Where life leads us

Chapter 59

Then there was the coffin and I felt nothing. Everyone around me was visibly grieving and regretting the loss, but I did not regret the woman in the coffin. I felt a bit like a hypocrite because I was at her funeral, and I was actually happy to see her under the floor. She may be my mother's mother, but she had never been a grandmother to me.

On my right side stood my mother and cried bitterly, on the other side was Lando holding my hand. I just needed it because I felt uncomfortable here, between the mourners and the family. Abuela had never seen me as a family member, so I didn't want to sit with them, but Luca insisted because of the press.

So that no one could see my cold look, I wore sunglasses. For the outsiders, it looked like I was hiding my grief underneath, but I couldn't mourn this woman.

On the coffin was a picture of her, which I stared at, as if I could bring her to the grave again. I didn't understand the priest anyway, so I didn't pay attention to him. In the church everything was always the same anyway, even the funerals. I also didn't want to hear other people speak well about the woman who had made my life hell.

My aunt Christina suddenly stood in front and read my grandmother's life story, crying bitterly again and again. My grip on Lando's hand became stronger than anger and bitterness arose in me. Why hadn't the witch just been able to accept me? She shouldn't have loved me, but at least she didn't. My life could have been so much different if she had just accepted me as part of the family.

Mum next to me cried like a castle dog, which made it difficult for me not to cry. With my free hand, I reached for her and held her. A slight smile briefly lay on her lips as she looked at me. She couldn't see my eyes because of the sunglasses, but as a mother she didn't need the well-being either.

Matteo sat between Mum and Luca and just stared at the coffin while our little brother was on his father's lap. As it slowly but too boring for the little one, Luca tried to keep him quietly in a mood. Quietly they saw the hymn book through where from time to time there was a picture inside.

Carefully I turned my head to the other side to Lando, who was sitting in the aisle: "All good?" It was just a hint, but I understood it. I nodded cautiously, even if it slowly became too boring for me. At least Christina was finished with her speech, because I didn't like to see her crying either. Although she had never given me sweet or toys like Aunt Sophia, she had always seen me as part of the family, that had already been enough for me on this side of the family.

Luca, Alejandro (my aunt's husband) and other men went to the coffin as they carried it outside. The pastor and minister of the Mass proceeded. My mother went with Matteo, Javier had taken the hand from Christina and went behind Mum. Lando and I again behind Aunt Christina and Javier, while I cramped held on to Lando, because I was uncomfortable with the looks. I was afraid that someone might notice that I wasn't really trusting.

We walked completely past everyone out of the church and from there directly to the grave. At the moment it was still open and would not be closed until later, after we had all left.

While the men carefully let the coffin down into the hole, we stood behind them. Matteo clung to Mum's leg and looked with glassy eyes at the coffin, which disappeared in the depths. Christina had taken Javier on his arm, who looked around the area, because he didn't understand what was happening. Aunt Christina tried to distract herself with him, while Mum silently wept.

Lando next to me also looked at the coffin, which I did immediately afterwards. The further down the wooden box was, the freer I felt. I knew I shouldn't feel like that, but it felt good to know the witch under the ground. Knowing that she could never inflict more emotional pain on me and was out of my life forever.