Remember When ↠ l.p.

For Your Eyes Only

Triggering: Suicidal (or slightly) thoughts and talk of past abuse. Kinda sad chapter tbh...

~Saturday/Present~

"I'm so done with all of this." I groan and lean back against Liam's side. I'm sat at a very odd angle, balancing my laptop on my lap and leaning half against his side and half against his stomach. He, in turn, has his legs propped up over several throw pillows and is leaning against the headboard of the bed.

"Keep looking, Izzy." he instructs, leaning down to kiss my head while his fingers keep tapping away at the keyboard of the laptop he has open on his own lap. The edge is poking into my back slightly which is the main reason that I readjust myself so that I'm sitting next to him against the headboard.

"We still haven't found anything about Hector or why Sophia wanted to fly to Australia and it's been a week in a half." I retort tiredly. We have been searching nonstop, our hopes to tie this possible threat from Hector to file for custody up quickly, but it's quickly faded. At least, it has with me.

The only part of our plan that has worked this far is that we we successfully found the lawyer who had helped us before. Louis got in contact with the lawyer before he and Harry left, in case Hector acted immediately. (I'm too lazy to look up his name, SORRY) He remembered helping us before with Liam and was eager to help again, he's been absolutely lovely. Luckily we haven't heard anything yet from Hector.

I'm not sure if it's such a blessing, I find that not knowing is really more stressful for me than having him show up daily and reiterate his plans. I've been a wreck this past week and the girls know that something is wrong. Because why would mommy be crying while she's making breakfast and absent so often from playtime? I've been battling resurfacing memories with the help of Liam. To my shame he's been sleeping with me for several nights now.

I've given up on putting off a relationship.

There, it's been said. I have bigger things to worry about now and I've given in to Liam's assurances that an us couldn't go wrong. There was always a looming possibility of failure before that I felt was too great a risk to chance. Now I find a very real risk right in front of us and Liam's arms were the first place that I turned to. I don't want to do this alone. I want my family with me and these past month he's been exactly that. He's been family for a long time, I just never knew if he would take the sort of brotherly friend role or if it would be a more intimate one. It's been set now, I've confided in him and he has returned the favor. We wake up and brush out teeth together. He throws my dirty laundry I've dropped on the floor into the hamper and has somehow managed to secure himself his own drawer of clothes and several of his jackets are hanging in my closet. My bathroom no longer smells exclusively of flowers and fruity scents, there are spices and manly smells too. I moan about the leftover toothpaste that's left in the sink and he scolds me when I put off doing the laundry and end up wearing the oddest, mismatched outfits. We've become some sort of a team, slowly learning how to work best together and how much to push and how much to pull.

The first time I realized that he was living here and that I was really and truly accepting it (because really, before, I was just ignoring it and letting my fantasies play out in front of my eyes. I was hoping that it wouldn't come crash down and denying that it was what I thought would happen), our relationship, was this Tuesday. It was the first night the he slept over in my room, but at the time I didn't know he would do so. It was getting late and I was struggling with my fears and insecurities. It has been five days since Hector had shown up on my doorstep and I was freaking out. I still couldn't believe how connected things were, that Sophia had actually found something and that she was going to find Hector who had left the country for some reason, instead of just the city like I'd told him to. I was also reeling from having seen him so suddenly. I'd only just gotten used to saying his name without flinching and seeing him was skipping too many steps. I was in no way prepared for the onslaught of emotions that poured through me after the adrenaline and anger wore off.