It stands on the east side of 57th avenue. Sitting on the corner to be exact. Heartbreak hotel is. club where anybody who's somebody goes to get high, drunk, and dance the whole night away. Many singers have discovered there. Many dancers even. That...
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The weeks after that day went by in a blur, I don't remember much from it. The only thing that was clear to me was that I spent that week closed up in my room while I thought about things that my mind allowed to run freely through my brain. I tried not to think about the fact that I agreed to do something totally against my will; singing lead for the girls. But that was all I could seem to think about. There are certain things that I just wouldn't allow myself to do and that is one of them. I hated being the center of attention, I hated even having some one compliment on me when they first meet me. I was so shy and sometimes I would become really afraid of the new people that I would meet. When I'm on stage I don't think about much. To be honest, I don't think at all. I do what I have to do and sometimes even get lost in the music I don't realize how good I sound or how good people put me out there to look. I just follow the routine, sing the song, do my part and I'm done. Period. There was nothing left to it.
I kept asking myself why I agreed to do this. Did I do it for De, or for the pressure that everyone was putting on me. Normally I would've just said, hell nawl, I'm not doing it, but instead I agreed for a reason that was totally unknown to me. The question was racing through my head like a star athlete. WhydidIsayyes? WhatwasIthinking? I was slowly beginning to change into something that was not me at all. I don't know where this change had came from. The Aj that had developed over these years would have said no and sat there stubbornly and not change her mind about it. Aj would've have been scared to death to say yes because she doesn't like new things. She liked the normal. This new thing about me was beginning to scare me and I didn't like it one bit. If I was saying yes to this I would be saying yes to laying up with one of those fools that hang around the Heartbreak Hotel.
With that thought I knew I couldn't do this. I hated baling on De when I told her I would do it, but I just couldn't go through with it. It was beginning to mess up who I was and what I known as around there. I knew De was desperate to get away from Harlem but I couldn't get her as far as Brooklyn if she wanted to go. I don't know what made her think I was able of doing such a thing. All the stuff that she said I was capable of in that recording studio meant nothing to me. I had to tell her that I was either singing back up as usual, or I would have no part of it at all.
I made up my mind completely that that is what I was going to do. I had to stop it before it even got started.
I stood in front of De's door Saturday after noon and rung the door bell. The windows were open so I knew they probably had to have seen me walk up the drive way. Within seconds De's mother answered the door. She had her sandy brown hair up in a pony tail showing off her high cheek bones and round red lips. Her eyes had black eyeliner under them and she wore fancy earrings on each ear. She wore a red dress that showed her nice hour glass shape perfectly. I could see where De had gotten her body profile from.
"Hey Aj," she smiled at me showing off her straight teeth.
"Hey, is De here?"
She slowly shook her head, giving me an apologetic look. " No I sent her to the store a couple of hours ago. I don't know what's taking her so long. I guess she decided to pick up some other things."
