Can We Fall One More Time? (Sequel To Gotta Be You)

-64-

I sat in bed, unable to sleep. 

After changing, I had been in the same position for nearly four hours. I showed up, so confident that things would be fixed and I'd be able to be honest, but like all the other times, my anxiety got the best of me. 

Fighting would be better than this silence. 

At least if we fought, we'd be getting somewhere, instead of staying in neutral. 

I pulled my legs to my chest, repeating everything I wanted to say to Liam, in my head. If I said it enough then maybe I could just do it. 

There was a knock and Liam walked in, carrying two coffee cups. 

"I thought you might still be awake" he walked over to me "I made some hot chocolate"

I lightly smiled "You did this every time there was a thunderstorm outside"

"I even broke out the new coffee cups"

"They aren't what I would have picked for this place, but they're nice" I said, taking a drink.

He sat down "Yeah, well it's not like you're going to be here to use them"

Did he really just say that?

"I hate this"

"What?"

I sat the drink down "I remember why I left to sleep at the studio; I thought it was because we were fighting, but it was so much more than that"

He looked at me confused. 

"Nearly everything you said was so passive aggressive, and you made all these remarks, making me want to shut down and just avoid you" I took a deep breath "There's more though"

"Like what?" he asked, with a tone.

I stood "You keep breathing down my neck, and you wouldn't leave me alone. If I wasn't eating, you would just follow me around reminding me and making me like shit because of it"

"I wasn't breathing down your neck"

"You treated me like a child that couldn't function alone"

He stood "Are we really doing this?"

"Yes"

"I don't want to" he said, turning to leave, but I pulled his arm.

"If you walk out that door, nothing is going to change!"

He sighed in defeat "I kept thinking that if we could just sit down and talk, all of it would be over. But I couldn't get you to talk, your world revolved around your tour"

"As opposed to any other time when it revolved around you?"

"You made me feel like I didn't matter anymore!"

I stepped back "What?"

"You got this great opportunity, and I tried so hard to be happy for you, but it's just so fucking hard. Everything you talked about had to do with the tour, and you just forgot about us"

"I didn't forget about us, I just had so much going on"

"You hid behind a couch just to avoid me, Gracie! Don't act so innocent"

He saw that?

"I thought we would do everything together, because that's the kind of couple we were. We went through everything together and it made us stronger"

I shook my head "It's not like you could go on tour with me"

"You didn't even ask, and I know I couldn't, but you just seem so eager to get away from everything"

What was I supposed to say? I was eager to get away from everything. 

"See, you don't even have a response"

I shook my head "The only reason I was looking forward to it was because I felt so suffocated; the walls just closed in, and then we kept fighting and they got smaller" I walked up to him and put my hands on him "I love you so much; I don't want to go on tour and worry about losing you, but"

"But what?"

"I need to do this on my own"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

I tried to steady my breathing "My world has revolved around you for so long; I don't know what it's like to really be on my own, but you have to know that doesn't mean I don't want to be together. I just need to know that we'll still be together when I get back from touring"

He looked down.

"Liam, we have been through too much to let one tour ruin us" I put his hand on my chest "My heart is always with you, no matter where I go. I don't want to be with anyone but you, I just need this so bad"

"I don't know; I wanted to be happy for you about this tour, but I'm scared about what it will do to us"

I shook my head "Nothing has to change"

"But it does. The minute you walked back into my life it's never been the same. It seemed like every decision I made somehow had to include you or work around. It feels like I'm not me when you're not around"

"It's not like I can just avoid going on tour"

"I know"

I looked down "Maybe this tour is a good thing"

"What do you mean?"

"You're so eager to start our future together, but we can't do that until we work on our present. We still have growing up to do"

He looked at me "Maybe being apart is what we need right now"

"Maybe some distance will be good"

"Do you still love me?" I asked.

He pulled me into his arms "Of course; that will never change. I'm sorry for letting it get this far"

"I'm sorry too" I said, crying against his chest. 

He lifted my chin "This isn't goodbye"

"What is it then?"

"It's an I'll see you soon"

This all felt like too much, but we both needed to find who we were without the other one around. If we were going to successfully have a relationship together, we needed to work on us. 

He pulled away from me "It's just a break"

"Just a break" I repeated, noticing that he had his own tears as well.

"I don't want to go" he whispered.

"Then don't"

He shook his head "You need to take all the time you need"

I shakily took off my engagement ring. It felt like I was losing a piece of myself as I did. 

"Gracie"

"Don't" I put it in his hand "I want you to hold on to this for me; I promise you that I'll be back for it"

He held it against him "We'll fix this, and we'll be stronger than ever. This isn't the end of us"

If this wasn't the end then why did it feel like it?

A lot can happen in eight months.