Where life leads us

Chapter 49

The days dragged on like chewing gum, the longer the week went, the less time passed. Mirella had only got an appointment for Thursday, which gave me time to think. I didn't really have time for that myself. Even though the days are as slow as ever, I hardly had a minute to think about. Someone wanted something from me all the time. That's why I was looking forward to my long weekend, which started now.

Since the sleep was a little too short, I really slept long on Thursday. So, I even missed lunch. It was just right for me because I just wanted to have a day for myself. There were too many construction sites in my life that I had to sort. At every construction site I close, ten new ones are raised. As soon as Lando and I had rallied together, Mirella had to come with her pregnancy. Why couldn't I even have a boring life without problems? I just want to live a life with Lando without this constant drama in my life. Because these dramas really tugged at my energy and nerves.

To gather energy, I took my phone and room card to go outside. Wearing jogging clothes, I just ran off with headphones, hoping to get out of town or at least to a park. The fact that I had been doing sports myself for a long time, it didn't take me two minutes to get out of breath. I didn't want to stop because I needed the burning in my lungs. It made me feel alive and at least for a few minutes I would forget the rest.

Completely out of breath and completely at the end I let myself fall to the ground and stared into the sky with clouds. My breath went very fast, even faster, but my mind ran around in my head. So fast that I couldn't really think about anything. Feeling so alone, I just started screaming. There were no houses far and wide, and I lay by a small creek alone in the meadow. No one would be bothered or even worried about these screams.

Ever since I decided to stand on my own two feet, my life has descended into chaos. I'd love to go back into my parents' protective arms, but there was none back. At 20, I should also be able to stand without the direct influence of my parents. But for the first time I realized what they had been doing for me all these years. So many things they had always kept away from me that I only noticed now. Being an adult was definitely not as easy as you always thought.

After my voice fell silent, I just felt tired. It wasn't physical fatigue; it was a mental one. I was tired of constantly thinking about what to do with Lando and me. Actually, I shouldn't and didn't want to worry, because the way was clear. But my studies made even the simplest thing in the world so complicated.

I was tired of hearing the rumors about my family and thinking about what was going on. I was tired of worrying about the future of my best friend or Williams' future. In general, I was tired of worrying about something, I just wanted to live and not have to go through everything in my mind.

So, deepened in my mind I almost wouldn't have noticed my phone ringing: "I'm pregnant." My eyes closed for a moment, so the last spark of hope was extinguished in me.

"What are you going to do now?" I asked cautiously. I kept my eyes closed as a beam of light hit me in the face. It felt like he was not only warming me externally, but also giving me strength from within and with me for this conversation.

For a long time, it remained silent: "Laura I can't do this, I can and never wanted to be a mother." I remained silent. Mirella always didn't want children; I knew that too well. When we were children and played with the dolls, she never wanted to be a mother, no she was always just the cool aunt or even godmother. But I hadn't expected that she would have an abortion. She knew that I, too, was an unwanted child. I could be the child in her if you saw it figuratively. As much as it hurt me, I would accept her decision and hold my hand to her.

"No matter what you choose, I'm there. I just don't want you to regret it at all. You shouldn't regret having aborted at some point, but you shouldn't regret it if you keep it. I can't take this decision away from you, you have to make it alone, because I can't look into your head. But I'm there no matter what you choose. Whether it's adoption, retention or abortion, I'm there," I tried to make clear to her.