January 17, 1993
I woke up with a stuffy nose and noticed that Kurt was snoring loudly next to me. I got up and brushed my hair and teeth. Then, I remembered last night. I wished that I could just forget it all. We came here to have fun and the first concert was already a disaster.
I walked out of the room, but I didn't see Krist or Dave anywhere. I noticed a phone and immediately thought of calling my mother and father. I didn't know what the time difference was, but it didn't hurt to call.
"Hello?" My mom answered and I felt relieved instantly. I even started crying.
"Mom."
"Ruby, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"Last night was horrible."
"What happened?"
I walked outside so that no one would hear me. "The concert sucked. They were not good at all. Kurt was a different person, which I get because of his withdrawal and shit, but it's almost getting to be too much. He broke his guitar onstage, Mom. He literally went below the stage and slammed it against the floor. He came back up and just played the drums as if nothing happened. And then Krist was mad at Kurt for some reason and just threw his bass at him! I got so scared and rushed after Krist to mak-"
"Wait, is Kurt okay?"
"Yes, Kurt's fine. It didn't hit him. But I asked Krist what was wrong and he told me to fuck off. Then after it was done, Kurt was throwing his guitar into the speakers and slamming it against the floor, but he always does that. I felt sick seeing him like that, so I went to the bathroom and then I got lost. I got so scared and I just started crying because I couldn't find anyone. I eventually found them and Kurt went out with some friends-"
"He went out?"
"I wanted him to. I didn't really want to be around him, Mom. He was scaring me. But, Dave was there and he helped me get back to the hotel alright."
"Oh, that sweet boy. Are you okay, Ruby?"
"I'm fine, I'm just super scared." I wiped my tears. "I miss my girls. How are they?"
"Melissa's been sleeping most of the time and Lorelai's having a blast. We're going to go to the park."
"Make sure to bundle them up really well."
She chuckled. "I will. I'm sorry that happened, Ruby. That's not healthy at all. Have you talked to them yet?"
"They're all sleeping."
"Oh."
"It's okay, though. I'm just upset because this was supposed to be fun and it's already not. Kurt and Krist got into this huge fucking argument before we even left."
"Left to go to Brazil?'
"No." I explained what happened the previous morning with Kurt and Krist.
"I'm kind of siding with Krist here."
"I'm not surprised. Where's Lorelai? Can I say hi?"
"Lorelai!"
"Yeah?" I heard her perfect voice from the phone.
"Come here! Someone wants to talk to you?"
"Hello?" She asked.
"Lorelai, it's Mommy."
"Mommy! I miss you so much."
I started tearing up. I could just picture her smiling widely with cute little pigtails in her hair. "I miss you too, baby."
"Where's Daddy?"
"He's sleeping."
"Are you having fun?"
"Yes, I'm having so much fun."
"I made a snowman!"
"A snowman?!"
"Yeah!"
"That's so cool! I'll make one with you when I get back home, okay?"
"Okay, Mommy. I have to go get ready now. We're going to go to the park."
"Okay. Bye. I love you."
"I love you, too, Mommy. Bye."
I hung up the phone after saying by to my mother and just say on the balcony and cried.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I heard someone say and I spun around to find Krist standing there.
I quickly wiped my tears. "Nothing, nothing."
"I'm so sorry for what I said last night. It was totally rude of me to say."
"It's alright."
"No it's not. I'm really sorry, Ruby."
"Oh, it's alright."
"Last night was terrible."
"It sucked so bad. I hated it. Where did Kurt go out to?"
"Drink."
"Do you think that's all he did?"
"No."
"Me either."
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Kurt was knocked up. Krist and I guessed that he did some things involving coke and weed.
"Better than heroin," I said. "Where's Dave?"
"In the room," He said. "You two should go do something."
"I don't know."
"Ruby, go do something with him. You guys have been in a funk lately. Go."
"Oh, alright."
I got dressed quickly and saw Kurt still sleeping even though it was one in the afternoon. I met Dave in the lobby and we went out to a restaurant. After that, we were just walking around.
"You okay?" He asked me.
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"You were terrified last night."
"I know."
"You kept saying you were scared. What were you scared of?"
"Kurt," I chuckled softly to myself, realizing how stupid that was. I was scared of my fiancee.
"I was scared for him, too."
"He got knocked up last night. I can tell. But he's not going to admit it."
We walked into a clothing store, but nothing there really appealed to me. But something definitely was fascinating to Dave. Well, someone. There was a woman with brown hair and very beautiful. Her hair was so curly and she was very short.
"Go talk to her, Dave," I pushed him towards her and he awkwardly said hi to her.
I looked away for my own sake and continued to look at clothes. God, Dave was awkward. I was buzzing with happiness, but I didn't want to get too happy. There was always the chance that she was already taken.
"She's not taken!" Dave appeared behind me.
I jumped, my heart racing. "Jesus, don't fucking scare me like that."
"We're going to hang out. Do you want to hang out with us?"
I looked over at her staring at the shirts and thought about how Dave needed this. He didn't need me there. She didn't know that he had feelings for me and she didn't need to know. If I was there, that would affect his viewpoint on her.
"No, that's alright," I rested my hand on his shoulder. "Go have fun with her."
"Are you sure? You'll be alone?"
"It's okay to be alone sometimes."
He seemed unsure of his decision. "Alright."
"Have fun, Dave." I hugged him, then walked out of the store and down the sidewalk towards the other buildings. I was downtown, so all of the buildings were very, very tall. It felt very surreal walking through there.
Watching everyone else walk beside me, I wish that there was someone I knew beside me. And that was when I randomly thought of Gavin. I hadn't talked to him in forever, I wondered what he had been up to. Maybe he had a family of his own.
Next to one of the buildings, there was a billboard of Nirvana onstage, in the middle of playing a song. Kurt's hair was flying and his fingers were placed gently on the guitar while Krist stood with his knee bent playing the bass and Dave was in the back, mid-smash on the drums.
It reminded me of the concert last night and what happened. I shook off the thought and decided to go back to the hotel. I flagged down a cab and they drove me back. I paid them as we arrived and I rushed inside, my feet hurting from walking so much. I immediately sank into the couch and rested my feet on top of the table.
"Where's Dave?" Krist asked, his mouth full of food.
"He went out with a girl."
"Seriously?!" He was excited.
"Yeah. God, my feet hurt. How's Kurt?"
"He's perfectly fine."
I was surprised. "What?"
"Go see for yourself."
I stormed into the bedroom, surprised to find Kurt just laying down and reading a book.
"Ruby!" He hollered. "You're back! How was it?!"
"It was good," I was confused. How was he fine? Wasn't he doing shit last night?
"Thanks for letting me sleep in late."
"Yeah, yeah, of course. Kurt."
"What?"
"Why are you okay?"
"Excuse me?"
"You were out partying last night. Aren't you supposed to be grumpy and sick and shit?"
"I am perfectly fine, Ruby. Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine, Kurt."
I needed to stop being so negative all the time. Normally people would be happy that their significant other wasn't in a grumpy mood. I plastered a smile onto my face and kissed him.
"Mind making some room for me?" I smiled.
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"She's so amazing," Dave kept going on about the girl he went out with. "I think we should go do something with her tomorrow."
"Just you or all of us?" Krist asked.
"All of us! We should all go out tomorrow! It could be a fucking triple date!"
"Fine by me," Krist zoomed really close into Dave's face with the camera, then whipped around fast over to Kurt and I.
"Hey, it's getting late," I told Kurt.
"Do you want to go to bed?" He asked.
"I want to go in the hot tub," I whispered in his ear. "Meet me down there."
I already had a bathing suit under my clothes. I just grabbed a towel, put on my sandals, and rushed outside, running down to the hot tub as fast as I could. I didn't even use the elevator; I just ran down the stairs. I wanted Kurt and I to have some alone time and it be special with each other.
It was already dark outside and the reflection of the stars into the water was absolutely spectacular. There was no one in the pool and there was no one in the hot tub. I just hoped to God that no one would come down. I slipped off my shirt and shorts and put my feet in the hot tub, waiting for Kurt.
I heard footsteps approaching and I find Kurt standing right over me with only a swimming bottoms on. He looked so scrawny and skinny. He was so unhealthy. But it was crazy how much hair was on him. He was still so beautiful.
"I love your brown hair," I told him as he got into the hot tub.
"Come in," He said.
I got in and put my hair up into a bun with a clip I brought downstairs with me.
"Your concert last night was horrible, Kurt," I told him, chuckling.
"You're telling me."
He wrapped an arm around me an pulled me into him. I kissed him softly.
"Krist was really angry with you," I told him.
"I know," He was seeming to get bothered by the conversation, so I dropped it.
"I'm happy to be here with you."
He started kissing my neck, putting his hand on my chest.
"Kurt," I breathed heavily. "There could be people watching us."
"Then let them."
I pushed him away and kissed him, putting my hand on his dick, causing him to groan. When things started to get more heated, I didn't stop them.
I could've, but I chose not to.