March 21, 1992
I didn't go home-that was where Kurt was going. I took Lorelai to Dave's house.
"That fucking dick," Dave ran his fingers through his hair, pacing back and forth across the room after I had just explained to him what happened. Lorelai fell asleep on his bed last night and I had to wait a couple of hours for me to calm down-which went from a couple of hours until the next day-before I could tell him what happened. "God, I hate him sometimes. You know that, right?"
"You don't mean that."
"Don't you dare defend him right now. Did you not hear what he just told you?!"
"He didn't mean it, Dave."
"Yes he did. That's why he said it. It's the tru-I'm sorry, that doesn't sound right."
"No, no, I understand, Dave. I'm just fucking over this. I'm over his bullshit."
"A donkey!" Lorelai giggled.
"Come here," Dave hugged me and I started crying as I hugged him tighter. "Look at what he's doing to you, Ruby."
"He's not doing anything to me," I pushed myself away from Dave.
"How many times have you cried over him?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but I quickly shut it. Too many to count, I thought. But I couldn't tell Dave that-he would win the argument.
"Exactly," He said.
"Stop it, Dave. It's okay to cry."
"Not as much as you do."
"I don't cry a lot."
"Ruby-"
"Dave stop it."
Just then, the phone rang. I let out a sigh of relief-this argument could be over.
"Hello?" Dave asked.
"What are you watching?" I asked Lorelai, but before she could respond, Dave yelled, "HE WHAT?! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY FUCKING GOD!"
He slammed the phone against the wall and I watched him look around for something.
"What are you looking for?" I asked him.
"THE CAR! WE HAVE TO GET IN THE CAR! HELP ME LOOK!"
I didn't know where to look, exactly but I just looked around the kitchen. Why was he freaking out? I hoped that he was okay.
"I found them!" He exclaimed. "Come on!"
"Come on, Lorelai," I shut the T.V. off, put her shoes on, then mine, and we went into Dave's car.
We got buckled-Lorelai didn't have a car seat, so I sat in the back with her and had her on my lap. Totally unsafe and it was a bad "Mom moment" for me. I could see Dave wiping away his tears from his eyes.
"What happened?" I asked him, but in return got no response.
I just looked down at Lorelai and played with her hair. When the car stopped, I looked up to see where we were. The hospital.
Why were we here? Was Dave hurt? No, no he wasn't hurt-that wouldn't make sense.
"Ruby?" Dave asked, interrupting my thoughts.
"Yes?"
"I-" He sighed. "I don't know-Ruby-"
"Let's just go inside."
"I don't think you want Lorelai going in there."
"Why not?"
"Because Kurt-"
"KURT?!" I practically screamed.
I ran out of the car and inside of the hospital and there I could see them-the goddamn News anchors and their stupid fucking vans. The fact that they were getting money out of my boyfriend's misery right now sickened me. And they didn't give a flying fuck.
I pushed past them even though they were shoving their microphones in my face, asking if I knew what happened to him. I wondered if they knew what happened to him. I walked inside and turned around and saw Dave and Lorelai rushing inside. I didn't know what room he was in.
"I know what room he's in," Dave assured me. He read my fucking mind.
My mind was racing and my breathing was very short. I didn't want Kurt to be dead. I really hoped he wasn't dead.
"Dave," I couldn't believe that I hadn't asked him yet. "What's wrong with Kurt?"
He didn't answer me. Instead, he held tighter onto Lorelai's hand and continued to walk and that angered me. I had every right to know what happened to him.
If he was dead, that would be the end of me. The last time we spoke to each other was our argument. After Robert died, I thought carefully about the last interactions I had with people. Everytime I would say goodbye to anyone, I would make sure to hug them and tell them I loved them (if I did) and I would make it clear that I cared for them.
"This room," Dave stopped in front of a door. "Ruby, wait out-"
I couldn't wait and I walked straight inside and saw him. He was lying down on a hospital bed in a nightgown that was obviously too big for him. The more I thought about it, it wasn't too big for him-he was just that skinny. He was sleeping. Or was he? Was he still breathing? I rushed over to his side and put my fingers on his arm to check his pulse.
I sighed out of relief. There was a pulse.
"Ruby, I told you to wait!" Dave hissed.
"I couldn't; I'm sorry."
"Daddy?" Lorelai looked at Kurt.
Shelli and Krist walked into the room and they didn't look the same. Their faces were full of regret and they were hurting.
"Did you tell her?" Krist asked Dave.
"Not yet," Dave replied.
"Lorelai, come with me," Shelli held her hand out for Lorelai to take. Lorelai placed her hand in Shelli's and they walked out.
"Would you two like to tell me what happened?" I asked them, angry that I still didn't know what happened.
"He overdosed," Krist said calmly as if it was a normal sentence to say.
Me on the other hand, I couldn't believe what I had just heard. He overdosed? On what? He wasn't doing anything-he promised me. I shook my head out of disbelief and looked back at Kurt. How could he do this? Why did he do this? Was it the argument? Maybe it was something to do with Courtney? I didn't even want to think about her right now. But, just then, I hard a loud voice and it matched hers. High heels clacked against the tile and I could see a tall silhouette against the wall and hair bouncing against shoulders.
It was Courtney.
"Is he okay?!" She asked and then looked at me. "What is she doing here?"
"Get out," Dave barked at Courtney.
She was taller than both Dave and I, but not Krist. No one was taller than Krist.
"Get out, Courtney," Krist said softly.
I didn't want to say anything to her-she would just say something rude back and I was too exhausted to argue or bicker. She was a piece of shit and she wasn't even worth my time.
"There's only two visitors allowed in here at a time," A nurse came in.
"Get out," Courtney ordered us all.
"We'll give you some alone time," Dave patted my back.
Krist pushed Courtney out as she tried to fight, but they all left me and Kurt alone. It felt like he wasn't even there or here with me. I started crying and held his hand in mine. It was cold. His fingers were always freezing cold. God, I just wanted to see his smile. That would put me at ease.
"Come back," I whispered but I knew it wouldn't do anything. Did I care? No. "Courtney came in here. She's really loud. I don't even know how you put up with her. I wish you didn't have to put up with her. Or me. I should treat you better, Kurt. God, if we never got into that argument, this wouldn't have happened. We would be in the house right now laughing and having a good time. But you had to go and shoot up and-" I stopped talking. What if he was faking it and could hear me? I didn't want to say something that I would regret.
I stepped away and looked at him and started crying. He didn't deserve this life. I didn't deserve this, either. Maybe this was a sign that we shouldn't be together and that we should part ways. I didn't want this to be my life-constantly in and out of hospitals after we have an argument because he fucking overdosed. Yet again, I was making conclusions, but I had a right to.
I kissed his forehead and walked out of the room.