The Holiday That Changed My Life

Part One Hundred and Eighteen

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I don't think I actually believed that my dad was gone until the funeral. I broke down when his coffin was lowered into the ground. I realised then that I'd never be able to see him again, I'd never be able to ring him up for a chat or moan about mum to him.

I'm almost positive I've never been this heartbroken in my life. I've spent days on end crying, it's even affected my work. All of my designs are black and the lines are insanely dark, I took them into the monthly meeting and they told me its the worst work I've ever done. But I just can't concentrate at all. We've even pushed back our wedding because I've not been able to focus on the planning.

As for Aston, he's been walking on eggshells around me, mainly because after the funeral I started to lash out at people and Aston was the first. I just went off on one and I said some of the most horrible things to him, I think I recall telling him that I hate him? I don't hate him, of course I don't, I love him, I wouldn't still be marrying him if I didn't.

But he's been brilliant over the last couple of weeks despite everything. He was amazing at the funeral, he held my hand and kept composure the whole time. And then I went and said all of that stuff and even hit him.

A few weeks after the funeral we kind of got back to normal, he was still tiptoeing around me and I was still a bit distant but I think that was because both of us didn't want to bring up the conversation first. So when Aston came home from work on Friday evening I decided to make the first move.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked Aston as he came into our bedroom, throwing his bag down by the dresser.

"Sure but make it quick babe, I've not got long." He said, shrugging himself out of his jacket and hanging it on the back of the door.

"Not got long? Why? Where are you going?" I frowned as he lifted his shirt over his head and threw it into the wash basket.

"Out for a few drinks with the lads, we're meeting up in town in about half an hour."

"Right." I sighed, watching him as he undressed and grabbed a towel out of the cupboard ready for his shower. So much for this talk.

Aston didn't say anything, he just went into the bathroom and locked the door before I heard the shower running. But he was only in there for a matter of minutes before he came out with a fresh pair of underwear on and drying his hair lightly with a towel.

"When did you plan on going out tonight?"

"About an hour ago."

"Didn't you think to call and ask?"

"Ask? Since when did I need your permission to go out?" He frowned, throwing on a pair of jeans.

"Well what if I'd had something planned?"

"Have you?" He challenged, raising his eyebrows after putting a clean t shirt on.

"No, but that's not the point."

"Babe I've spent every day with you since your dad died, I just need to go out and let off some steam."

"No you've not, you've just been here. We've not spent time together."

"Well maybe that's because my fiancé kicks off every time I speak to her!"

"I didn't mean-"

"Or maybe it's the fact that I'm too scared to speak to you incase you lash out at me again!"

"Ast I didn't mean to," I stuttered, climbing off the bed as he turned around to gel his hair. "I-It was just the once."

"Once is enough."

"This was what I wanted to talk to you about," I sighed, sitting at the dresser beside the mirror. "Ast I'm so sorry for lashing out at you, I was just upset a-and I didn't know what to do."

"And you thought hitting me was gonna make it better?"

"At the time, yeah, I was just angry and I needed to take it out on someone."

"Luce I'm not gonna lie you scared the hell out of me. You told me you hated me and then hit me, you looked like you genuinely hated me."

"Ast I don't hate you, you know that right?" I asked, taking his hand as he put his pot of gel down.

"I guess, I mean-"

"No guessing," I said, shaking my head as I stood up. "I love you so much. And you've been incredible for these last few weeks and I've just thrown it back in your face."

"Kind of, but-"

"I'm so so sorry I said I hate you, I could never hate you no matter what. And I'm so sorry I hit you, I feel so bad about it..I've just lost my dad, Ast I can't lose you too." I said as the tears steadily rolled down my face.

"You're not gonna lose me," Aston sighed, squeezing my hands. "I just don't wanna be scared of my girlfriend every time she gets annoyed."

"You don't have to be, I've never hit anybody before, ever. Ast I swear I'll never do it again I promise..Do you still love me?"

"Of course I still love you, don't be stupid," He tutted, letting go of one of my hands to use his thumb to wipe away my tears. "And I hate to do this but I'm gonna have to go or I'm gonna be late."

"But-"

"We'll finish this when I get back yeah?" He asked, going over to the bed to take his phone off charge, slipping it in his pocket as he got his wallet out of the drawer.

"What time will you be back?" I asked, pulling at my sleeves.

"I'm not sure, but I won't be out too late."

"But we're okay right?"

"Better than okay," He smiled, kissing me quickly before adding, "Love you."

"Love you too." I sighed as I watched him walk out of our bedroom, hearing the front door being closed not long after.