You Changed My Life

92. Playing My Strings

Noelani's pov

Tyler has told me that Connor is thinking about coming home soon. Well actually I made him tell me because I was getting desperate and annoyed about his secret "... Was checking up on you" phone calls.

But knowing he is coming home soon has made the dreams get worse, sometimes to the point I refuse to sleep. They become a lot more realistic and the pain has multiplied.

I have told the doctor about it and he says it "natural". I don't believe him. It's bullshit to have a dream that is nearly always the same every time you go to sleep.

I can see Tyler and Troye struggling slightly. Sometimes Tyler will go out when I have a break deon which is everyday. Troye somehow copes. But saying that he is an actor and he is good at hiding his true feelings so he could be worse than Ty.

Food is getting worse. I can no longer chew it without gagging. There is no flavour to it anymore, nothing tastes the same or as good as it use to. Tyler and Troye both have to force it down my throat which leads to tears and begging. My stomach just can't hold it.

But other than that fun stuff I have been practising my guitar quite a lot. I am getting quite good at it with Troye's help. He has taught me how to play some of his songs and he says he wants to film a singing video with me when I am confident enough.

I have taught myself how to play one song in particular. I don't know why, I just like the song. I think I can kind of relate to it in some ways by it makes me feel happy and fuzzy inside when I play it.

I was thinking of playing of for the boys tonight, well in a few hours. I don't mind singing in front of them because it helps them feel positive about me getting better. And it helps me stay positive about my health too.

I sing the lyrics under my breath as I play the chords. I am in love with my acoustic guitar that Troye helped me pick out. I say he gotten it for me because he picked it out and I used his birthday money to me in order to buy it.

I get interrupted by a knock on my door. I put my guitar down and call them to come in.

"Good afternoon Noelani. How ya feeling?" The candy bag doctor asks me.

"Oh I'm fine. You know, wanting more candy though." I say because we've run out of medication, hence why he is here.

"I see you are still cheeky." He says walking over to me.

"That's not going to change. You should start getting use to it." I say with a failed wink.

"Yeah, perhaps I should. Now can I check your side?" He asks.

My face drops. This is the part I hate the most. My side has mostly healed but there is the most ugliest scar there and it is still bruised. I hate it so much, it's not like my stomach or self harm scars are bad enough.

"If you have to." I say looking away and closing my eyes.

He pulls up my top and glides his finger over it making me gasp in pain. My grip on the guitar tightens slightly. He pulls his hand away and drop the material of my top.

"I see it still hurts when you touch it." He says making a note.

"Yeah, that's why I hate you when you have to touch the bruising." I say looking at him.

"I know. Tyler has your medication. I'll see you next week to make sure everything is okay with your side." He says rubbing my shoulder.

"I'm looking forward to it already. See ya." I say walking out my room with him.

I see him out of the apartment and I slam the door closed. I cuss under my breath. I may have called him an asshole but it is kind of true. I walk over to the boys who are sat on the couch and on their laptops.