Remember When ↠ l.p.

Heart to heart

Boys on the side at the OTRAT rehearsal :')

"So can I get you anything, are you hungry?" I ask Sophia as I return to the living room.

"No, I'm fine thank you." she smiles easily and then dives right in. "It's just...I was hoping we could really talk it through, I feel like I can confide in you about things and not feel as guilty about them." I raise an eyebrow but nudge her arm that she should continue. "Well to begin with, I've found marriage and raising a family harder than I expected. I'm sure a lot of people say that but I was surprised how hard it became for me to juggle work, family, making sure Liam and I were on good terms, and then still find time for sleeping and being alone with myself. I honestly don't see how women with more children who have to cook and drive them to school do it, I don't see how you do it sometimes. You never seem to run out of energy."

"Oh, believe me I do." I snort. "In fact just a few days ago I took a nap with the girls because they wore me out that day. I agree, there are some women who are just powerhouses and domestic queens." I shake my head in amazement. "I saw a mother at the store the other day, she had ten children, they were all her own and she was out shopping for a family reunion she was hosting that weekend!"

Sophia laughs "I would never be able to do that. It sometimes makes me feel so inadequate I almost want to stop trying. Work is easier almost, there's less of a risk."

"Ahh, but that's just it isn't it? You have something that makes the risk worth it, something you can't give up, your daughter." we share a smile and I hesitate but continue on an impulse. "There have been several times that I've wanted to give up or stop trying so hard. Earlier, when Cailyn was younger I was engaged and then things took a turn for the worse and...it was really hard to think that I could ever be a good mother to her."

"I'm so sorry, that sounds horrible." Sophia frowns and reaches over to pat my leg. "I can understand if you don't want to talk about it."

"I don't really want to, thank you...but there's just something in us, I think. As mothers whatever that thing is, it makes us want to do better and then somehow, by some miracle we do it. I honestly didn't know if I would make it out of the depression and pain that I was left in when she was little. And yet, I did. I had help of course, but that's the sort of thing that makes us stronger."

"I absolutely agree. I'm not sure if it's just me, but I always cringe at the thought of accepting help when it comes to Theresa. I'm afraid that it will mean that I'm a bad mother. I had such a hard time when we got the first nanny." she shakes her head and chuckles. "Poor Liam, putting up with me and a seemingly endless crying child."

"Before we moved here I had to put Cailyn in a daycare for several weeks, because of work and being unable to watch her. I felt terrible. Later on, my mother told me she could have found the time to watch Cailyn, if only she had known it meant so much to me. That made me feel worse." I fiddle with the hem of my shirt, avoiding her eyes. It's the first time that I've admitted to how much it bothered me to have made such a mistake. And to have my mother so easily clear it up right before we left, allowing us to pull Cailyn out of daycare.

Sophia nods fervently in agreement. "I've been in similar situations. I always seem to make my worst parenting mistakes when my mother or mother-in-law is around. One way or another, something goes wrong and I handle it poorly as well." 

"It's probably some sort of curse!" I tease and we both laugh. We discuss mothering a bit more and then Sophia brings the conversation back to the argument. "We don't usually fight, we had just been pushed to our limits that night and it was rather inevitable. I'm just so sorry that Theresa had to hear it. Neither of us wanted that to happen, never in a million years."

"I know, I know. For sure, no parent would. And I don't think any less of the two of you for it and I told Liam as much. It's natural, there isn't a couple that doesn't fight or have rough patches. It refines you, I think." I shrug. "I could just be talking bull though."

"No, I like it." she grins. "You can be wise when you try Izzy." she covers her mouth and her eyes widen. "I'm sorry, I've just heard Theresa call you that so often I'm afraid I've come to think of you as Izzy. Do you mind?"

"Not at all! I love nicknames, I feel like they're intimate." I pretend to swoon. "It means our friendship is entwining and growing stronger."

Sophia laughs and I'm glad to see her like this. Unguarded and relaxed. I like her like this. "Well I'm glad, I want us to be good friends."

"I do too. But as friends you must tell me when I get too dramatic." I instruct her.

"Understood." she says and reaches over for a hug, surprising me. I return it and we sit there for a moment. I'm glad she stopped by today. I'm glad we had this talk. It's brought us closer and made us more comfortable with one another.

IM SO CHEESY DONT HATE ME OK

THERE WERE SO MANY SONG REFERENCES LOL

I was had half of this written yesterday but I didn't get to finish before I went to winter jam (a concert with like ten artist for cheap) and got home late and yada yada. I wanted it to be a complete scene you know? So here you go, late and third time I've missed a day I think. 

So yea...Izzy and Soph are getting closer yay or nah? xP And you get more hints about Izzy's past too *smirky face*

Comment & vote please!!