We were escorted outside after the police and ambulances had shown up.
I had made sure to grab the video camera before we left.
Shelli was outside.
Krist had called her.
"Shelli, I want you to take Ruby to our house, alright?" Krist asked her.
"What happened, Krist?" She asked.
I blanket out, staring at the greenhouse.
Kurt was in there and they were going to take him away.
They were going to take him away forever.
I was never going to see Kurt again.
Oh God.
I was never going to hear his voice again.
No more I love you's.
No more goodnights.
No more kisses.
No more hugs.
No more touching.
No more making love.
No more Kurt.
I was over.
I was not going to survive this.
I wouldn't allow it.
If Kurt was allowed to leave, then why the fuck wasn't I?
Shelli touched my back and pushed me towards her car and I got into the back seat.
I didn't buckle up, praying to God that we would get into a car accident and I would die.
Oh, I hoped and prayed so hard.
Maybe I would see Kurt.
Maybe I would be able to talk to him and ask him why he did what he did.
"He killed himself," I told Shelli. "I just know it."
She didn't respond.
No, he didn't kill himself.
Why was I saying that?
If I kept saying it over and over again, I was going to start believing myself and that couldn't happen.
I couldn't stop picturing the legs.
The legs and the blood.
Kurt's legs and blood.
That was his body.
Lying dead.
On the ground.
No, no it wasn't.
I needed to stop.
We arrived at Shelli's house.
I pictured Kurt getting out of the car with me and us walking inside.
I laid down on the couch and shut my eyes.
I would shut my eyes forever and ever.
This was just a nightmare.