Remember When ↠ l.p.

Listen

"So is that all we can do?" I ask, a little annoyed at the situation after I've had a few minutes to think it over. "Just sit and wait it out, experiment with the medicine and see if it all fixes itself?" 

Paddy looks a little weary as he replies. "I'm afraid that's right. I have no other ideas or options. Really, the last word comes from his parents."

"I wish there was something better. It doesn't seem safe." I stare past Paddy's shoulders and out through the nearly floor-length windows in the cafe. People walk around, weaving in and out between each other. They're all going somewhere. Me, I feel like I've paused here. I see Cailyn and Tessie growing and changing every day and yes, I feel amazing about all of the emotions and mental hurdles I've managed to deal with this past week or two. But I can't help but be suspicious of this tiny voice that's telling me I'm trapped here. Wherever here might be...and I feel trapped feeling helpless for far too long. 

If only... no. I don't even know what I'm thinking. I pull my gaze away from the window and squeeze my eyes shut. My thoughts happily play on although I don't want them to. If you hadn't made that mistake with Aaron, then none of this would be happening, they tell me. If you had paid attention. If you had been a good girl. None of this would weigh on you. None of this would be your fault. But you did, you made an error and paid for it. Then you worried your mom. Then Sophia and Liam found out and tried to help and look where that has gotten them. They're either dead or going crazy from grief. All of it returning to me, a little trail of dazzling bright signs pointing all the blame to me. Rightly so, where all of the anger should be directed.

"Isabella?" Paddy's voice makes me jump. I open my eyes, he's watching me with his forehead wrinkled in worry. "Are you okay? Is it- I mean not that your mom mentioned anything in detail- but has it been triggered again, like when Liam yelled at you?" his expressions hardens.  "Was all I just told you too much? God, I knew I shouldn't have told you." he clenches his fist against the table. "Shite!"

"No, no I will be fine. I just need," I look around and wave my hands vaguely. "Can we go back to the house? I think I just need to see them. See the girls and him. I think it might help." I try to stand up and trip over my bag lying on the floor next to my chair. My hand flies to my chest in fright at almost falling.

"Of course, did you bring your car?" he walks around the table to me and lifts me up gently, a hand around my waist and a hand underneath my elbow. 

"Yea, it's out front, you know what it looks like." I lean over and grab my bag and keys from the table.

"I don't know that you should be driving." he frowns at the keys in my hand.

"Would you might taking me to Liam's and then driving me and Cailyn back here to pick it up when we leave?" I wince inwardly. I hate to take up so much of his time today. Not to mention that he's probably worrying about me now. I wouldn't blame him if he were to quite, I don't doubt that most other men would. But he's got a bond with Liam. I think he'll honor it.

"Alright, let's go then. I'll drop you round again when you're ready to leave. So long as you can properly drive by then." He pushes open the door to the cafe for me and guides me through. 

"Thank you. I know I've said it a lot today but I really want you to know that I mean it. Thank you Paddy."

Kinda feel meh about this. Happy Easter anywayyy