Remember When ↠ l.p.

Plunging

I push Cailyn in front of me as we walk up to our apartment. I numbly press the correct floor number and lean against the wall of the elevator as we rise up. Cailyn leans against me and wraps her arms around my legs. I don't know how much the girls could hear from Tessie's room or if she's just picked up on my mood from how quickly we left or how quiet I was in the car but she's being the perfect angel. She holds my hand as I unlock the front door and let her go inside ahead of me. She runs into her bedroom as I shut the door behind me wearily. I lean my forehead against it and let my eyes well up with tears.

Could it really be my fault that Sophia is dead? I'm sure that I sounded completely certain of myself when I told Liam he couldn't put the blame on me. But I can't help but wonder...if they had never found out about my past or if I had at least discussed it with them, anything really. Would she still be dead? Would Liam still hate me like he does now, it's apparent he can barely stand to look or speak to me. Never mind anything more than that. If I had been honest with them and not so afraid would Tessie have her mother back? Would Liam be back to the way he was a month ago? Already I can feel his words sinking into my brain, permanently sticking to my conscience and breaking through the walls of my past.

I feel as though I'm spiralling into a pit of darkness that I've only just managed to stick my head out of. I feel like I can't breath, I'm not even sure that I should be breathing anymore. I clutch the wall, my finger nails scratching the paint, searching for something to hold onto as my shoulders shake with silent sobs. I make my way to my room with shaky steps, not wanting Cailyn to see me like this. Not wanting her to wonder why or question that I'm ever anything but alright. 

I sit on my bed staring at my hands, the ceiling, and anything really. I rub my nose, getting snot on the back of my hand that I stare at blankly. I'm a mess. I can't let this happen again, Cailyn will notice this time and I don't want this for my daughter. I don't want to be the broken mother I once was. So I do the only thing I can think of. 

"Mom?" I whisper into the phone's speaker hesitantly "I'm...I'm having a hard time of it again."

Sorry I missed yesterday, I was trying to get this blog post up for a blog tour and yeah. Things got hectic. Anyway what do you think could have happened in Isabella's past? 

Vote & comment pleaseee