Remember When ↠ l.p.

#Lisabella

"I'm so glad I made most of the dinner already," I confess to Liam who has taken a break from birthday games, handing the responsibility of game-maker over to Mother. "I'm not sure that I could have gotten much done in this state I'm in right now." I bounce a drowsy Darcy in my arms. "And I would have to leave Darcy and let someone else hold her. Yup, definitely glad the dinner's mostly finished."

"Were you alright?" He asks quietly, he seems to do a lot of things quietly or in a subdued manner. "You were really crying for a minute, before you pulled yourself together. I thought that I had done something wrong and that you hated the surprise."

"No, no!" I reassure him, putting a hand on his arm. "I came over and hugged and thanked you, remember?" I smile at him, he's a little different from the old Liam and sometimes he says something that sounds eerily close to something that the other Liam might have said, but he's still Liam. Just a little skewed and fuzzy around the edges. Sometimes I feel like he's still getting used to being back and that he's readjusting himself to his body and being heard by people. 

He hasn't really shared much with me, but his therapist has passed on a few details because she thought I should know. He described the other Liam being in charge like watching a movie or being in the passenger seat while someone else was driving. Liam could speak to the television screen, but no one could hear him. He could speak or remind the driver of something, but sometimes he wouldn't be heard by him either. She said he has remembered some of what happened when he wasn't in control of his body, but for the most part his memories are in messy pieces, scattered everywhere.

She advised me to talk about the old days and not press him on what he doesn't remember. The memories will come back on their own time and if he feels stressed and pressed to remember them he may only hinder their return. I was glad to hear it, I was half afraid that I would be told to try and help him to remember. She explained that doing so could only have the danger of forming false memories for him, I would explain a situation and all that happened in it. Afterwards, he would have imagined it the way I described it to him and try so hard to remember that he could easily begin to think that he did remember it. 

I was relieved. There are things that he said and areas where I feel I failed him during that time when other Liam was in control. I don't particularly want to remember those times. So I'm more than happy to forget them for the time being. If Liam remembers them and asks me about them, the times I tried to reach out and to help and was scared off. The times where he yelled at me. That day at the courthouse when I took over guardianship. They are hard to remember for me and I'm sure they would only be more painful for him.

I glance over at his relieved face as he nods, gratefully. "I knew then that they were...happy tears I guess?" He chuckles. "I was scared for a minute though, that's for sure."

"You don't have to worry about it. There's not much more you could do to scare me off," I wince at how that sounds. I'm not doing such a great job at forgetting the past. "I mean, well I mean that I'm a part of your lives now, yours and Tessie's. I won't be leaving very easily."

"I'm glad," he  says, so quietly that I almost don't hear him. "We don't want you to leave our lives either." He places his significantly larger hand on top of mine. He smiles over at me for just enough second to make my face start heating up and my breath to come a little quicker. Then he leans down to smile at Darcy, leaving me a little breathless and glancing around the room to make sure no one else saw my reaction.