July 19, 1994
Today, my mother was finally going to let my children live with me again. I bought our little apartment for us and it was very cozy. It was very close to Dave's house, too, so if I ever needed anything, he would be there in a split second.
But, before I picked up my girls, I was going to have a talk with James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich.
I was utterly disgusted by them and what they said. They had no fucking right to say that and I know for a fact that if someone made a joke about Cliff Burton two months after he died, they would fucking kill them. So yeah, I'll kill them.
Not only did they disrespect my husband, they disrespected the father of my daughter.
I was not going to let that slide.
Dave and Krist picked me up and then we drove to Kirk's hotel. Dave and Krist wanted to tag along in case things got out of hand or they got physical. I knew that James and Lars probably weren't going to care about what I had to say, but I didn't care. I needed to get it out of my system.
Even if things did get physical, I had two men to back me up and one of them was way taller than Lars. Krist could step on Lars. I wished he would.
"We're here!" Dave shouted.
We parked and walked inside of the hotel and walked to their hotel room.
"I'm surprised you guys are letting me do this," I said as we stood outside the door.
"He made fun of Kurt," Krist said. "That's not cool."
I nodded my head. "God, I wish I was a man. Then I would beat the shit out of them."
"Kurt would beat the shit out of you just for saying that," Dave said. "You know, because he was a feminist."
I shook my head and knocked on the door. Kirk opened up and smiled.
"Hey, Ruby," He said. "Can I give you a hug? I feel terrible about what happened."
I nodded my head and gave him a tight hug.
"I can't imagine how you must be feeling," Kirk said as he welcomed us inside of the room.
We walked inside and I saw James and Lars sitting down on the couch with Jason.
"Yeah, having someone commit suicide is terrible," I said. "Well, he really liked your guys' music. I probably made him like it more because I used to really like you guys, but yeah."
"Ruby!" James hollered and walked over to us. "How you doing?"
"I'm doing really good."
"Yeah. Hey, I'm sorry about Kurt. I hope everything is alright with you."
"Yeah," I nodded my head, and then Lars walked over.
"I'm sorry about Kurt," Lars said sympathetically. "What a terrible thing to happen. I mean, how have you been keeping up?"
"Not working at McDonald's, that's for sure!" I yelled. "I mean, I know I wasn't in Nirvana, so I can't be considered a 'remaining member', but you know."
James smiled and shook his head. "Who told you?"
"No one told me. I was there."
"You were not!" Lars shouted.
"Yes, I was!" I lied again. "God, Lars, you think you're so funny. You're actually an idiot. First of all, it wouldn't be four legs, it would be six. There's Krist, Dave, and Pat. So fuck you for that. And second of all, you think you're so funny for saying they work at McDonald's. You could literally fucking work as Santa's elf at the mall or something. Your drumming is godawful, so I think that could be a good backup plan for you."
"Hey, she got you with that one," James nudged him with his elbow.
"You're a fucking cunt!" I snapped at James. "You went to our daughter's first birthday party because Kurt invited you. And he told you how he was a big fan of your music and he literally gave you guys money just from buying your record, and you make fun of him. I know for a fucking fact that if I made a joke about Cliff Burton right now, you would tackle me to the fucking ground. You're just so fucking inconsiderate-the both of you!"
I could see James laughing at me.
"Keep going, Ruby, keep going," He folded his arms across his chest. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh."
That was it.
I walked towards him and acted like I was going to give him a kiss, but then kneed him in the nuts. He fell to the ground, clutching his non-existent dick.
"You know for how big of a dick you are, I'm surprised at how small your dick is," I told him.
James got up and raised his hand like he was about to smack me, but Krist jumped in front of me and caught his hand.
"Don't you dare put your fucking hands on her!" Krist yelled and put his arm down. "Let's go."
Dave grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the room, but then chuckled as soon as he left.
"I sounded like a teenager," I was embarrassed.
"Eh, whatever," Dave said.
"You should've made a joke about Cliff Burton," Krist said.
We walked to the car and Dave drove us back to my apartment. As soon as we got there, I could see my parents with Melissa and Lorelai.
I screamed and jumped out of the car as soon as Dave parked.
"MOMMY!" Lorelai and Melissa both screamed at me and ran to me.
I started to cry as soon as I saw them.
I picked them both up and held them close to me.
"Oh, my babies!" I chuckled. "I missed you guys so so much! Oh my goodness! I've missed you so much! I love you, I love you, I love you!"
I was crying so hard. Melissa and Lorelai were the only things that were keeping me alive. These past couple of months without them, I had wanted to die. But, now that I had them, those feelings disappeared. I could never do that to them. I would never do that to them. Especially not after Kurt doing it.
I put them down and Melissa giggled.
"Mommy, look it!" She held up a piece of paper with a bunch of scribbles all over it.
"Did you make that?" I asked her.
"It's for you," She gave it to me.
Her voice was so precious. I couldn't believe that she was speaking that fluently either.
"Mom, I missed you so much," Lorelai hugged my leg.
"I missed you more, my love," I kissed the top of her head. "Are you guys ready to see our new place we're living in?!"
"Yeah!" They both screamed.
I took out the key and unlocked the apartment and let them in.
Even though I inherited all of Kurt's money from when he died, I put it into a savings account. I didn't want to use it all. I wanted to save it and give some to the kids when they were older, too. When Frances grows up, too, I was going to give her some as well.
"It's smaller," Lorelai complained.
"At least we have somewhere to live," I told her. "Don't complain."
"Where's Daddy at?" Lorelai asked.
My heart dropped.
"Remember, he's working somewhere else right now," My mom reminded her.
"I want to see him again. I miss him."
"I'll show you some pictures, Lorelai," I promised her.
"Hey, sweetie," My mother hugged me. "How have you been doing?"
"I've been doing a lot better," I told her. "Seeing them has made it a lot better, too. Melissa is talking so well, now!"
"Your father and I decided to take her to some speech lessons," She said. "She's been doing fine on her own, now. She only went a couple of times, too."
Lorelai and Melissa ran behind me and up to Dave and Krist.
"I missed you!" Lorelai giggled.
Krist picked up Melissa while Dave held Lorelai's hand. She was too big for him to hold her.
Krist put Melissa down and she ran away with Lorelai again.
"She looks just like Kurt," Krist told me.
"I know," I smiled. "She's a piece of him."
I was lucky, in a way. It's not like Kurt and Robert died with nothing of to remember them by. Robert gave Lorelai who was almost an exact replica of him-she looked more like him than she looked like me. And on the other hand, we have Melissa who was a perfect blend of Kurt and I, but you could definitely see both of us in her.
"Do you know how Frances is doing?" My mother asked me.
"Mom, I'm Kurt Cobain's wife," I reminded her. "Courtney wouldn't let me see her even if I asked. I have no idea how she's doing."
"I hope she's doing alright," My mom said.
"Me too," I said. "Me too."