After The Fall

BTF: Chapter Thirty - One 💙

*Vote first and brace yourself*

Lilibear's pov

"You were there"

I start as I look at her and she plays me her clueless look for a moment, like she totally has no idea what I'm talking about.

But I'm not in the mood to keep anything in the drawer today so I know either sooner or later while we talk, everything is going to be let out from their cages.

All I can say to myself and to mama is to embrace whatever that's going to happen next because one thing for sure, it's not going to be pretty.

"I don't understand"

The statement comes out. Big doe brown eyes looking at me like always; like I'm the bad one with the wrong piece of information. But I'm not letting her walk away this time with that look.

"Of course you don't" I rest my back against the cold black countertop. "I guess a little flashback would help, right?" I turn to my left, grabbing my phone from the countertop and click on the Gallery icon where a picture of her and Ji-Ae's teacher comes to greet me.

"This one?" I show it to her face. "Does it ring any bells to you?"

"You're getting the wrong idea"

Mama defends herself as she swallows what I think is her guilt. "She needed a ride to her place. It was an emergency" she adds, her eyes rather on the floor than on me.

I am not in any position to judge people but if only she knows by doing so makes her totally admit her mistake subtly and I guess that is what is driving me more to the edge.

"You were willing to give a ride to a woman who wasn't your partner on the day your partner was supposed to leave for a couple of months and she insisted of seeing you, even a glimpse of you, I would say before she can depart" I pause, a little out of breath as I struggle to contain my tone as to not hit the roof.

Ji-Ae is somewhere within the house, I keep telling myself. I can't afford to do the same mistake my parents did when I was young. To fight in front of the kids; emotionally draining us.

When I was younger, I remember to comfort Chaeyoungie when she cried out of fear. But then I also remember that I was not being comforted by anyone else. Not even mommy.

And that makes me hate myself now if I ever fight in front of my little sister. Because I failed to protect Chaeyoungie when she was little.

But I don't want to fail in protecting Ji-Ae. She deserves a happy childhood; even from a broken home.

"She waited" I look at mama, not wanting to look away. "And she waited. Even after her manager kept telling her; Ms. Park, we would have to go. The flight couldn't wait no more. And your partner would always say; No, wait. I know she's coming. She won't let me go without seeing me. Please, just a minute more. Just a second more"

Mama sighs as she runs her fingers through her hair, shaking her head when her hand falls back to her side.

"Please, are we going to fight over this, Lilibear?"

"I am not aware this is a fight at all"

"I can't be with her!"

Mama bursts out in anger the exact moment Chaeyoung walks into the kitchen. She is wearing one of my many Gucci t - shirts that she has raided from my closet.

Her jaw drops comically at the sight of mama burning with anger, then her eyes find me with her device waving in her right palm.

"I thought you asked me to look at the ... Umm ... light stick?" she asks, looking at me again before at mama awkwardly.

"Oohkay" the idiot clears her throat as she stares at the screen of her phone. "I'm going to pretend I got a super important text and go somewhere that's not here, so ... bye".

She exits the kitchen as fast as she can, almost stumbling flat to her face but she manages to balance herself immediately before totally and completely gone from my sight.

"You said you can't be with her" I look at the standing woman who is now hanging her head low. "Then at least have the guts to say that to her face. Stop making her wait like an idiot just because you know she will"

"I am not the enemy here, Lilibear!"

Mama insists as she lifts her head and flares her nostrils. "I asked her so many times to marry me back. To take me in so that we can begin precisely where we left but she never gives me an answer. Never. Gives. Me. An. Answer"

Her voice echoes, almost breaking when she repeats the last statement again and I would say how sorry I am for her but the bullshit in the statement only makes me want to puke.

"Marriage is just your excuse" I inhale a sharp breath. "Excuse because you want her to come back to where you can lock her and admire her because she would always be just your Rosie to you. Just you. But that's not what she is. You can't ask her to marry you with the intention of locking her somewhere she knows very well that she can't be free. Marriage is only a marriage if both parties are happy. But it's a prison, a curse even when one party is happy and the other feels nothing but suffocated"

"You can't say that to me" mama clenches her jaws tightly. "You don't know what marriage is, Lilibear"

"Of course I know" I frown. "I know for a fact marriage is when you love someone and you want the best for that person. A marriage is when you know their happiness also yours so you won't do anything that will stop them from being happy. A marriage is when you put aside your selfishness for the sake of the woman you love. A marriage is when you know, despite millions of people on Earth, you are the very special to win her heart, the greatest possession ever if you ask me and if your definition of marriage is none than what I have said to your face, than I assure you that's not a marriage at all"

"I just want her to be mine!"

Mama states, tears in her eyes as she stares at me. "Just mine! She is supposed to be that. For fuck's sake!"

"She is always yours" I breathe out. "Always yours. But she can't be just yours. She belongs to everyone else too and keeping her from anyone that is not you is selfish"

"But I don't want her to look at anyone else that is not me! You don't understand that. She has an ocean of people loving her. All of those people whom she has never met. They all love her. Chant her name. Clap their fucking hands when they see her. She has them as their stars, to paint her night skies. You don't know how terrible I feel every time I see that. Because they make me feel so small. Because they make me feel unimportant. Because at the end of the day, they are always what make her the happiest. And me? I'm just Lisa"

"Yet she loves you the most"

I look at her. "She always does. She doesn't care if you're just Lisa. You're her Lisa and I know she's not a saint either. She made lots of mistakes. She messed up. But the love she has for you guides her back to the path of our home. She wants to make the relationship work again but she can't be the only character in it, mama. It's either you both team up or it's really the end after such terrible fall"

"I ..."

Mama's voice starts to crumble as tears roll down her cheeks. Her palms turn into fists as she speaks. "I don't deserve her. So many people out there love her and ..."

"Who in the world gives a fuck about that? If she loves you, it's only you for her. But we know that by now. The question is if you ever feel the same?"

My question probably stings because she walks away soon after that. And I am somehow glad because the longer she stays, the lengthy the talk will be and I am not sure I would be able to control my voice from hitting the roof.

I clench my jaws, taking a deep breath before grabbing my device from the countertop only to have my eyes fall on the sight of Chaeyoungie who blushes in embarrassment as I caught her eavesdropping the whole conversation.

"Sorry, I have to go -- plant a tree" she says hurriedly before escaping the scene.

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Like any other good things in life, this story is also coming to an end. 30 votes to the next adventure.