Heartbreak Hotel (Editing)

Chapter 64: Death In Her Eyes

"Heart felt people with no heart."

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I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember the day, what I had on, what I was doing. I can remember the smells, the laughter I heard. I can remember the weather, it was a warm fall day in September. I remember looking at a clouds trying to figure out if it looked like a clown or a strangely deformed dog.

"C'mere lil girl." She said to me in a low query voice.

I stopped in my little tracks and stared at her, sitting lazily on the couch

"Yes?"My voice was small and high pitched. It rung in my ears with its annoyance. The air was filled with a strange pasty smell I was all too familiar with a clod of thick fray smoke circling around us from the cigarette she held in her hand. I was rather bored and lonely that day. That's what I remember about it, being bored and lonely. It was feeling that I knew all to well, along with that feeling of mistrust every time I looked at her, and that slight feeling of love that I never admitted that I had. I saw that when I looked into her eyes. I felt it, it was there alright, but that was like a feather falling on my skin. It was felt, but barely.

"Where have you been?" She asked me, slowly with coughs following behind. I watched as she leaned forward in the grey sofa to dump the ashes into a small red ash tray.

I was silent for a moment. Not out of fear, not out of hesitation, just because my mind hadn't yet signal for my lips and my tongue to start moving.

"I asked you a question, girl."

"No where." I answered.

Her eyebrow instantly raised, going as high as it could go, and her lips pursing upon her light colored skin."Oh, yeah? Where's that?"

I didn't answer. Not because I didn't know how to answer. It was because her her hazel green eyes made me feel so uncomfortable that If I were to answer my explanation wouldn't have made much sense. So i chose to stand and look stupid, rather than answer the question in the same sassy way I knew I was capable of.

"I'm waiting."

Still, I stared, and still her lips remained pursed. It stayed that way for a moment then she relaxed her expression. She began to shift herself on the couch to where there was room next to her. " Come sit next to me, girl."

I don't know what made me go without any reluctance or hesitation. I was a robot, excepting her commands and obeying her orders. It was almost as if I was her slave, unwillingly. She place her arm over shoulder and pulled my closer to her. She was warm, her skin was smooth as it brushed against my long lanky arms. She smelled exactly like an ash tray. The smell irritated me as it burned my nostrils more than the oder of the apartment building. "I know where you been." She said slowly as she began to rub my hair with her hands; I could feel her long manicured nails scraping at my scalp."You were back at that church, weren't you?"

Fear struck my and my heart began to beat. I tried to mask the fear that was on my face. My mind instantly went back to when she told me to never go back there. "Let me tell you something, girl. I'm your momma. You know what that means? It means, whatever I say, you do." She spoke in a calm voice, but I could still sense the threatening tone She was giving me."Now, I'm here to take those little fairy tails out of your head, because this..."She began waving her hand in the air. "This is the real world. God. Jesus. Mary. Joseph. None of that shit exists. That is just something people do to trick people in givin' them money. He don't exists. And that music....whatever that shit is you be doing down there with that damn woman. That ain't gone get you no where. You ain't got talent. You ain't gon be good for nothing but sitting running these streets. Just wait until you're older. You gone be just like Leena. Leena do what she's supposed to do. She do what I tell her to do, and you will to." I stopped and took her cigarette out her mouth and brushed away the ashes that had fallen in her lap. "Why can't you be more like your sister. You're so damn uncooperative, just like your daddy.