Where life leads us

Chapter 12

I had kept my sunglasses in spite of the rain, because my eyes had turned red from crying. The qualifying was over, and I was on my way to Red Bull because I had written to Vic that we would meet there. I still had to apologize to her for my outburst, even if I didn't really regret it. But I was well-educated and that's why I'd apologize.

My hair was already glued to my face, through the sunglasses I could hardly see anything. But I didn't want to take it off, I wouldn't give myself that bloating, enough that almost the whole Williams team had seen me cry. I wouldn't be surprised if Claire withdrew her offer. I was completely embarrassed. Like a small child, I had been screaming at my mother for a dream.

The Dutchwoman stood under a small lead and looked around. When she recognized me, she quickly ran towards me, so that we could now hurry to my father's car. Since he hadn't written anything yet, he probably hadn't noticed the missing car. I prayed that it would stay that way until we were in the hotel.

Wet we arrived at the car and quickly sat down. Since my father hated leather, luckily, they weren't made of leather. So hopefully our wetness wouldn't do anything. Before I strapped on, I quickly checked my plaster, but luckily everything was still good there. Relieved, I let myself fall into the seat and stared out of the front sheath. Outside, people ran to their cars, few had umbrellas or hoods. Most of them looked just as watered as the Dutchwoman and me.

"Sorry for the dispute. I was so tired, and I overreacted," I hadn't taken my gaze from the people outside. From the corner of my eye, I saw Vic even staring forward.

Slowly she turned her head to me: "You don't have to apologize, because you were right. I know you just one day, even if it feels a lot longer. Friends?" Of course, I had turned to her and nodded now. We hugged each other across the center console before Vic set off.

According to the atmosphere outside, we had opted for quiet songs. John Lennon was just sounding, and tears were streaming down my eyes again. All of me was also just too sweet. Who would not want a man like him by his side who was so sweet?

"I'm going to go at a distance," I just slipped out. Vic really knew me so well that she knew who I was talking about. Which gave me a confused look from the side. Since I had said it loudly, I had finally made up my mind. Even if my heart would have just told me to have terminated the friendship. But my mind praised me for this decision, because it seemed to me to be correct.

Of course, she had quickly taken to the streets again: "Did something happen on the date, do I have to castrate it?" She just stopped at a red light and looked at me.

"No, he didn't do anything. I only realized how dangerous his profession is. I then asked myself if I could live with fear. I can't do it. Every weekend I would have to be afraid that my phone would ring, or I would even have to watch. Victoria, I can't," I looked desperately at the Dutchwoman. Hopefully she hadn't seen my watery eyes through my sunglasses, but I think she had heard my desperation.

As it became green, the blonde went back on: "If you think it's the right decision then do it. But talk to him beforehand. He didn't deserve to be ignored. Maybe he can also help you take away the fear. I'm always just a push of a button, you know that? »

I just nodded because My thoughts were already gone. Actually, I had hoped to have a conversation with the Englishman, but Vic was right. He deserves to know what was going on with me. Even though I might make myself a monkey because he only saw me as a friend. I was terrified of the conversation, but I would pull it through, preferably once we were in the hotel. Otherwise, I would probably never do it, that one had seen with the study thing. The problem had dissipated thanks to Claire, maybe I should just wait.

"Don't even think about it, you'll talk to him. Believe me you save him a lot of pain and maybe you too. It may be my brother and not my friend, but I understand your worries and Lando will. I just think it's too late for a retreat," I had only heard silently.

It couldn't be too late. In the 20 years before, no man had managed to conquer my heart properly, how should Lando have made it in less than 2 days. We were just likeable and just because there wasn't more, I wanted to pull the emergency brake. In doing so, I would spare him and me a great deal of suffering and tears.

The trip was far too fast, and we were back at the hotel. We ran from the parking lots to the hotel. In the lobby, Vic handed me the car key. With firm steps I walked behind the reception towards a door. Unable to see any light through the frosted glass, I opened the door and entered my father's office. I quickly rushed to the safe behind the desk and entered my father's date of birth. The safe opened and I put the key back in place before I closed the safe and disappeared out of the room.

There was no trace of Vic, but I saw another person standing in the entrance. Concentrated, she looked at his phone and briefly scratched his neck. Before I walked over to the brown-haired man, I took a deep breath.

"Vic said you wanted to talk," I knew. The Dutchwoman, of course, had to get involved. But now that he already knew that I wanted to talk about something, I had to go through it.

Nervously, I need my hands: "Can we discuss this in your room or my room? Not everyone needs to hear." He nodded uneasy, i.e. it was clear that it would not be something beautiful.

The way to my room stretched like a chewing gum. Neither Lando nor I had said anything. I had been going through my head all the time, as I should tell him. I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter. It would hurt him, or it would be embarrassing for me.

When the door fell behind me into the castle, the Englishman looked at me in a prompt way: "I like you Lando. But in the crash of a driver today, I realized how dangerous F1 can be. I wondered if I could live with it, with the fear for you." Lando looked at me with his dark deer eyes and it broke my heart. His eyes did not shine with joy as usual; they were thoughtful.

"And can you?" he looked down to me with hope. With tears in my eyes, I shook my head. Unable to look me in the eye, he pulled down my sunglasses so that he could see my red eyes.

He tenderly placed a hand on my cheek: "How do you want to know that you can't. You don't even try... I like you Laura, I really like you. But you want to end something that hasn't even begun yet."

I was really good at breaking things off before things got serious. That's what I've always done. The fear of being hurt was great. Every time, I broke off and injured one person in the process. Just, so I wasn't hurt because the person wasn't too close to my heart. Maybe it was the same with Lando. Unconsciously, I was looking for an excuse why it wasn't possible, but the concern for him wasn't even a problem. The concern for my heart was perhaps the real reason.

"I can't," my mouth was faster than my brain. I often curse it for it, as It does now. His view had shaken my decision a bit, but my flap had to slam the door back to Lando.

Injured, he broke away from me: "I understand." Without any further words, he left my room and left me alone. Alone with myself, a rage arose in me. An anger at myself, which is why I would have liked to have taken a hit against something. But this time I kept myself under control.

Shouldn't I feel better now? Because I just felt terrible, but there were no more tears. I had already used them up today, so I was just staring straight out. Over and over again, I went through the conversation and wondered if it was really right. I would like to answer it with a yes, but I certainly wasn't there.

No matter what I thought, it was too late. The fate or even simply my mouth had decided. It must have been the right thing to do, otherwise God would hardly have allowed it. I wasn't as devout as my grandparents and parents, but there's something i.e. there will be.

Cuddled under the blanket I had started watching movies that dinner I would skip. I didn't want to see anyone, certainly not Lando. His sad face was a slap in the stomach. So, I preferred to spend my time watching TV until it knocked on the door. Genetically, I crawled out under the ceiling and opened the door.

"What kind of face do you make?" The emotionless face of Maria looked at me. I would have liked to have thrown the door open and hid under the ceiling again. She just wasn't one of the people I was going to talk to. Actually, there was only one, but thanks to her boyfriend she had no time.

Without waiting for an answer, she entered my room: "No place without you, there is no love of grief. Do you want to talk? » Silently, I shook my head. Whoever thinks Maria would go again was mistaken. She took off her shoes and lay down in my bed. With a hand gesture, she wanted me to sit down with her. I did it sighing, too.

So, I lay in my hotel bed with my stepmother and pulled one snout after another. Maria had n°, you can't imagine how grateful I was for it. Without knowing what was going on, she wanted to be there for me. Such little things meant a lot to me.

I often had to deal with problems on my own. My parents were mostly far away and too busy. My adoptive parents were just as busy working because the bills had to be paid. I did not have a good relationship with my 'siblings', i.e. with the biological children of my adoptive parents. For them, I wasn't one of them, and they were right. I wasn't Garcia or Diez, but a Russo and Lopez.

Cuddling to my stepmother, I watched at the TV. Just that was the big happy ending. My heart became heavy when I saw this. After such a life I longed for, for one they lived happily. But I would never get it, because one was film and the other reality.

"Even though I'm only 6 older. You know I love you, just like your dad, your mom and Luca. No matter what comes, we're there and catch you when you fall... But let's watch a happy movie now," I nodded slightly, smiling. It had been the first time Maria had told me that she was there for me. In my family, people didn't talk about feelings, so such moments were all the more beautiful.

We looked at Asterix and Obelix in the land of the gods. I loved these movies, but the day demanded theirs, so my eyes became heavy. Before they closed. Unfortunately, it didn't take long, and I was underwater again.