Heartbreak Hotel (Editing)

Chapter 38: Unanswered Questions

Two weeks.

Two long, long weeks, I have done nothing but laugh and smile while I was with him. Our chemistry is still there; we never lost it. But there is something that I've never lost. My guilt. Not because of what I did to him. It's what I've done to everyone: Sasha, Leena, Michael, Danielle

...... Apologies and explanations are not things I can't deal with. Mainly because I don't wanna cry. So while I have guilt surfacing my heart, and unanswered questions still roaming through my mind, I use an invisible tourniquet to clean up my still bleeding soul, and I still paint a smile during my days of work. It's because of my guilt.

I wish I could just...turn my emotions on and off. Numb it. Why did God have to bless people with so many emotions? I swear sometimes they can be a curse. In my case it's been a curse my whole life. Well…at least until Michael showed up and helped me understand what it's like to actually be loved. He showed me how love was supposed to feel like and made me realize I was getting it all along. From Liana and Sasha, even from Leena. My brain was just too...clouded with the memories of my past that I didn't even notice it. He made me realize how selfish I had been. I only cared about my on feelings, no one else's. I didn't care about Leena's I didn't care if I made her cry. I just didn't care at all. I had been do ugly to the ones that loved me that they stopped caring about me themselves. The silver lining that existed in the cloud that covered me had faded along the years.

It took me so long to realize that. I thought they were my enemies but really I'm my own personal enemy. All those years...I could've killed myself over my own foolishness.

I spent my day thinking about all of this. Trying to figure myself out more than I already have. When I made it to the hotel everyone was in the kitchen with Sasha who had just came into town. We hadn't been back to Encino in three months now. I sat my bag down on the counter and sat down next to Jojo who was looking through what looked like a cook book. Liana was mixing something in a bowl and Leena, and Nikki was just sitting on the counter tops while Sasha washed her hands in the sink. "Where have you been, Aaliyah?" She asked after noticing I was in the room.

"I just got back from the studio." I said.

She nodded. "So..how's the album coming along?"

"It's coming along great," Nikki replied. "We're working on a new sound."

"Oooh...can I hear some of it?"

I shook my head. "Nope, you have to wait to hear it just like everybody else."

Her brown eyes grew wide along with her smile. " Okay, I guess I can wait." She laughed.

I laughed with her as I played with my nails.

"So where is De? I thought you said she was coming."

"She's probably with Wayne." Jojo said, dryly.

Sasha rolled her her eyes and let out a long piercing sigh. " What do she see in that boy?"

"His Dick.." Leena Mumbled under her breath.

"Watch your language girl." Sasha said without even turning around.

"It's true..."

"It doesn't matter of it is true or not, I don't tolerate that kind of language. It's not lady like, and I raised you better than that."

"Yes, ma'am." She said as she rolled her eyes.

"De was raised better than to be hanging around that slob." Nikki protested. " She claims she's in love with him, but every time we see her at the studio--"

"Shut up, Nikki!" Jojo said as she tossed a magazine at her. " You talk too damn much." Sasha was unaware of the abuse De had been encountering in her relationship with Wayne. Neither one of us told her because we were afraid to. Sasha would have a heart attack.