Keeping Promises (Trilogy to Earning His Love)

Finding Out Rights From Wrongs.

After yesterday's fiasco I was now sitting in the living room with a silent Cody.

Today was supposed to be our wedding day but we told everyone to go home and to come back when we made other arrangements. In the back of my head at the damn moment I knew that bloody hell was not going to happen.

When you have a billion things running through your head you don't even know where to start first and to be honest with you it is really starting to make me remember why I lost my last child.

Cody still has no idea I had the miscarriage. Only his family does and to be honest with you they wanted me to tell him because that news coming from them would only be worse for everyone.

I walked into the kitchen to get something to drink but then I always remember my grandma used to tell me "Sarah don't give up even when I know you want to. If you love someone make it work. Don't run away from something that is fixable. I love you." Having those words run through my head was something that calms me down and helps me think in times like this.

A couple of seconds later going into my thought Clay walked into the kitchen with a box of tissues knowing what he was going to say was going to make me cry.

Clay: Sarah Cody is outside with his mother and I brought Mariano over because I know he is going to want to help this time. This time around this is not your fault and this whole family knows that. Just so you know Cody had nothing to do with this. Samantha Aaron's ex set this up so you couldn't continue to be happy. She hired Chase to come and ruin everything so before you go and scream at Cody he had no idea she was even coming or what was going on until I told him yesterday. Your mother and I found out from Mariana and Kelsey what was going on.

Me: So Cody didn't know this whole time?

Clay: No he didn't I promise you he didn't and to be honest when I told him you were thinking about leaving him he screamed in my face and told me "Make sure she doesn't leave dad. I love her. I can't lose her because two stupid idiots want to come and run mine and her life." I knew where he was coming from because I had that happen to me multiple times before.

Me: You did?

Clay: Yep. Before I met Jenn. Nothing is ever easy Sarah. Sometimes you have to jump even when you feel like you are done with the world and sometimes you have to sit back and let everything just fall out in front of you. I had to learn the hard way. Now I want you and Cody to talk things out later on because nothing comes easy. Take it one step at a time and hopefully everything falls back into place.

Me: Thanks Clay. Do you know when Mo is coming over?

Clay: He should be here in a couple of minutes. He is bringing Derek with him.

Me: Okay.

A couple of seconds later I heard Derek's voice outside talking to Cody and Jenn and then I heard Mo open the door to walk into the dining room.

Mariano: Hi Sarah.
Me: Hi.
Mariano: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah I am okay now that Clay explained everything to me. I am not okay because I lost my last child due to stress according to the doctor and now she says I really can't have anymore kids because the risk is very high for me right now. I had her tie my tubes because she doesn't want me or Cody going through that again.
Mariano: Doctors orders Sarah. Gotta live and let things happen even if I know you wanted a child with Cody. I know how much it meant to you.
Me: Yeah it did. I know it meant a lot to him also but to be honest with you maybe this is God's way of telling me "Sarah time is up and you have to face the fact that it is time to move on."
Mariano: Yes, that is exactly it.
Me: So I came to listen.
Mariano: Okay well from what Clay told me I feel horrible for what happened but I know Sarah that Cody does love you and that he isn't letting you go and he still does want to marry you.
Me: Yeah I know. I just don't know if I am ready for everything to fall into place yet.
Mariano: Understandable Sarah but remember what I told you if God stopped you from running you have to listen to him because to be honest with you Sarah this wasn't Cody's fault if he didn't know what was going on. Now on the other hand when you were with Aaron he was letting these things happen to the both of you and he told you it was his fault for having Sabrina, Samantha, and everyone else get involved but with Cody Sarah this situation is way different and to be honest I do not want you to shut him out because personally God would have told you to pack up your things but I want to know if Clay hadn't told you what really happened would you still have stayed?
Me: Actually I would have gone halfway back to New York but then turned back because the day I came back to him would have been flashing like a broken traffic light in the back of my head.
Mariano: You see. Now that is the answer I wanted from you.
Clay: Sarah my son loves you and to be honest with you after this hiccup I guarantee you things are going to run smoothly and if they don't you keep going at it because I know Cody is a fighter and this time he is going to run after you even when you try to run away from him. He loves like I love Sarah. He uses like I use. He is literally me like his mother's says. Sometimes you just have to face the fact that Cody is a runner.
Me: Yeah I know.

A couple of seconds later Cody walked in with Derek and Jenn. You could see his eyes were watery and puffy. To be honest with you I had never seen him cry like that before and I just looked at him and those baby blueberry eyes I loved so much were dull and full of pain.

I took his hand and walked towards the backyard with him while the rest stayed inside.

Cody: Sarah. 😔
Me: Cody look at me.

I saw him look up and he had this look in his eyes that I have never in a million years of knowing him seen before.

Me: I know this isn't your fault.
Cody: You do?
Me: Your dad told me.
Cody: Sarah you have every single right to leave me but I love you and I don't want you to leave. Those kids they deserve a chance at a family that loves them and look at us this has been rock bottom for us.
Me: Cody I have to tell you something.
Cody: What? 😔
Me: I lost the baby yesterday.
Cody: Sarah!! 😭😭 I'm so sorry!!!

I looked at him and I started to cry and he just held me in his arms and to be honest this is what I needed at the moment. To be held by him and the feeling was just mutual. He knew he just didn't want to let go this time.

Cody: Sarah this is all my fault! You lost the baby because of me and this whole fucking mess!!!! How could I have not noticed what was going on and I didn't even ask how you were! I am such a horrible person Sarah!!! I'm so sorry!
Me: Cody no. Listen to me right now. This I knew for a fact was going to happen. I can't have anymore kids because my body is done. I went with the doctor and stayed over night with her and to be honest she tied my tubes. I always wanted to have one more baby and with you but my body is resisting it and I feel like fucking crap!!!!!
Cody: Sarah no! Listen to me! We can't control this but what we can do is become stronger and move on from it! I'm not leaving you and I am not waking up another morning without you next to me! I filed a restraining order on those who can't get close to us anymore because I want us and I want those kids to have a chance at a family again and I want love and I want that love with you. This is the last time we are EVER going to fight like this and to be honest if you feel like this isn't going to work then I will be the one to leave but I will still hold onto every single memory I have with you and those kids. I'm not walking off this earth without you.
Me: Thank you Cody. I'm going to stay but I do not want to tell the kids anything because they don't need to know about all of this. This is our issue not theirs.
Cody: You are right Sarah.

I leaned in to kiss him and to be honest that was the best kiss I had gotten from him. It felt like I was home and that was the best feeling in the world.

Jenn: I'm glad you guys are better now.
Me: Yeah me too.

As the day went on and the kids came back Cody thought it was a good idea to not tell them about the miscarriage until tomorrow. Right now I know they needed us just as much as we needed them.

It was family Cody and I needed that was all that God wanted for us and we were going to continue to live by God's word and that's that.