~~~
"Kirishima?" Kira wonders, noticing the eerie quietness of the dorms.
It should be as lively as ever, music playing, confetti flying about, presents being torn into. But, it was dark. Kira had to admit: she was frightened, anxious.
It didn't feel like the dormitory she had fallen in love with. It felt like a place she'd never set foot into before.
"Where is everyone?" She asks the darkness.
"They're in the courtyard," Kirishima finally speaks up, breaking the silence with a croak in his voice.
"Well, let's go and join them then," she says, laughing nervously at the atmosphere.
"No," he replies bluntly. "I told them that I wanted to see you alone and that made them all leave pretty quickly."
"Alone?" Kira echoes, stepping closer slowly, his figure hiding somewhere infront of her.
"We need to talk."
"Already?" Kira asks. "You don't need more time? It hasn't even been twenty-four hours yet."
"I've been given all the time I needed."
"You... you have?" Kira struggles to spot him, squinting ridiculously.
Kira hears him shuffle, before his voice grows louder as he nears. She waits for her partner to speak, to explain, while her vision grows accustomed to the bizarre lighting.
She hears him sigh, a heavy breath, full of regrets. "I've had doubts," he tells her, finally.
Kira's glad for the dim lighting, hiding her expression that portrays confusion, hurt and guilt. Emotions she's never felt so strongly around Kirishima. "About... us?" She asks hesitantly, afraid of the answer.
"No- yes," he responds quickly. "Well, about everything."
"You can talk to me, Kirishima," Akira assures him, her words stumbling over her tongue, words she's repeated for as long as she can remember. "I'm here for you."
"That's just it," he says harshly. "You're... not here. You say you are, but you're not. Not really."
"What do you mean?" Kira urges, those negative emotions coursing through her. "I am here. Right now. In front of you."
She allows herself a few inches closer to her beloved, her steps frighteningly loud in the darkness seperating them. She wants to reach out to him, like she should have done this morning. She wants to feel him close to her, like she longed for this morning.
Kirishima's head moves slightly, his bright red hair acting as a beacon in the darkness, guiding her closer to him, avoiding the treacherous waters.
"Everything has become so much clearer," he adds, dragging out the words. "I don't know how I could have been so stupid."
"Kirishima," Kira pleads, her hands ready to embrace her partner, to absorb any doubts and pain he may be experiencing. "I don't understand. What's going on?"
Kirishima grabs her wrists, preventing her from enveloping him in her arms. "You've done nothing but lie to me all these months."
Kira doesn't know where this sudden hostility has come from - is this even her partner before her? He's so different. Now only inches between them, Kira can see his eyes, his bright red eyes she's come to adore, now darker than before, despite the lack of light in the room. They've been dim for a while, his skin pale with bags under his eyes ever since he was released from the hospital and Kira chalked it up to his recent experience against the Shie Hassaikai, but she's been blinded by it all - by her own devotions. Kirishima has been battling with something for a while and now it's finally decided to make an appearance.
"I followed you," he blurts out. "I followed you to the police station."
"You what?" Kira's brows shoot up. "Why?"
"Why?" He echoes. "Because I was worried. Because when you didn't come back to the dorms after class, I knew something must have happened. I asked the others where you might have gone, but no one knew. Except one person." Kira waits for him to continue his rant, analysing his face in every detail. "I don't know why Bakugou knew where you went and I didn't, but he told me that he saw you and Mr Aizawa leaving UA."
"But, if you knew that I was with Mr Aizawa, then you had no reason to chase after us."
"Of course I did!" He raises his voice with disbelief. "I didn't want you to go through something like that alone."
"It's not the first time I've been interrogated by the police," Kira says. "You know that."
"That's not the point."
"Then what is?" Kira wonders. "What's the whole point of this conversation?"
"The point is..." He sighs again, his energy drained, his tone tired. "That I saw you talking to someone."
Kira freezes - he saw her with her father. That's why he's acting this way.
"I was going through it all in my head," Kirishima explains. "Maybe it could have been an old friend. Maybe a relative? But, no" - he shakes his head - "you don't have any. Right?"
Kira swallows thickly. She doesn't know what to say.
"You don't trust me, do you?" Kirishima whispers, his voice thick with his confession. "After all we've been through, I don't think you ever have."
"Wait a minute," Kira says desperately. "You're getting ahead of yourself, Kirishima. You don't know the whole story. Just let me explain."
"Oh, so now that I found out, you want to fill me in on everything?"
She shakes her head quickly, and he finally releases her wrists. "It's not like that. So many people already know about it, I don't see the point in keeping it a secret anymore."
"What?" He says, quietly, his expression twisted with hurt. Betrayal. "Other people know?"
Kira feels dumb - she merely blinks at Kirishima, watching the trust and devotion fade from his eyes.
"Who else?"
"Kirish-"
"Who else knows?" He interrupts, his voice harsh and demanding, a tone she's never heard on him before. "And don't say-"
"Bakugou," Kira tells him. "Midoriya and Mr Aizawa. That's it."
"Wow." Kirishima scoffs, taking a few steps backwards. Away from her.
"No- it's- I didn't- ugh," Kira rambles, running a frustrated hand through her hair. "I didn't have a choice."
"Like you chose to keep me in the dark?" He's looking at her like she's a stranger. "You could've told me anything. Trusted me."
"Why... why are you speaking like that?" Kira goes numb, her eyes locked onto his, searching for the answers. "Like this is already over?"
Kirishima stares back at her for the longest time, his eyes roaming every inch of her face, soaking in every desperate and frazzled emotion that escapes her.
"You don't need me to answer that."
"Kirishima - no," she says sharply, walking towards him briskly. "It's not that easy. I'll tell you everything and anything you want to know."
"I don't... want to know. Not anymore," he tells her, his pained voice transforming into one full of regret and loss. "Clearly you kept your secrets from me for a reason."
He steps around her, staring down at one of the sofa's in the livingroom, anywhere but her. Kirishima calms his rattled nerves, his hands reaching up to grip the back of the sofa, avoiding her pleading gaze. "Ever since I was released from the hospital... now everytime I see you, I just..."
"Just what?" Kira says softly, staring at his back.
She notices him look up, his shoulders moving delicately in the harsh lighting. "I just... feel more alone."
It feels like a knife has just been plunged into her stomach and then twisted round and round. Kirishima heaves with his exhausted breaths, his tone shaky with the guilt. The guilt and the truth.
"Did you really have to be that honest?" Kira can only respond, feeling breathless, like that weight that so recently threatened to bring her to her knees is now nonexistent.
He turns to her at that question, his eyes brimming with tears, his cheeks flushed from struggling to keep his sadness stored away. Her heart explodes at the sight of him and Kira immediately questions herself - what has she done?
Kira decides to create a few small light orbs from her fingertips, illuminating the both of them in an eerie green glow. If this was something ending, she didn't want it to be in the dark.
"You're gonna give this up that easily?" Kira asks, taking a tentative step closer.
"I've been thinking about it for a while now," he explains. "Ever since the Shie Hassaikai."
Kira scoffs lightly, looking down at the floor for a moment. "That's why you pulled away yesterday. You already made up your mind then."
"No, I wasn't sure," he argues, shaking his head. "That's why I suggested a break."
"But, now?"
"Now, I know," he adds. "I know that it's not going to work."
"That's what I don't understand, Kirishima," Kira approaches swiftly. "I don't know why you won't give me a second chance. Why you won't listen."
"Because it won't change anything," he replies. "You still decided to keep it from me. For months. If you don't feel like you can confide in me, then why the hell are we together?"
"Kirishima!" She blurts, finding this whole situation more dramatic than it needs to be. "How can you jump to conclusions when you don't know everything!?" She doesn't wait for him to reply, rather she doesn't give him the chance. "That person that I met, that person was my father."
"Your... your what?"
Kira nods eagerly. "I've been meeting with him in secret for a few months now, only because he asked me to."
Kirishima looks baffled. "I thought he died?"
"So did I," Kira tells him. "But, it's a long story."
"Then how do Bakugou and Midoriya know?"
"That's another long story." Kira sighs. "All that matters is that I didn't choose to tell them because I-I trust them more. They merely found out, because I was too clumsy."
"And Aizawa?"
"Him, I told," Kira admits. "But, not until yesterday."
Kirishima nods uncertainly at the news he just learnt.
"So?" Kira wonders.
"So, what?" Kirishima returns the absent stare.
"So, this isn't over?"
Kirishima sighs heavily, looking down and Kira's stomach sinks.
"Even after knowing the truth, you still won't try?" Kira's voice breaks along with her heart.
"I've been trying, Akira," he finally speaks her name. "For weeks. Months."
Kira can only stare at her beloved, spiralling into these unwanted emotions, until she no longer feels like herself, until she feels numb.
"I'm not saying all this to hurt you. God, that's the last thing I want. I just need you to understand," he pauses. "Understand why."
"Well, I don't," Kira snaps, growing angry with the confusion, with the way he gives up. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my father, okay? But I'm just coming to terms with it myself. I'm so overwhelmed by- by everything that I don't know how to even do anything anymore!"
"Which is another reason why this needs to happen," Kirishima adds. "We already agreed on this part, Akira. Why are you making it more difficult than it needs to be?"
"Because..." Kira chokes up, the tears finally finding the strength and courage to show themselves, pinching her cheeks a hot red and staining her skin with the pain. "Because I think I fell in love with you, Eijiro."
The tears that Kirishima kept close to his chest finally escaped, rushing down his face and onto his shirt, pooling around his chin before vanishing to the ground. His eyes were red with the strain of keeping his emotions on a tight leash, but at the sound of her confession, that dam broke, unleashing the sobs of her partner. They both stood there, staring at one another, sniffing back the tears and rubbing their cheeks of their sorrows.
"Akira," Kirishima finally manages to croak out, his throat hoarse from the onslaught of emotions. "I don't know if I can love you."
Those words froze her solid, the tears instantly stopped as if a switch had been flicked. Those words echo in her skull, digging deeper and deeper into her soul with every loop.
"Just because of one... little... lie?" She asks, her voice barely audible.
Kirishima clears his throat, forcing his gaze elsewhere. Perhaps looking into her pained eyes is too much for him.
"You know," he starts. "My biggest fear is that eventually you'll see me the way I see myself." He looks up to her, his eyes soften when they meet hers again. "But, now I realise I was being naive. You'd never see me like that." He scoffs at his own words, staring up at the ceiling in deep thought. "I wish I could just make a wish and become a better person."
Kira licks her lips, her throat parched and her energy spent. It's been an exhausting evening. "Why didn't you tell anyone what you've been feeling?" She wonders.
His eyes pierce into hers. "No one asked."
"After all these months, after everything we've shared, it's going to be for nothing?"
"Nothing?" He repeats, a frown appearing. "I'm going to remember these past few months for the rest of my life, Akira. It's just... how am I supposed to love you, if I don't love who I am?"
"But, that's something we should figure out together," she pleads.
Kirishima releases another shaky sigh, forcing the oncoming tears away. "I'm going to choose to ignore the distrust," he tells her. "And say to you that the reason why we can't be together, is merely because of me."
Kira frowns at his words, his reasoning, refusing to seek sense.
"I don't want to end this because of a confrontation, because of hatred and distrust," he explains, slowly reaching out a hand, placing it on her upper arm. "I need to figure myself out. And I need to do it alone."
"But-"
"No, Akira," he cuts her off gently. "Don't make this harder than it already is. I just... can't do this anymore and there's nothing that you can say or do that will make me change my mind."
Kira feels her bottom lip quiver, fighting to unleash her grief once again, but she bites down, refusing to let herself cry again. Kirishima finally lets go of her arm, offering a sad sort of smile, his dimples under his eyes showing. She's always adored them.
"I loved you, Kirishima," she whispers, shaking her head.
Kirishima pondered for a moment his eyes flickering down to her lips, like he was going to end the conversation with a final kiss, but decided against the notion, knowing it would make everything that much harder. Instead, he simply walked past her, causing a chilling breeze to tangle her hair and brush over her face. She didn't turn to watch him go, knowing that whatever they had is so abruptly over and she still doesn't know exactly why. She couldn't.
"Akira," his voice speaks up once more. "I won't tell the others about it. Your secret, I mean." Kirishima says.
She still doesn't turn but ever so slightly turns her head. "Why?" She whispers.
"I don't know." Kirishima shrugs, shock evident in his voice. "I guess some part of me still trusts you. Even though you never felt the same."
With those final stinging words, Kira bowed her head, her eyes clenched tightly shut as if that would stop the hurtful tears from sneaking out. But, nothing could prevent her heart from aching now. She just listened to the sound of his footsteps becoming more and more distant until there was silence and Kira was left alone with her thoughts. Could she have said something differently to keep him with her? Her light in the darkness.
Kira cracked her eyes open, hoping that she'd wake up from a nightmare, but when she found the sofa staring back at her, almost pitying her in a way, she finally succumbed to reality, clutching onto the back of the furniture so tightly, she thought she might set it alight.
Kira wanted to scream, to run far away from this place. This place that no longer felt safe, like a sanctuary.
Eijiro Kirishima was the only reason it felt like home.
~~~