Heartbreak Hotel (Editing)

Liyah's Journal

June 27, 1983

I've been nostalgic for so long. The emotions, the pain, the tears. All things that I have relived over and over again because I just couldn't let go. I know I'll never forget it. I'll never forget how suffocated and trapped I felt so many years, nor how bad my heart throbbed from the mockery of my tears. The walls between my past and my future have been running into each other trying to crush me in more ways than one. I don't think I will even understand why I had to go through so much. But I do believe I have learned so much by it. No matter how much I swear up and down that I hated my childhood, it made who I am today. It has left me perfectly flawed, and I am beginning to understand myself more than I've ever have. Maybe I will never understand it. Maybe I will when I'm older. Wiser? It's not a manner that should be thought about. No matter what, I have leave them to burn.

I have to leave it all to rest along with the ashes of the life I left behind. I said I wanted to be happy, and I will be. It's a process that I must gain as I walk through this long word called life. Its time that I straighten out the labyrinth I was walking through with many twists and turns that led me to cutting wrong corners, and running into dead ends.

I have let go of my anger through a rage I had no idea I had burning inside my soul. And I have let go of my the pain by flying through air, wind brushing through the pours of my skin breaking away the steel masquerade I had created. I feel free. I am no longer suffocating in this world. The fog has cleared and I am here breathing in freedom through my lungs. For once in my life I am no longer afraid of my future. It used to be dark, filled with uncertainty. Now I can sense where I belong. I am growing stronger than I yesterday, and I am building my life on an empty ground. My walls I created as slowly becoming transparent. There is no need for them to come down, I must remain cautious. No, doubt of that. The darkness I have lived in is slowly fading.

I'm beginning to find myself in this world and it never felt so good.

-Liyah