Remember When ↠ l.p.

Just Liam

It's been a long day. We find ourselves at the end of it, lying about on various chairs, couches, or on the floor with various cushions stolen from the couch, while watching the girls' current, favorite disney movie. It's the one that I've based the majority of this party around so I thought it was only fitting that we end the night with it. I had spoken with Cailyn's friends' parents earlier and so they all have permission to spend the night. I'm not entirely sure how well they'll go to sleep, since they're all going to be in one room together and I'm sure they'll be keeping each other up with conversation. Hopefully they'll all be too tired and go to sleep quickly, if the drooping eyes and yawning is any indication. 

Somehow I've ended up curled next to Liam, his arm wrapped around my shoulders and my head rested on him. Well...most of my body is leaning on him actually, but my head is on him, all of it. Mother has been smirking over at me all night.

We haven't really talked about my feelings since I first blurted them out. Too much has been going on, honestly. I've hardly had time to think about it, the "what if"s sneaking up on my as I'm trying to fall asleep. I admit I've daydreamed and imagined different scenarios, much like I did when I was younger and an avid fan, desperately hoping to meet the boys I idolized. I know it's rather weird, but it's not what I'm doing now.

I'm not daydreaming about Liam Payne anymore, I'm daydreaming about Liam. Even in the band, his personality changed slightly and he grew up, really. The same has happened now, he's been through many brutal situations but came out the other side, still fighting and still strong. But he's not the same Liam that was in a boyband. He's not the same Liam that convinced me to become his daughter's nanny. He's just Liam now. He's my friend. He's someone I've fought for.

I feel like we have been closer lately, though neither of have admitted to noticing it. I often find myself cuddled into his side or sitting very closely to him on the edge of his bed at the rehabilitation center. There's no use rushing, he's obviously still working through a lot of things. I don't expect him to be suddenly all better because he's more himself again. That's the whole reason that I still have guardianship over Tessie. He's not ready to return to regular life yet, and that's fine.

I trace a finger down the arm hanging over my shoulder and watch as he gets goosebumps following the trail my finger is making. I wouldn't want to make things move too quickly. I still feel guilty for imagining that there might be a future with him being...someone special to me. I can't say it yet. I just can't.

Mother mentions all the words I'm afraid to say bluntly and often. "When are you going to kiss him? Have you held hands yet? Oooh, have you read the girls bedtime stories and put them to bed together? That would be so romantic! You two would make such a cute couple, I'm not even being biased, you would!" And so on and so on, she tells me things like that. I think she means to be encouraging, but it's not what I need. It's never been when it comes to her pushing or nagging for me to get a man. 

I have to do it in both my own time and my own way. 

I yawn silently and glance up at Liam, whose eyes are focused on the movie. Currently the main character, a princess, is struggling with the evil king in order to save her sisters. Louis and Harry are cuddling on the other end of the couch and Harry looks utterly enraptured by the movie. The girls are too, even though I'm sure they've all seen it at least once already. 

I yawn again and this time Liam looks down at me and watches as I hurriedly cover my mouth with my free hand. Nobody needs to get a whiff of my after-dinner breath and whatever spices or bits of lettuce might still be stuck to my teeth. "What?" I whisper to him as he continues staring at me after I've finished yawning. On screen, the princess is teetering close to the edge of a cliff and the king looks like he's about to triumph. 

"Nothing," he whispers back. There's a lock of his hair falling out of his quiff rebelliously and curling slightly on his forehead. It's very distracting. "I'm just enjoying the view."

"The movies over there, dork." I remind him.

His eyes don't leave mine, locked on tight. "I know it is."

THAT'S CHEESY I KNOW UGH SORRY

AND SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN TWO DAYS I HAD STUFF SO YEAH

STAY COOL AND FAB

also gonna make that my new pfp