Together Forever - (Station 19 fanfic)

TENSE

Bianca's POV :

Days passed since my last episode and I was feeling really good. The only problem was that Carina and Maya had to go back to work so I was going to be all alone. Well, that's what I thought when I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

"Come in."

Maya picked her head through the door frame and looked at me, smiling slightly. "You're okay little one ?"

"Yes." I simply answered.

Maya entered fully the room and went to sit next to me on my bed. I've been here for few weeks now so I had a lot of stuff in my room, and especially stuffed toys on my bed. My mommy had to make space beside me to sit. She rested her back on the headboard and made me lay between her legs, my head on her chest. She started drawing patterns with her fingers on my shirt and moved it to have access to my belly. She was tracing with her fingers on the big scar on my stomach and it was soothing me a lot.

"How are you truly feeling ?" She demanded me.

I sighed. "I'm fine."

But then she stopped her comfortable strokes on my skin, so I whined.

"Don't lie to me honey."

"I'm not."

Now, it's her who sighed. "I know you're not completely okay baby girl. I see how your shoulders are tense and how your breathe is stuck. Tell me what's wrong."

I tried to stay still, not wanting Maya to see that I was on the verge of crying my eyes out.

"It's just- I don't know."

"Don't stop, tell me what you feel."

"I don't know how to explain it to you Maya." I said this time quite loudly, getting exasperated with myself for not knowing how to talk about my feelings

"Shhhh breathe." Maya comforted, and I suddenly felt bad for calling her Maya instead of mommy. She was my mommy now, but every time I was frustrated with them or myself I would cut off my feelings towards them and I would call them with their names instead of moms.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to say mommy but-"

"Don't apologize sweetheart, there is nothing to be sorry for. You don't have to stick up to mommy, mamma or Maya and Carina. You do whatever you want, you say whatever you're comfortable with. Don't you worry for that."

I smiled through my now flowing tears, and I felt mommy's arms hugging me tight.

"Now tell me. Tell me what you feel."

"I- It's hard to explain. It's so hard to express it. But I think I'm stressed that I'll be all alone when mamma and you will come back to work. I can't be alone. I can't- I-"

"Hey breathe Bianca breathe." Maya ordered me as my breathing was becoming shallower.

It took me few minutes to calm back down and mommy turned me around to face her, straddling her waist but my upper body was laying on hers, and my ear was right next to her heart, and I could hear it beat, which soothed me a lot.

"Listen to me my love. You won't be alone, never. Mamma and I will try to alternate our days at work so you won't stay alone even one minute. And if it must happen because of an emergency or something, you will stay with Meredith, Jo, Teddy, Amelia, Maggie, Andy, Travis, Vic... You know, you have a whole village caring for you sunshine. You won't be alone, never."

"But I want to be with you, with both of you !" I cried in mommy's chest, wiping my tears on her top.

"Well, we'll try to have days for the three of us. And we'll do things you enjoy."

"Like going to the ocean ??" I asked full of hope.

"Like actually going to the real ocean. Not only seeing it on TV or in books. You'll be able to swim in it, even look at fishes."

My eyes sparkled at the thought of this little trip, and mommy explained to me that I had to keep it in mind each time I wasn't feeling good. She said I needed goals in life, and I needed to fight for what and who I loved and that her and mamma will always help me to do so.

"Do you want to talk about something else ?" She questioned me but I shook my head. She must have understand that talking about my feelings was hard, and probably didn't want to pressure me, and I was thankful for it.

We cuddled together until Carina called us for dinner and the evening ended in a good mood, watching Acquaman.