Heartbreak Hotel (Editing)

Chapter 1

If anyone ever wanted to ask me how I've felt throughout my whole life. All sixteen and a half years of my life, and they wanted an honest answer, I would casually say one simple word: Alone. So alone that I could hear the clock of my own life just ticking away into an oblivion. Into nothingness.

If anyone were to ever ask me how my heart has felt through these years my answer would be as simple as the one before: Afraid. Afraid of who I am now, afraid of who I was before, afraid of what I am to become, afraid to open up...afraid to fall in love.

Love as always been an overrated thing for me. I mean, how do you know when you really love someone. How can you possibly love someone when you first meet them? Do you love them for them, or for what they have? For me, love as been out of the question for me. Ever since I was a younger child I never had what I called "Commercial Love" --- the kind of love you would see on a commercial with happy couples and children. To be honest, I don't think anyone has that, and I honestly think that those commercials should be reported for false advertisement. The point is, the love that people spend almost their whole lives searching for is utterly dumb, and stupid. I mean, who's to say that you will actually find someone to love you completely for you?

I spent most of my life running away from love and anything that falls in the same category: care, sympathy, loyalty. The words I love you was one thing I had definitely tried to run away from. In my mind, It was my way of keeping myself safe from being hurt by the ones that I thought loved me as I did them. Somewhere along my rocky child hood I decided that I would not let that happen...again.

I was leaning against the steel railing of the steps in front of my friend, De's house playing with the ends of my long straight brown hair, ignoring the pointless fickle minded conversation that they were having amongst themselves. Every now and then, I would look up and pick up on what they were talking about; but then, when I began to feel that it was still not worth me listening to I would begin tuning them out again.

De was sitting in between the legs of her boyfriend, Tee. Leaning back against his chest while he played with her hair. She was babbling on about something that was totally unimportant to me. All of our friends seemed to have been into what she was talking about but its mainly because it was probably gossip. That's all she ever did was gossip. She knew everyone's business. From the oldest to the youngest soul on the block. She never failed to know.

"...did my girl all wrong. Got her running around here with those damn kids knowing she can't hold a job if her life depended on it. And get this, she still keeps running back to that negro."

"Why?" I'm friend Shay asked. She was braiding her long curly hair.

"She claims she's in love with him."

"What's love got to do with it?" Tee laughed.

I shook my head at her in disgust." You're just telling everybody's business."

"I'd tell yours too if you had some to tell. " She said then stuck her tongue out at me.

I rolled my eyes at her and began playing with my hair. Just at that moment my sister Leena and our other friends, Nikki and Jojo came running out of the house. Jojo had her note book in her hand. "Aj, we need you."

" For what, exactly?" I asked.

"We just finished writing this song and you're singing most of it."

"This might just catch that music producers attention the next time he comes." Nikki said as she shifted her jet black hair to her right shoulder.

Leena grabbed my arm." Come on sis, we need that amazing voice of yours." she said mockingly, pulling me up from the steps

"Okay, okay." I said as I dusted myself off. I had to deal with Jojo wanting me to sing the songs she wrote almost every day. We all worked at a club called Heartbreak Hotel and we were apart of the performance part of the show and Shay and I worked as waitresses and bar tenders. Leena, Jojo, Nikki, and De all had this dreams of being signed to a record company and becoming huge stars one day. I just went along with them. Mainly because I didn't know what I wanted in life. My future was so unclear to me.