After The Fall

BTF: Chapter Twenty - Seven 💙

Chaeyoung's pov

"You're just like Ji -Ae"

I say to Lilibear as we stroll back into the elevator after the so unnecassary drama at the CV. She grins at me as she intertwines her arm with mine and rests her head against my shoulder.

The only striking difference between me and Lilibear is our heights. I am slightly taller than her; making her head reaches only the part of my shoulder while my head can easily rest on top of her head if I want to.

We reached our floor less than thirty seconds which is impressive for an elevator to sprint out from ground level and all the way to the 78th floor that fast.

I exited the elevator first, heading towards our unit impatiently when Lilibear stops me by my arm, pointing at the second elevator to my right that takes us to the rooftop where we can take a break and gaze at the pretty Seoul skyline in front of us.

"What? It's too cold up there, Lilibear"

I whine, thinking of how windy today actually is but my big sister ignores me as she scans her card on the scanner and the elevator is ready for us in a split second.

"Come on" she beckons me to join her in the metal box. "You're in your sweats! And it's not that cold, Chaeyoungie. Stop being a baby"

"What baby?"

I frown. "For the record, I wasn't the one who rang Halmoni because she made a drama at the CV"

"Well, I always believe it's not childish to depend on someone greater than you"

My sister states, clearing her throat, her back against the cold metal wall. "It gives you a sense of power. Because that people always at the end of your fingertip. It's either you call them or you don't"

She says and the elevator rings, marking that we have successfully transported to the fucking cold rooftop. She leaves me behind like always, stepping out first and into the well - lighted rooftop.

I huff as I follow her closely. We sit on a set of divans that decorate the rooftop and I arrange her food on the coffee table that stands in between us.

"Mommy is leaving"

Lilibear states. Her voice is monotone and I suddenly come to a realization of what this is. Of course Lilibear would find a time to be alone with me. She wants to know what's going on within my head.

"I know"

I throw my head back and open my eyes to gaze at the dark skies occupied with millions of stars. "I just want to make sure"

She says but pauses and I lift my head to look at her.

"I mean, we want to make sure you understand"

"We as in you and mommy?"

She nods.

I take a deep breath, sitting upright before bending forward to bury my head in my hands. "I'm alright I guess?"

"Chaeyoungie, alright doesn't define what you feel. It's just a word to conceal your feeling"

"I don't think so ..."

"Ji-Ae is obviously sad" Lilibear states. "And we know by now that mama isn't entirely excited about the thought mommy is leaving again for a world tour and I myself, understand that it's her job to sing for the world, do shit she's happy and good at and I'm so tremendously happy for her"

She pauses, looking at me with her eyes.

"Those are feelings, Chaeyoungie"

My big sister states. "And I'm pretty sure I did not say any alright in it"

"Lilibear"

"Just tell me how you feel so that I can tell mommy and she wouldn't have to worry"

"I feel fine?"

"Seriously, you are fine that your mom is leaving you for a couple of months?"

Lilibear asks, looking a little surprised at the thought.

"I don't know.... Okay?"

"Chaeyoungie"

Lilibear looks into my eyes. "It's alright to say that you need her. It's a valid feeling. Nobody wants their moms to be away for such a long time and that includes me too. But I have always told myself to be strong until it comes naturally to me. And as sad as I'm to see she's leaving, part of me is just happy. Happy that she gets to do what makes her happy; singing for the world"

"But that makes me sad a little"

I shuffle uncomfortably in my seat and Lilibear wears a small smile at the corner of her lips. "Now, we are moving somewhere. What makes you sad?"

"It's not her leaving that makes me kind of sad"

I run my eyes on my empty palms. "It's just, that she is never ours to keep. Others have their moms to themselves but we are sharing mommy with the world and it's a little bit unfair, don't you think?"

"I get where this insecurity is coming from"

Lili breathes in. "And I agree it feels a little bit unfair but it's not right for us to take what makes her happy"

"Happiness is being with your family?"

I say, clenching my jaws. But Lilibear leans forward to grab my hand.

"Happiness is doing what you love. Family is a forever thing"

"But Lili..."

"She's still gonna be your mom, you know?"

Lilibear says as she fills the spot next to my shoulder and rests her head against the crook of my neck. "And my mom. And Ji - Ae's too. It's just her work and her passion but she will always and forever be our mom"

"But how about mama?"

💙💙💙

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