The failed experiment (Bucky x reader)

Third exam

The morning came too quickly and Nat walked in without knocking. She was holding two cups of coffee and Leia only gave a soft warning bark since even she was out like a light. Bucky had rolled over in his sleep and had you trapped with his metal arm in the bed and your legs were tangled up together. Nat took a moment to take in the sight, she had a feeling this would continue once you got to the compound. She noted how Bucky was even taking the protective spot by the door, and the way he held you, made it barely look like you were in the bed with him. Chewy and Harry stood up and wagged their tails at Natasha while she went over and sat on one of the lower book cases and stared at the pair of you in bed. The way he was holding you, reminded her of the way Bruce held her most nights. Or at least it was the way that they woke up. They didn't advertise their relationship, but she remembered you had caught on almost instantly when they arrived at your cabin. You didn't mention it, only treated them like you had treated everyone else. With kindness and trust. Trust was something that she didn't really have with a lot of people, but with you it had come a little easier than most. You hadn't done anything to break it, if anything done things to make her want to earn yours even more. She cleared her throat and felt Lily jump up and want pats this morning.
You opened one eye and seemed to jump a little. "Good morning Nat" you finally sighed and gave a small smile.
"Had a good sleep?" she took a sip of her coffee, watching you over the rim of her cup.
"Mmmm... really good. Bucky keeps me safe and warm" you blushed a deep red.
"Is that all?" she quirked an eyebrow.
"Yes Natalia" Bucky's voice came out gravelly. "I was enjoying my morning cuddle. To what do we owe the pleasure?"
"Breakfast is almost ready, and I wanted to make sure Y/N was going to come eat. It seems she's been skipping meals on purpose" Nat sounded a little upset by that fact.
"Tony..." you sighed out in resignation.
"Why you missing on meals doll?" Bucky pulled you closer to him.
"She's worried about the cat suit" Nat answered when you wouldn't.
"Does Tony tell people everything?" you sounded defeated.
"He told me because he knows I'm going to make sure you make it to breakfast. Now Bucky will too" Nat gave an evil smile.
"Come on doll, time to get up and go eat. Stop worrying about the cat suit" Bucky moved his arm so you could get up on your own. You wiggled off the bed and ran into your closet while he went out the door to go change in his room. Nat followed you in and sat on one of the dressers offering you the extra coffee which you happily took.
"We have another mission coming up" Nat decided to forewarn you. "We got some new intel, and it looks pretty good. Most of the team will be needed for this one"
"Except me, right?" you already connected the dots.
"Once you've trained with us a bit, and know the ins and outs of everything you'll be joining us. But this one, no. You won't be joining us regardless of what happens today" she nodded her head. "Peter has school so he won't be joining, but I'm not too sure of who all will be left behind. We are even looking at bringing Thor and Loki for this one"
"It sounds pretty important" you had put on a pair of jeans and another band t-shirt with your red converse sneakers.
"It is, we think it's the base that you were held at. Which makes the intel we want from inside it more valuable" she saw you freeze.
"Nat, no. You can't. Don't go there. There will be other enhanced individuals who will be out for blood. They were broken, trained, forced into this. That place is a madhouse. They will kill you if they get the chance, or try to take you if your healthy enough" your eyes were pleading with her. "You don't understand, it makes Hell look like a paradise"
"Then you better pass your test in case we need back up" she slipped off the dresser, and saw you still panicking in front of her. She leaned forward and gave you a hug. "Just pass your tests, and focus on that"

After several reassuring kisses from Bucky, and hugs from several members of the team (even Scott), you had no other choice but to go for the third exam. Fury led you to an office on an upper floor where you saw several agents walking around and looking at you curiously. You squared your shoulders and concentrated on keeping your face blank of emotion. You had to remember this was just another test, and you needed to pass. He opened a door and looked at you to enter on your own.
"Y/N Y/L/N" an older man stood up and held out his hand to you. Chewing your bottom lip and you reluctantly shook his hand and you saw Fury give a small smile in your peripheral vision. "I am Doctor Sun, but you can call me Sunny. We are just here to have a conversation, its not that scary. Its also being recorded" he looked to Fury who seemed to be hesitant to leave. You checked your necklace to make sure it was still on, and nodded to him while taking a seat on the cushy love seat.
"I'll be back for her in an hour" Fury announced and walked out.
"So I understand you've been in hiding for the last 8 years" Sunny started out.
"That's correct" you nodded, wondering if it was just going to be questions.
"What were you hiding from? I want to know about it all from the start" he sat back in his seat.
"I was taken as a child from my family, when I was on my way home from school. There was a man with a gun who knew where my family was, my address, the babysitters address... they threatened to kill them if I didn't go with him. It turned out he worked for hydra. I was taken to an old warehouse where there were other children, and we were all being placed into cages that looked a lot like dog crates. I.... I tried to run, but they shot me in the leg. From there we were brought into a room individually and given injections. That was just the beginning. It became a daily occurrence for a long time. At night they would use Chloroform to put us to sleep and move us locations. I remember there was many different bases and different tests they would administer. For the first year, after a while they did the tests with several of us in the room. What started with ten children in cages that day, slowly dwindled down to five, the others didn't survive"
"But you did" Sunny interrupted.
"I didn't want to for a while. The injections hurt so much, and it felt like my body was getting ripped apart continuously. I spent the time I was awake trying to plan a way to escape. Slowly I watched them break the other children. Some of them looked forward to the injections after a while, looked forward to the testing. They started wanting to kill, had some kind of blood lust. I remember one boy, Damien, one day he just ripped out a hydra agents throat just because he simply could. When they started the tests, our abilities started showing. I was the only one that housed two powers instead of one. All of us were different. Damien was a shape shifter with super healing powers, Emily was able to use nature, Jeanette used a red flame, and Joey became their newest super soldier" you paused, thinking of their faces as they had given in to all the pain and started to work for hydra willingly.
"How did they test your abilities?" he leaned forward in his chair, obviously invested.
"I'm not sure of the others. I was too dangerous, they said. I would be hooked to chains hanging from the ceiling. At first they thought it was only pain that brought out my abilities so they used knives, baseball bats, guns... I ended up killing a lot of them with my ice ability by accident. It took over to protect me. Same with the doctors when they would use scalpels and cigarettes on my skin. I had no control. Over time, I realized how to control my powers on my own... then they started with the whips to keep a safe distance. They realized I could use fire as a power as well, and they wanted me to turn it off or switch powers. I couldn't always control that either"
"You can now?" he asked.
"Yes, I can now" you nodded.
"Did they find a way to control you?" Sunny poised his pen over his notebook.
"When they started with the electro shock treatment, and gave me trigger words... Yes" you felt tears hit your face.
"What are your trigger words?" he leaned in.
"I'd rather not talk about that" you bit your bottom lip. "I'll give them to director Fury, but I'd rather no one knew them. I don't want to be controlled again"
"You referred to yourself as a failed experiment to the others" Sunny wasn't asking.
"I was supposed to be one of their assassins, but my recovery time was too quick for my memory. The amount of time to do a mission was only a few hours, otherwise I would come back to myself and try to escape. They caught me every time. I would fight them on the assassinations, because I knew Hydra was killing innocent people, and I didn't want that blood on my hands"
"So you still continued to fight them, even after ten years of torture?" he asked slightly surprised.
"Because what they were doing was wrong, and I knew it. It would have been easy to give in, and no longer have that daily pain. But what is a day of pain, in comparison to an innocent life?" you asked him.
"So you took the pain to save people, but what about yourself?" he asked.
"I didn't matter" you shrugged.
"Do you still feel that way?" he pressed a button.
"Sometimes, but I've had several people come into my life that are making me see differently. I want to make a difference, and I want legal justice against those who have harmed those children and all the people I saw being tortured" you felt another tear fall unconsciously wiping it away.
"Sometimes people die when the Avengers go on missions" Sunny reminded you.
"That seems to be a necessary evil. In Hydra it was kill or be killed when they taught you combat training. I understand it, but I'd rather avoid killing if I can. I prefer justice, and I really hate bullies. That's all Hydra is, just a bunch a bullies" you crossed your arms, then uncrossed them.
"Tell me about combat training" he asked softly.
"We had to fight one another, or against the experienced Hydra agents. When we fought against each other, we were forced to use our abilities. The others relished in it. That's how Emily and Joey died next. Damien took them out. We were taught how to use knives and guns against moving targets, and if we missed there was whips involved for me. Damien would get branded, but he healed quickly. Jeanette, I don't know what they did to her because she was put out into field work before long. Damien soon joined her"
"How did you escape?" Sunny put his pen down after taking several notes.
"I was allowed outside once a day for training. I was tired of being used as a whipping post and saw the means to escape. Damien was there, and I knew he meant to come to kill me that day. I.... I froze the entire court that they had me in. I saw Damien starting to break through the ice that I had him trapped in, and..." you had to take a moment to breathe a shaky breath. "I turned all the ice to flames, I burnt them all alive. I killed them. I took money from some of the bodies and I flew out, and never stopped running for days. I learned not that long ago, Damien survived. He's dead now. I tried to let him leave with his life, but he reminded me it was kill or be killed and the avengers shot him in the head when he was leaping to attack me"
"I'm sorry, you flew out?" Sunny asked.
"They called me the Blue Phoenix, if I let my abilities take over completely, I have wings. But it hurts to try to recall them back. Its like ripping yourself in half. Letting them out is like being whipped and branded repeatedly with no hope for it to ever stop" you admitted. "It hurts people when I let my abilities all the way out, so I'm always careful not to"
"Your abilities hurt you" he stated.
"Yes, but I'm working on that. I think theoretically I can control that. I just have never tried in the last 18 years because I thought I deserved that pain" you were honest about it at least.
"What can you bring to the Avengers? What makes you different, besides your abilities" Sunny gazed into your eyes kindly.
"I can help, and that's all I want to do. I think my abilities give me a boost on how to help, but I am trained in weapons as well as martial arts. I was intended to be a soldier, I just wasn't compliant for them. I think the Avengers or Shield initiative is correct and lawful, and that's something I am willing to leave hiding for" you nodded.
"You think you would be compliant for them instead?" he raised his eyebrows.
"They do what's right, regardless of the situation. They don't murder innocent people, they do whatever it takes to make sure that their missions are always successful and that people are protected. They are kind, loving people who deserve more trust then they have been given in the past. I admire them, more than anything. To be able to fight along side them would be my ultimate goal. I had never really thought of myself as anything more than a failed experiment, but they saw me as more. So I want to be more, for them" you leaned forward looking him in the eyes.
"How are your anxiety attacks, and nightmares?" he changed the subject.
"They are still there, but Tony and Bruce made inhibitors that can be turned on and off if needed. It stops my abilities from taking control of my body when I can't control myself" you shrugged.
"Do you need them often?" he was scribbling in his book again.
"I prefer they stayed on, for everyone's safety until I find a way to control myself better" you bit your bottom lip. "Like, if I were to turn it off right now, the room would get very cold because we just spoke of a lot of memories that make me angry and sad. The frost ability wants to take over. It wouldn't hurt you because I can control it enough while I'm conscious. But it would make you very uncomfortable"
"What about the flames?" he seemed intrigued.
"Ah... I used to think it was hopefulness, but its happiness that triggers that. And that one is harder for me to control. Its also dangerous inside" you gave a faint smile. "I'm working on that one too"
"You look tired Y/N" he observed.
"Because I cried, and I want to cry more but I'm holding it back. I don't like to talk about my past, Im not proud of it" you admitted.
"So the day you escaped, you said you turned the ice to flames... what made you happy?" you knew that question was coming.
"Because, I was about to be free for the first time in 10 years. I was no longer going to have to worry about them putting me in the machine, or doing more experiments. I didn't have to worry about any more torture. I only had to worry about escaping, and I was going to do it even if it killed me" you gave a small smile. "I feel awful for the lives that I took, but it was the only way"
"So if Hydra took you again, would you kill to escape?" Sunny seemed to be focused on death.
"Only if it was necessary, and was a last resort. That's not who I am, or who I ever wanted to be" you shook your head thinking about it.
"Do you have flashbacks?" he seemed curious. "Vivid memories?"
"All the time, I go for runs to clear my head. It usually helps" you nodded.
"I understand you have a lot of scars; can I see them?" he leaned back in his chair.
"Is this for the psychological exam?" you countered, taking in a hesitant breath.
"I need to understand how bad the torture was, since you seemed to just gloss over it" he nodded. You stood up, and pulled your top off easily and heard him take in a breath. You turned around slowly feeling tears fall down your cheeks feeling like he was seeing you down to your soul.
"Do you need to see the rest?" you asked, starting for your jeans.
"That won't be necessary. I am going to recommend that you take medication for your PTSD, as well as your anxiety. Otherwise, my recommendation is that you join the team" he gave you a moment to put on your shirt and you shook his hand. Fury was at the door a moment later and walked in.
"Showing the scars wasn't necessary" Fury seemed upset.
"I had my reasons" Sunny smiled and you walked out with a red face. He handed Fury the list of medications that they wanted you to take, and also called out that you needed at least a monthly appointment to talk to someone.

"Did I pass?" you asked Fury once he brought you into his office. You had a few more tears escape your eyes while you tried to drink the bottle of water, he had handed to you.
"You passed; however, he is not going to continue treating you. He went too far" Fury seemed genuinely upset. "That's a lot of scar tissue. Doctor Cho and Bruce are going to help with that. You'll be in a healing containment for a few hours a day over the next week to help rebuild the damage that you experienced. It won't get rid of all of them, but a good portion of them"
"When do I start training?" you took an offered Kleenex and wiped at your face.
"Tomorrow, you'll start with Natasha on learning how to hack systems since you'll start out small with recon missions. You'll also start with defense training with her in the afternoon. I think you deserve the rest of the day to yourself" he gave a kind smile. "The footage that I saw of the meeting with the doctor, the other's may see it if they look up your file" he started. "I can delete it"
"I'd rather have no secrets, if someone chooses to know my past and the scars that I hide... then they can" you bit your bottom lip deep in thought.
"Will that include the footage of you taking down the werewolf?" he asked, and you looked up surprised. "I might have seen it, without Tony's permission"
"That, I'd rather kept secret" you sighed. "The full capabilities of my powers are best kept within the team"
"I'd like for you to be formally introduced by the end of the month, Kitten" Fury grinned at the nickname.
"Fine by me Director" you started to head towards the door. "I'll be headed for one of my jogs, if that's alright with you"
"You may want to try using one of the Avenger gyms, they are well equipped" he looked at you curiously.
"I enjoy the woods" you shrugged.
"Wear the gloves" he reminded you as you walked out the door.