Heartbreak Hotel (Editing)

Chapter 44: Love Is...

I went running in the rain that night. Out down a trail that lead somewhere that I honestly didn't know where. I just ran it trying to relieve my stress and help me forget about the painful argument that I had with Michael. I didn't remember if we had ever argued about anything back when we were together. He usually tried to just keep his composure and tried to reason with me. Or at least I think that's what he was doing, but that was....I can't even described how bad I felt. Yelling at him was completely unnecessary but it felt so good to just let everything out. All my frustrations. I just screamed it all out at him. Even though he didn't deserve it.

In many ways he was right. He was always right. I was being a selfish little brat who didn't care about anyone's feelings but my own. I was a hypocrite. It just hurt worse coming from him. I guess it was the fact that I loved him and I wouldn't expect him to say something so harsh. Or maybe it was the fact that I knew I was all those things and hearing someone else tell me hurt me. I don't know. I ran out because I couldn't handle what would probably happen next. I was afraid of his reaction. So I ran away from the problem.

I was so sick of being afraid.

While running, feeling my muscles getting tight and the wind run through my lungs, while sweat stuck on my skin his words echoed through my mind. When he told me he couldn't just be friends with me and that he was sick of pretending I realized that I couldn't do the same. We were people who simply could not be friends with one another and simply could not be out of each other lives either. We were meant to be together. There was doubt about that. It's either we have all of each other or nothing. There was no way around it. I don't even know why I allowed myself to believe I could actually only have a friendship with him. I needed him to be there as a friend and as a lover.

With all this on my mind I walked all the way back to the hotel. My goal was to run at least twenty miles. I would do anything to keep my mind off of him, but of course it didn't work. When I walked back in the suite the girls looked like they were on their way to some place. They were all dressed up nicely in cocktail dresses. "Where are you going?" I asked as I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

"We got invited to some fancy party down town. Vanessa is throwing it." Nikki said as she straighted the creamy looking dress on her body.

"Isn't that girl pregnant? Why she throwing parties all willy nilly like that?" I asked, before drinking half of the bottle.

"She throws the best parties." She said softly, shrugging her shoulders. We were all invited. "You want to come..." She let her sentence trail when she saw what I was wearing. I only had on some leggings and a sports bra. My hair was tangled in a pony tail due to the rain and I was sweating like crazy. I was desperate need of a long hot hour shower.

I laughed. "I think I'll pass." I said as I walked around the island. " I could really use some alone time."

"You're so antisocial," Jojo complained. "You always need alone time."

I rolled my eyes and headed towards my room. Shutting the door behind me. My room was the smallest one in the suite which was something that I liked mainly because I hated sitting in a big room alone. It made me feel empty and lonely. There was a giant window that was on the right side of the room. A window that I found myself staring out of on my restless nights. There was a bathroom in the far left corner along with a dresser and bar. The bed was king sized with a giant red comforter on it. And there was a television that sat across from it. I kicked the door closed and immediately went to my suit case pulling out only a pair of shorts and another sports bra. I was really I know mood for wearing any sweatpants and t-shirts like I normally wore and most of the time I didn't even wear pants to bed.