Lisa's pov
I hold her hand as I watch her sleep. Wondering how long has it passed since I was allowed to see her that way.
It was probably years back, when she was still a clingy little girl, wanted her mama to do everything for her.
But right now, she isn't the same Lili she was before. And sometimes I blame myself too, for not being able to see how much she was actually hurting.
Leaning in closely to her face, I press my lips against her cold cheek, with a hope it would transfer her some of the warmth that she needs to bounce back faster than what the doctor has told me and her mommy this morning.
Please God, I have prayed a million times in these few days that she slips into coma. Please give me a second chance to make things right again. And I really desperately hope that He will give me that chance I need.
And this time, I won't screw up.
Both Roseanne and I. Because we have seen how much we need each other as a family and I don't think I would want to let any of them go again.
Not now. Not ever.
"Hey"
I clear my throat as I get a hold of her hand. "It's me"
I introduce myself stupidly before pressing my lips together, contemplating of what to tell her next. A part of me suggests I say things like get well soon and I miss you. But a part of me says I should go with things that I feel.
And I guess listening to the latter could never be a mistake. Sometimes, you need to ring what your heart tells you so that you won't forget. Because it's human nature to forget and not remember.
So, again I grab her hand and bring it to my lips as I kiss her hand tenderly, wishing she would open my eyes right now to set her eyes on me. "I'm sorry, it's dumb" I begin.
"I know you already knew that it's me so I'll begin again. I'm sorry, Lilibear. Sorry for being too blind to notice your suffering. I didn't know you were hurting. Didn't know that you were feeling unimportant. Didn't know that you weren't feeling loved enough"
I pause as emotion starts to wreck me from within. I take a deep breath, making sure my voice doesn't crack as I speak again, my hand still holding her tightly.
"But do you know something? It's all lie. Everything that you thought was real. It was all just made up. Of course you are loved, Lilibear. Everyone loves you. Mommy, Ji-Ae, me. And even Chaeng. Though you know how stubborn she can be"
I take another deep breath as I touch her hair using my other free hand. "And you're important, Lili. Always. You're always a pride to me and mommy. We can't thank God enough for giving us such a smart, loving and confidant young lady as our child to share. And you have always been Ji-Ae's role model. You know she always wants to be like you right?
And if you really feel like, things are too much for you, you can always tell me. I would listen, Lili. To everything that you have to say.
And I would hug you and kiss you and tell you, that Lili, just because someone says you're not that smart doesn't mean that's true, because your family knows your worth more than that and we all love you and respect you and want nothing else but to see you happy"
I stop as I wipe my tears silently and proceed to lean in and kiss her temple.
"And next time when you wake up, I really want to always remind you of how you make me feel; proud and love and all the good things in the world, my love"
I kiss her again and lift my eyes from her face to stare at Roseanne who looks at both of us from the see - through window at the corridor. "I love you, Lili"
I whisper, hoping it would get to convince her well enough to come back.
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"Hey"
Roseanne says, tiptoeing to seal her lips against mine. I hold her close, my arms around her waist as I prolong the kiss.
At first, it was meant to be a quick kiss. But of course, Roseanne being Roseanne; she starts to become so inappropriate as she bites my lower lip harshly and pushes her tongue to explore my mouth before I grin in the kiss and push her away slightly.
She whines a little at the loss of contact. But then proceeds to rest her head against the crook of my neck. "Stop being so inappropriate, Rosie" I chuckle. She bites my neck quickly before giggling. "Can't help it that you're so hot and I'm melting"
"We are in the hospital..."
"Alright, fine" she sulks but not for long. "How's Lilibear?"
"I talked to her" I look into Roseanne's eyes before tugging her long, blonde hair behind her ear. "Let's just hope she is easy to convince just like her little sister"
"You mean Ji-Ae?"
She arches her eyebrows and I nod. "Honey, we all know Ji-Ae is not easily convinced. Especially when she's is jealous"
"Yes, apparently someone takes after her mommy really well in that department"
I play with her hair and she grins, scrunching her nose as she pinches my cheek. "I'll pretend I don't know what you're saying"
Shw laughs before attaching herself against my figure again. "I love you, Lisa. So so much"
"Yeah" I peck her lips and pull away quickly before she can even respond to it. "And I love you too"
I finish as I rest my chin on top of her head and hug her for a moment longer as we both watch through the glass at our sleeping angel, wounded angel who obviously needs to be healed again.
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"I want Lilibear!!!"
Ji-Ae whines as the helper brought her to the hospital on Roseanne's order. The baby is throwing tantrum and it's acceptable.
It has been almost a week that her big sister has been missing from her life which makes her special little heart to miss her.
"Alright, little love"
I say to her as I bend down and collect her from the floor. And although she weights a ton, i cradle her against my chest and tap my finger against the glass panel to win her attention.
"See? It's Lilibear. She's sick. So, they have to put her there"
The little eyes observe for a moment before she starts to wail again, louder this time as her face turns red.
"Is she going to die?" she asks as she cries and I immediately comfort her. "Of course not" I kiss Ji-Ae softly on her cheek before proceeding to wipe away her tears.
"She's not going to die, I promise you okay? She's just sick. It's like a fever and she'll get well soon, okay?"
"But I miss her"
The baby whines and I look at the nurse who is standing a few steps away. I beckon for her to come in which she does. "I know this is too much to ask" I begin.
"But can I take the baby inside?" I point inwardly at the direction of Lili's room. "The baby misses her big sister"
"Alright"
The nurse says after contemplating a few seconds. "But be quick. We do not want any infections to take place considering that the patient is still weak"
"Understood"
I say as I look at Ji - Ae who is still crying. "Hush now, baby"
I say. "We are gonna go inside and say hi to Lili, okay?"
"I want to kiss her" she retorts and I smile. "Yeah, you can do that too. But just for a while, okay?"
"Okay" she easily promises. "Okay?" I repeat back after her before sticking out my small pinky at her.
"You promise me you'll be good?"
"Promise"
She grins before intertwining our little pinkies together. "Okay. Come on now"
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We walk into the room, hand in hand and she runs towards her sister's bed before I can say anything. She doesn't cry but her eyes are wet with liquid. "Lili' she mutters childishly, her palm swatting her big sister's but confusion shines in her eyes as Lili gives no reaction to it.
Then she turns her head to look at me. "Why Lili doesn't wake up?"
She arches her eyebrows and I smile. "Well, the doctor just gave her a pretty heavy meds. That's why she's been sleeping"
"Then I'll wait here until she wakes up" the baby says as she sits up on the armchair next to her sister's bed. I smile as I fall to my knees in order to comfort her. "You know, your big sister misses you as much as you miss her"
"Then wake her up" she puckers her lips and I take a deep breath. "She will wake up, you know" I kiss Ji-Ae on her cheek. "But maybe later. When the meds wear off"
"But I just want to see her again"
The baby says and I can't help but to mumble a yes too.
"We are same, I think"
I say as I lift her from the armchair as we both look at Lili who looks as if she's sleeping peacefully. "I want her to wake up too. But I guess we have to wait"
"Will I get ice cream if I wait?"
She asks sneakily and I grin. "Let's go" I whisper to her. "Before mommy catches both of us sneaking out for ice cream"
I utter again and she nods her head happily as we both walk out of the room.
But there's always something that makes me pause for a second as I stand outside the room.
Wake up, Lili. Things will be different once you're here again.
I promise.
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