Six years.
Six fucking years later, the head of Trauma surgeon at Seoul General Hospital, Lisa Manoban, and Roseanne Park meet again on the familiar path of romance they once were. But stubborn hearts are hard to convince.
...
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Triggered warning: Suicide attempt ahead. Proceed on your own risks ✌️
Lili's pov
I take a deep breath as I step outside my bedroom before pausing in my track only to glance back into the half parted door, where the inner part of my room, my sacred haven can be seen.
I have a black and white picture of me decorating the wall behind the minimalist headboard of my bed. It's the picture of my favorite because mommy shot it for me, early this year as I visited her site when she was preparing for YSL campaign.
There is a special line of words that is engraved at the corner of the big frame.
It's written elegantly in posh white.
Lili Park by Rosé.
Then my eyes fall on the four pictures I have on the wall of my room.
The first is always my favorite, a picture of mommy and I on my first birthday. I was seated on her lap, her arms protectively secured around me as she was watching the cake from toppling off the table while baby me was grinning brightly at the camera.
The second one is a picture of Chaeyoungie. I took it a couple of years ago before the divorce took place. My stubborn little sister who always says she doesn't care about whatever that I do.
But I know for a fact that she lies. Because I have caught her so many times in the audience, watching over me whenever I participate in anything, albeit I know she'll doze off somewhere in between, but she makes an effort to be there.
And the last one is the picture of Ji - Ae and I, clicked precisely on the day that she was born. She nestled in my arms, looking like she was comfortably sleeping while I held her close to my heart. And I remember how full my heart was that day. Even till now.
But just like every good thing that starts, some of it has come to an end.
🙆🙆🙆
I step into the kitchen after I turn off the alarm system and look at the charcoal I bought a few days ago from a nearby convenience store. For a moment, I try to justify the whole thing.
Will things be better if I die?
I imagine a world, a completely different one from this, where I no longer exist. Mommy would break, Ji - Ae would probably cry, wanting me back, Chaeyoungie would probably be over the moon because alas she won't have me around to annoy and mama would be glad, because that means less burden to care for.
Stop thinking, Lili
My heart urges. You don't have much time, it says again and I nod.
Slowly, I put a pan over the stove and pour the charcoal into it, until it forms a mini black mountain on its own.
I adjust the stove to a slow heat and I think it works, whatever that I read online about carbon - burning suicide.
The small, colourless smoke starts to form and I don't waste any more time as I grab the sleeping pills from the cupboard, the one that I always hide from everyone else, including Ji-Ae and care less about the amount that I take it, as I devour them with a mug of water.
When I fall to my knees that moment, and my back against the mommy's expensive beige cabinet, I shut my eyes and imagine of nothing in hope it will help ease my way if wanting to go.
Exploring the unknown.
But the harder I try to forget, the more I remember.
"I love you Lilibear" I hear mommy says from one of my countless, favorite memories about her. "Always"
Then my sight goes black and my chest starts to hurt. But I'm no longer where I am right now.
