#SOTUS Continued: Book Two A BoysLove Tale

What If

P'Rune's POV

I glance toward my room when I hear groaning and unintelligible mutters. Sitting at the table, I debate about how I am going to deal with Som. When I volunteered to take care of him last night, I shocked not only myself but N'Jett. I don't know which one of the people who accompanied N'Jett was his Head Hazer, but I'm pretty sure he was there. I felt better knowing N'Jett had found a group of seniors who not only taught the lessons of SOTUS but learned them as well. My old university seemed to lack that. When did it change? After Tay came? I sigh when I hear Som again.

Som and Tay were friends from the moment they entered uni. I considered Som a little brother. When Tay jumped, I was angry at Som for letting it happen. He was his friend. Why wasn't he there to stop him? I know this is displaced anger because the person I should really be angry with looks me in the face every morning. Myself. He was my brother, and to add to that. I was his Head Hazer. So, where was I?

I often wonder how I missed my little brother spiraling out of control to the point that he thought he only had one option. I know it is my fault. I was too wrapped up in being the perfect Head Hazer and all the adoration I received. I overcompensated to hide my flaws and true self, and that cost me my brother. I myself have spiraled down the what-if rabbit hole that everyone does when this happens.

I slowly chipped away at all the rumors, and I found things that ripped my heart apart and made me rage against everything. I remember things I had noticed and dismissed because I was too busy. And caught in the crossfire of all of this was Som and sadly a nong I didn't even know because in my eyes he had destroyed my little brother.

The night the Head Hazer picked up the drunk nong, I talked to Ai'Guide about what was going on at our uni. I was shocked to find out that gay-bashing had become the norm, and I wondered how much of that had to do with Tay since the nong that took the brunt of it was N'Jett.

Ai'Guide asked me to come back to uni and finish my degree. He said it was a loss to our uni that I didn't graduate. Loss? What does he know? I was a disgrace. I failed my own brother.

"Oh, my fvcking head," I hear Som groan.

I go to the fridge, take out a bottle of water and grab the paracetamol off the counter. Walking to the door, I find Som sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands. I step over to him and rest the cold bottle of water against the back of his hand.

"Thanks," Som mutters while taking the bottle. When he opens it, I hand him the medicine.

"Here," I say, and he looks up.

"P-P-P," Som stutters.

"Take this first," I shake my head and go to my closet, leaving him to take the meds. I pull out a shirt and pair of shorts before I turn back to him. "The towels are in the cabinet in the bathroom. Go shower. You stink." Before he can say anything, I walk out of the room.

Tutah's POV

Leaning against my headboard, I watch as my boyfriend stands like a statue before the mirror. He has been quiet since we returned from going to look for his friend Som. I sigh before I swing my legs off the bed and walk over to Jett. Turning him away from the mirror, I take his tie from him and begin tying it.

Snugging it up to his neck, I ask, "Where are you?"

"Huh?" Jett looks down at me, "I am here."

"Physically, yes," I agree, "But where are your thoughts?" I brush off invisible lint on his shoulders and look at him imploringly. He sighs and pulls me into a hug.

"Why is he getting drunk?" Jett mumbles into my hair. I knew this was bothering Jett.

"I don't know," I tell him. I don't want to say that his friend is haunted by what-ifs because I know Jett is the same.