Where life leads us

Chapter 15.5 (Special)

From downstairs, I could hear Matteo and Javier screaming, Mum tried to calm them down, but you could expect little boys to be quiet in the morning. So, I lay in my bed, listening to the voices, even though I didn't understand anything that was said.

After the front door closed, silence had entered, and I could try to continue sleeping. But once you were awake, you found sleep badly again, especially when the sun was already shining outside. Frustrated, I slammed the blanket off my feet and stared at the ceiling.

Now that I was awake, I grabbed my phone next to us. To find out the latest stuff, I went directly to Instagram, which I immediately closed again, as the first picture showed Lando. Without looking at any news, I left my phone next to me on the bed and swung my feet over the edge of the bed.

Once, before putting on my bathrobe and pulling the tips out of the safe hiding place between my underwear, I stretched out to have a morning cigarette on my balcony. I was sure that they would all not come before the evening, so I could easily pull the toxin into my lungs without any worries. I tried not to think about anything, but as soon as you didn't want to think about something, you just had to think more about it.

As if it were saving me from my own thoughts, I moved faster on the carcinogenic thing and almost fled into the interior of my room. But even then, I did not find the hoped-for calm, because there was unrest in my head. In such a moment my brothers would have been a great help, because the two were fantastic at distracting. But Javier was in the daycare and Matteo in kindergarten, which of course was so good.

I couldn't call Mirella either, because she was going to have a lecture at university and couldn't make a phone call. To distract myself, I wanted to make myself fresh and first have breakfast. Without the plaster getting wet, I somehow made it into the shower. As soon as the first drops touched my head, the carousel in my head began to turn again, my breath became hectic.
I grabbed shampoo and rubbed it into my hair and some shower gel for my body. I kept my eyes closed while I was under the running water again. In front of my inner eye, the scenes of Monza played out as Vic looked at me anxiously, and we both thought we were going to die.

I felt the power ran out in my memory and I stayed underwater. Frantically, I tried to get to the lever for the water in the shower with my eyes closed to make out the water. But the lever seemed to have disappeared, my breath accelerated as I panicked. That I could have just taken a step back from the beam, I had not realized at that moment, the memory had me under control too much.

My legs felt softer and softer, the closer I came to the memory of my savior. When I felt Lando's arm around me in my memory, my legs gave way, and I sank to the ground. I had got the lever to grasp and was able to exhibit the water. But even if the water was splashing on me even more, the memory did not want to give in.

Lando who tried to free my arm from the tape as quickly as possible, I could just see again. I felt my panic of losing my arm and yet the sense of security Lando gave me. The fear overcame me so much that I ripped the current plastic bag from my arm and threw it away. To hold on more, I crouched in the corner of my own shower and tried to escape my nightmare. But things only got better when Lando managed to free my arm with a knife in my memories. It was as if he had cut through my trance and made me come back into reality.

I was cowering in the corner and taking a deep breath as I felt liberated from my thoughts. Shortly I wanted to close my eyes again to pause and gather. But when Lando's eyes appeared right in front of my inner eye, I reopened my eyes jerky and got up. In a hurry I dried up and put-on fresh clothes and made up as best I could with one hand.
With my mobile phone I went down the stairs, where it was just as quiet as in the whole house. My path took me straight to the kitchen, where I was looking for bread, but only found the vegan version of my mother, which just tasted horrible. So, I decided to go to the city.