Remember When ↠ l.p.

Elephant in the room

"Pass the salt please?" My head jolts upward, away from my food, as Liam breaks the silence. 

"Sure," I slide the salt shaker towards him at the other end of the table. The girls, who usually fill the dining room with chatter are very noticeably absent. 

"Here." Liam pushes the salt back to me. I smile briefly at him. I push the salt shaker into its home next to the pepper shaker, relatively close to the very center of the table.  A somewhat awkward silence starts to build up again

I return to staring at my food, lost in thought. 

Ever since we started doing this, hanging out alone-without Sophia and without the girls-the atmosphere feels off. Like something is missing, like we aren't sure what to do about the elephant in the room. I'm not even sure what the elephant is, obviously we haven't discussed it. 

A single lightbulb hangs down from the ceiling, illuminating only a small circle of light. It's just enough to shine over the entire table. The table seems to stretch for miles between us. I'm at one end of the table with Liam at the other. 

I can't think of anything to say. I can't think of what I should say. What did we used to talk about? When Sophia was here, we were always talking about something, whether that was the girls or something like the news. I glance up and watch Liam chewing his food thoughtfully. Do I dare to venture a question about what he thinks of this year's political race? Does he even keep up with that sort of thing? He's only lived here for two years, does he care about our government enough to keep up with it.

I take a bite of the bland food. I push the food around on plate. There's nothing interesting to bring up.  Why can't I think of anything? I set my fork down with a slight metal sound that echoes throughout the room. 

Liam smiles across the table at me. I smile back. He hides it so much better than I do. What's wrong with me, so wrong that I can't think of anything to say. Why can't I settle down like he has? Leaning back in my chair, I start to push back from the table. I pick up my plate and take it to the sink. I struggle to balance the correct way on the counter. The circle of light follows me, splitting off from the light around the table. From my spot by the sink I turn and look back at Liam. He waves to me from the table, what now seems to be far from me. 

I turn away, slowly, to frown at my hands that grip the sink tightly. What's going on with us? Why does everything feel so...gray?

I FINALLY UPDATED

SORRY