Fast Break

forty-five : unsteady

‼️TRIGGER WARNING‼️ ANXIETY, PANIC ATTACKS, potentially triggering language and situations.

His dad was still in town. Christopher's anxiety was getting worse by the day, he couldn't sleep nor focus at school. He kept having random panic attacks. He was jolted awake with anxiety most mornings and was kept awake most nights. He couldn't fall asleep without Matthew at his side.

They were at school, Christopher sat at lunch with his friends. He felt his heart drop, his breath sped up and his heart started to race. He could feel it all, his legs were tingling with anxiety.

"I'll be right back." Christopher excused himself.

He played it cool until he was out of view. He walked to the locker room, he walked against the wall. He stumbled into the locker room. He threw himself against a locker, he slid down to the ground trying yo catch his breath.

"Not now." Christopher hyperventilated. "I'm okay, i'm okay, i'm okay." Christopher leaned his head back, trying to catch his breath.

He caught his breath, he panted and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Fuck!" Christopher threw his head back into the locker.

He caught his breath and just thought to himself.

"This is so fucking dumb."

He wallowed in his self-loathing. He sat there for a while, alone with his thoughts. Eventually he got up and went back to the lunch table like nothing had happened.

"Hey, you okay?" Matthew asked.
"Yeah, no, I-" Christopher sighed.
"Talk about it later?" Matthew asked.
"Yeah." Christopher smiled.

Lunch was over, time for history class. Christopher had this class with Matthew, there was no hiding his panic now. He felt the anxiety well up in his chest. He started bouncing his leg and picking at his face, he played with his necklace as he tried to distract himself. He waited until the teacher was done speaking and sat down at his desk. Christopher quickly walked over.

"Mr. Wilson do you mind if I take a break?" Christopher pulled it together for a sentence.
"Did you finish your assignment Christopher?" He asked.
"Yeah, Mr. Wilson please." Christopher pleaded.
"Go ahead." He said.
"Thank you." Christopher sighed.

Christopher swiftly ran to the bathroom on that floor. Thankfully no one was in there, he busted into a stall, locked it, and sat on the floor. He hyperventilated, he tried every breathing trick he knew, he tried to focus on something.

Matthew noticed that Christopher was gone longer than usual. He got up and walked by his desk, he stopped writing in the middle of the sentence. That was unusual for him, he'd always finished his work before he did anything else. He walked to the teachers desk.

"Matthew I was just gonna call you up here." He said.
"For?" Matthew asked.
"Will you go check on Christopher? He's been gone for a while." He said.
"Yeah, I was just going to ask." Matthew replied.

Matthew made his way out of the classroom, he checked the locker room and his favorite teachers classroom. He eventually checked the bathroom. He saw him sitting on the bathroom floor under the door.

"Chris, you okay?" Matthew walked over to the door.

All he could hear was Christopher hyperventilating. Matthew pulled his keys out of his pocket, he used the back of one to unlock the stall. He immediately sat down next to him and cupped his face.

"Hey, hey, hey." Matthew stroked his face. Christopher flinched once he realized someone was touching him. "It's me baby, it's me, Matthew." Matthew gently talked to him. "Breathe with me."

Matthew helped him catch his breath, he pulled his head in tight to his chest. Christopher heard the beating of his boyfriend's heartbeat, the sound calmed him down. He breathed normally again.

"I am so sorry." Christopher whispered into his chest.
"Hey don't be sorry, it's not your fault." Matthew combed through his hair.
"I feel so pathetic." Christopher said.
"You're not pathetic." Matthew consoled him. "You're my boyfriend, and I love you. It's okay." Matthew kissed his head.
"Thank you." Christopher hugged him.
"You okay?" Matthew asked.
"As okay as I could be." Christopher chuckled.
"Period is almost over." Matthew played with his hair.
"I know." Christopher said.
"Come on, one more period left. And you can hold my hand the entire time." Matthew smiled.
"Thank you." Christopher kissed him.
"Anytime." Matthew smiled.

They got up and returned to class at separate times, they didn't need people talking. They got their stuff and hurried to their last class. Matthew held his hand the entire time like he promised, he payed attention to Christopher's mannerisms. He would stroke his hand with his thumb when he noticed his leg bouncing or when he played with his necklace. They went home together after school, they cuddled and watched movies. The usual routine they did when they had a bad day. It was therapeutic for them.