Remember When ↠ l.p.

Endgame

The next morning I try to start things on a different note. I take a refreshing shower that invigorates me for the day. I get dressed, choosing to wear one of my favorite shirts and having some fun with the makeup I put on today. I head into the kitchen and begin making the breakfast, nibbling on some grapes while I work. I end up plugging my phone into the speaker in the kitchen and pulling up a song from about four years ago, it was one that brought everything together in the crisis of 2015. It was a year full of drama within the fandom. I was at the community college and working part time, so I wasn't as directly affected...but I heard about all of it. It was all over magazine covers and the internet. However, when this song came out the fandom seemed to draw back together and regain some of it's strength and trust. It's a game changing song. 

"With your love nobody can drag me down," I sing along with the song, dancing a little, my bare feet tapping on the linoleum floor. "Nobody, nobody!" As usual the song manages to lift my mood and remind me of a simpler time. The song was released just before I found out that I was pregnant with Cailyn. It helped me a lot to remain strong and really, along with my parents, gave me the strength to stand my ground...against him.

"I take it your in a better mood than last night?" Mother has snuck up behind me and makes me jump with her quiet question. I smile a little and nod, she smiles in return and exits the kitchen. I assume she is going to get the girls up and continue to toast some waffles and cut up some fruit. My plan is to bring Tessie in tomorrow. I want to give Liam at least one more day. Over the space of the night (which was filled with a lot of tossing and turning) I had a lot of time to think over things. I've come to a place where I haven't accepted what the doctors have said. I think one way or another, he's going to wake up. But I'm not ignoring the possibility that he could die or reach a point where we would give up on him and take him off life support. I'm somewhere in the middle, not blindly and naively hoping...but I'm not going to just accept that there isn't any hope at all. I'm going to fight and will him to live as long as I can. Starting today, I'm going to start listing reasons for him to live. Reasons like Tessie, his immediate and extended family, his friends, etc. etc. I came up with loads of others and wrote them down last night. Things like not being able to see the sun rise in the morning and things similar to that. Not being able to watch the waves at the beach and enjoy the consistency and strength of the ocean. Not being able to teach Tessie how to drive and beat the boys off her front porch with a stick. Eating ice cream, who wouldn't want to live for that? Never visiting that certain place he always wanted to travel to (although, granted, he's been nearly everywhere). Never going skydiving or completing his bucket list. Never wishing on a shooting star. Or never being able to eat his favorite food again.

These are the weapons that I'm bringing to this fight. Then tomorrow I will bring my final weapon, his daughter. Who, even while he was so warped from his normal self, he loved most and never stopped loving. If there's one thing that will bring him back, I'm sure it's her. I just have to make sure that she's ready to see him so sickly. She's a strong girl though, I don't doubt that we can get through this together. Because really, there's nothing a father wouldn't do for his child.