Remember When ↠ l.p.

Help

"Mom," I smile as I welcome her with a hug before she can even step inside. "thank you so much for coming." She chuckles and pats my back.

"You needed me deary, so of course I am! As if I would be anywhere else. Psh." she winks at me and then bends down to hug Cailyn who is tapping her foot impatiently as she waits for her turn to welcome her Grammy.  "And how is my Lynn-girl?"

"I'm so good! Butttt," she leans in closer to whisper loudly "I think mommy's been sad. I don't know what to do with her." 

"I'll see what I can do to help." Mom replies seriously. They look back over to me and I try to smile. It's hard. I don't want to be so broken that I need help. I don't want my daughter noticing that I'm not myself and worrying about me. I feel so powerless.

If only my paranoia and fears were tangible things. Then maybe it wouldn't be so hard to fight them. Maybe I could be my own champion. If my thoughts didn't blow things out of proportion and cause me to physically shake at the terrors I've conjured out of imagination, maybe I could conquer these words. I could forget them, easily or without much trouble. But instead I'm trapped in a prison I've helped to create. I can't get past the words I won't allow myself to forget. 

I hardly notice that I've sat down on the floor, the door still partially open behind me, until my mother starts shaking my shoulder gently. I return to reality and wipe my eyes quickly, very aware of the single tear escaping. "I'm sorry. I- I must have..." I trail off because Mom has heard all of my excuses before. Sure, she can be absolutely crazy sometimes and drive me up the walls. But at the same time she's probably the person who knows and understands me best. She's also the person who has always been there for my every need, bless her. I cling to her side as she helps me to the couch. She frowns at me with concern but then turns back to where Cailyn is still standing by the door, looking worried.

"Would you like to watch a movie Cailyn? I think your mommy needs to have a nap. She's so tired she's sitting down on the floor!" she plays it off and gets Cailyn settled for a movie and makes her smile and laugh. I try to smile at them, I can't know if it actually works or not. It might just look like a grimace or overly fake smile. It'd odd, I notice while sitting there rather disconnected from reality and watching my mom take care of Cailyn so she can take care of me, seeing Cailyn alone. I'm so used to seeing the two together. Tessie's not here today and won't be here. I had texted Liam and let him know I was taking the day off. He didn't respond but when no one arrived with Tessie this morning I figured that he had gotten the message. "Alright Lynn-girl, come get me by knocking on mommy's door if you need anything alright?" she leans over next to me and whispers quietly "Can you walk?" I nod and manage to get to the room fine with her following behind me. 

When we get there she motions for me to sit on the bed as she closes the door behind us. I prop myself up by the headboard, piling pillows behind myself. We haven't had one of our therapy sessions in so long. I was doing so well... I don't blame Liam of course. He didn't know. And even if he dido somehow manage to find out about my past, he wouldn't have found out about the non-physical scars left over. He's suffering just as much as I am. Perhaps more, he didn't mean it. My mother snaps her fingers in front of my face to get my attention.

"Are you comfortable?" she asks me. I nod and try to smile. She pats my leg and sits down on the bed in front of me. I toss her a few pillows to lean against too. "I don't remember how I used to start this, gosh I'm getting old," she laughs and shakes her hair out of her face as she leans over her lap to flip open a small notebook. "Ahh yes, let's begin then. I've found my spot," she informs me as she motions down to the notebook. "So, Miss Sandoval. Why don't you being by explaining your symptoms?"

Idk how this was sooooo...leave a comment and tell me if it was crap or nahh