weakly as I slid my screen across to show Aston my wallpaper of Lilly on the day she was born. "I've got more but this is the first one." I said as I passed him my phone.

"Wow...She's so got your nose," He chuckled as I smiled back at him. "Babe she's absolutely gorgeous."

"Here look at this one." I smiled, taking my phone and picking the right picture.

"Look at her face! She looks dead proud of herself!" Aston laughed as he swiped through my endless amount of pictures of Lilly. "What's this?"

"It's just a video I took of her, just playing with her toys, mumbling to herself." I said as Aston pressed play and the sound of Lilly's voice filled the room.

"She's so cute," Aston said quietly as the video ended and he passed me my phone back and I took one last look at Lilly before locking my phone and putting it on the bedside table.

"And if it's possible, I think I love you even more." He smiled softly, bringing his hand up to rest on my cheek before delicately pressing his lips against mine.

"I love you too."