Remember When ↠ l.p.

On the brink...

I manage to stay busy and keep my mind from straying to depressing thoughts for most of the day, but that doesn't continue as the sun begins to set. I've nothing to do and Tessie's ride, whoever it is that Liam has asked to bring her home, is running late. My hands can't seem to stay still, I throw my phone up and then catch it. Then I set it aside and fold my hands, my thumbs fidgeting together. I feel as if I've spent today making goals to reach. Telling myself to just take it a minute at a time and just complete the task at hand. To finish making the lunch, just finish playing with the girls and keeping them occupied, just finish putting them to bed for a nap, just finish paying the bills before they wake up, and so on and so on.

I got the idea, sometime last night, to try to call Paddy. He must know something since he was the one who was out looking for Liam so frantically. Perhaps he has my answers. I tried calling him this morning, before I managed to focus on the girls. He hasn't replied yet. I'm hoping that he'll either pick Tessie up tonight or maybe bring her over tomorrow, but I know it's a stretch as he spends nearly all his time at Liam's side. 

I have so many questions. Why was Liam in such a crazed or confused state of mind? Why did he come here? Has he really been doing this badly the past month? Was what he said about Sophia being on that plane because of me true? Or is that something that he has imagined? What if he's been more or less like he was the night he came here since he's been back? And we haven't noticed simply because he's not as bad the entire time? Does he need help? What exactly does Paddy know about all of this...has he told anyone? I hope he's not handling this alone... Oh I wish he would call me back!

A knock on the door startles me. I shake myself and get up to answer the door, hoping that it will be Liam or Paddy, despite how foolish it might be. Instead a somewhat familiar employee stands there on my worn welcome mat. I brought it from home and placed outside each of my new apartments here, to try and make things less foreign. I've seen this woman before, she works in their house I think. I've never really met her. I give her a tired smile and call for Tessie that's it's time to leave. She and Cailyn come, laughing down the hall and towards the door. If they weren't here...if it weren't for my mother...I'd hate to think what state I would be in. 

"Bye Tessie, be a good girl for your daddy alright?" I whisper to her as I embrace her in a hug, so that her driver won't hear me. I don't know how much Liam meant last night, but I'm already quite paranoid that he'll fire me. It's not about the money, honestly, although the raise in payment is a blessing. But Tessie has become a part of our family and she and Cailyn are as close as sisters and I can't imagine them being apart now that they've become so close. I watch her leave with that said and wince as the door closes solidly behind them. 

I step back and take a raspy breath. Cailyn glances at me worriedly. I know that while I may have pulled myself together once Tessie got here that she's noticed how jumpy and odd I've been acting. I try to smile and reassure her but inside I'm panicking. Maybe I should let mom come up. When I get this way...I can't make proper decisions. 

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