Remember When ↠ l.p.

Brighter

I think the universe is on my side

Heaven and Earth have finally aligned

Days are good and that's the way it should be ~Echosmith

*Two weeks later*

"Mommy can I keep my pet turtle?" Cailyn's voice drifts down the hallway to me from her room. I roll my eyes.

"I told you that you could keep all of your toys mi hija!" I push a few loose strands of hair out of the sweat gathering on my forehead. "It's just that we have to rearrange things, not really get rid of anything."

Our prior plan to turn the guest room into Tessie's was vetoed by the girls. Instead we're turning the room into a sort of playroom for the girls to have, but we're keeping the bed there in case I ever have visitors. So instead we've moved half of Cailyn's room out and are planning to squeeze another bed in for Tessie.

I put my foot down to the girls' protests that they could sleep in the same bed and be happy about it. I've settled too many stolen blanket arguments to be naïve enough to believe them. Today we're in the middle of moving as many toys and miscellaneous objects out of the room to make room for the bed that's being brought by before dinner.

As of now, the hallway has turned into a war zone, stuffed toyed animals strewn about, arms and legs splayed. I've been pushing my feet through the mess, instead of stepping I'm opted for this option since I won't accidental step and break anything. Or step on something and get poked.

Luckily Cailyn doesn't own any Legos, those tiny pieces hurt the worst. She does own tiny doll shoes, crayons (which aren't in plastic bags like I want them to be), tiaras, combs, and myriad of other, small, pointy toys.

Since winning the short court case (turns out it's not so hard with a good lawyer and lots of evidence) and since I was cleared for guardianship, things have been moving along smoothly. After my stressful meeting with the shrink (I am determined to stick to my declaration to never return to a therapist's office) I waited for several days to hear word about whether or not I would be cleared. To say that I was emotional and stretched thinly those days would be an understatement. I snapped at the slightly thing and eventually took to holing myself up in my room when I could.

Then, suddenly, it was all over. Colin called to tell us that we could come collect Tessie from the Payne Mansion whenever we wanted and helped us get through the remaining paperwork. Louis has spent the rest of his time trying to get Liam all the help he can, but he has been having distractions. The adoption that he and Harry were working on began experiencing problems and more often then not you see him talking on his phone worriedly. I know it's been killing him to not be with Harry.

For days Louis had no progress with Liam, it was only yesterday that he seemed to make a little progress. I tried talking with Liam once, just after we had moved Tessie, and let's just say it didn't end well. Nothing really happened, but I could tell from just those few sentences that I wouldn't be any help to Louis. I could feel that Liam was much more angry towards me, still. So instead I spent my time with the girls, falling back into the routine we had before everything changed.

Me, I've been doing better too. Mom and I have been talking, everyday as usual, but also a more serious, longer chat once a week. I've also started keeping a journal, it's become a valuable outlet for me. I've found that it helps to get my emotions out, in this way especially. Somehow, seeing my fears and paranoia written down on paper helps. It makes them seem more present, and thus, less frightening. Which makes absolutely no sense, but then things hardly ever do with me. Something else I've been trying, it's so simple that it's stupid, is being optimistic.

Yes, optimism. There's something oddly refreshing about not worrying. Sometimes I do feel like I can turn it off and push away whatever doubt is lingering in the back of my mind. Some days, of course, that doesn't work but it makes me feel better and certainly more successful. It's similiar to what I would feel during school, often I would leave most of my work until the last minute. And I was aware that I was doing it, the guilt would get to me as I was falling asleep that night. Yet if I did even the tiniest bit of work I wouldn't feel nearly as bad than if I hadn't done anything at all. Even though there was barely a difference.

So therein lies the state things are in. Louis is making slight headway with Liam, much to everyone's relief. We're not sure yet, however, if he'll be coming back to finish putting Liam in a rehab. Or leave it to Paddy, who we have finally found and rehired. Turns out that Liam broke Paddy's phone and had some "thugs" (well they weren't really thugs but I can't help but think of them as thugs) haul him out of state. But as I said, we're not sure if Louis will be coming back.

His plans, the last time I spoke to him (i.e. yesterday), were still to be flying back to the UK day after tomorrow. We were planning to have a get together tomorrow after Tessie was all moved in. And also to send him off. I assume that's when he'll fill us in on his plans. I'm not sure that Paddy could do it alone, partly because Liam seems to bear Louis and his nagging. Grudgingly bear it, but bear it all the same.

I honestly think Louis could be our last hope, Liam seems determined to hate both Paddy and I. Considering us to be at fault or to have betrayed him. For that I don't think he'll forgive us, at least, not in this chemical haze. While I think this, I won't let Louis know. I don't want to pull him away from his family, the one he might finally get except it seems to be trying to slip away from him.

Because here, things have finally taken a turn for the better. The sky looks clearer and the sun shines brighter. Across the pond he's needed, to be superman and solve his husbands problems or at least be there to hold him and go through them together. So I won't let him know and whether he comes back or not...I just can't thank him enough. It's because of him that things have worked out so beautifully.

"It's looking good." Caitlin's voice breaks through my thoughts.

"Hmm?" I twist around to smile at her, coming out of my musings.

"The rooms, mommy. I know the hallway is a disaster." she rolls her eyes and mocks the words I scolded her with earlier. "But I can already see it's going to be so great." she trembles with excitement and nervous energy as she turns and runs back to her room for another load of toys. I shake my head and smile after her. Oh to be a child again.

She's not wrong though. Things are going to be great. There's a brighter future I'm dreaming of...and it's almost here.

So I haven't been updating regularly for like a month, whoops. Long story short, I was out of town for about two weeks. Then my computer charger decided to break and I was without my laptop for a week or so. So basically once I was ale to calm down and be ready to write again, my laptop was unusable and it wasn't like I was going to use the family computer, sorry. So I'm back xP I doubt anyone missed me but...yeah. I'll try to do a minimum of 700 words for the next couple days haha