Can We Fall One More Time? (Sequel To Gotta Be You)

-106-

Today was Darren's first birthday, so everyone was over at the house to celebrate with a party. 

My head was all over the place, while I tried to get everything into place. Liam was in the last week of wearing his cast, so unfortunately he wasn't able to help me as much as I would like.

Liam was doing much better though.

Which was great, cause I was glad that one of us was managing. 

With that leaving me to handle everything around the house, as well as most things with Darren, I just felt like every thing was swallowing me whole.

I buried all my feelings though, because I didn't want to take it out on someone else. 

Liam was seated on the couch, with Darren in his lap, while all the house guests stayed in the living room. 

The front door opened, and my dad entered, carrying his presents for Darren "Where's my grandson"

"In the living room, with everyone else" I commented, putting things out on the counter.

"You alright, sweetie?" 

I nodded "Yeah, just trying to handle everything; I've also got to change the laundry and get it in the dryer"

"You you need help with anything"

I frowned "It's fine, dad; go see Darren. I know he misses you"

My dad rubbed my shoulder "If you need anything, I'll come help"

"Thank you"

My goal was to make everyone else comfortable.

Well, everyone but myself. 

That I didn't seem to know how to do, let alone consider. 

I was stressed, and no one seemed to realize that I was on the edge though. With everything that had happened in the past year, I was about to hit my limit; I didn't want to worry anyone else though. 

I quickly went into the laundry room, leaning against the counter after opening the washer. 

My anxiety had grown into something new, and I was currently working with my psychiatrist to get it handled. 

However, leaving the house was rather difficult for me. I was only just able to get in a car again without worrying about an anxiety attack. That was just with someone else driving; I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get behind the wheel on my own ever again. 

How was I supposed to move on from this? Liam had been through much more than I had, but he was all smiles and acting like nothing had even happened. 

All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him, and never let him go again. 

I moved the wet clothes into the dryer, getting it going, before pausing and leaning forward to take a deep breath. 

Sometimes I had to remind myself to breathe. 

I closed the laundry room door and leaned against it, finding all the voices, laughter, and music too loud in my head. 

I started putting dirty clothes into the washer, hoping the sound of the dryer would drown out my current thoughts. I don't know why I was stuck feeling this way. 

It was getting harder to act like everything was just fine, and that my worries weren't controlling everything that I did and felt. 

I finished dealing with the clothes and started counting in my head to ten.