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thank you guys so much for bringing Because Of A Locker to 100+ reads in less than twenty four hours! it means so much to me :')
chapter 2 is coming very soon,buckle up!
i love you all<3
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reader :)
"Why do you work here?"
I looked up from my notepad to see Johnny's green eyes watching me with mild curiosity,the question fell off his lips dryly. I took a glance around the diner,sending Lola a smile from across where she was serving a couple,almost chuckling when I saw Gary peek from the kitchen's small window.
I turned my attention back to Johnny and gave him a shrug with a content smile,"I like it here,"
"Obviously you do. Why though?",he cocked a brow upward.
I gazed at him in thought,trying to come up with a better answer than 'I like it here because it doesn't feel as lonely as it does at home where I have to watch my mother act like a breathing corpse'.
"I don't know,",I gave him a light and distracted shake of my head,"I just do."
His calculating eyes didn't move away from me,he gazed at me without a single word,as if he was trying to figure something out. But a few heartbeats later he leaned back in his seat lazily,one hand bringing the menu closer to him.
"You're weird.",he said in his dead voice. I chuckled at that,"I really am."
Johnny was here without Asher today. He said something about Asher having to take his younger sister shopping. Currently,Johnny was deciding upon his order and I was waiting for him to do so.
"So,what do you want to eat?",I asked him for the third time. He grunted again,"I don't fucking know yet. A grilled cheese maybe," "Do you want me to add a mocha milkshake to it?",I suggested. "You'll probably poison it,so no.",he said with a small tug at the corner of his lips.
"I won't! It'll help with your grumpiness,",I pressed with a hint of hope in my voice. "Whatever. If I cough out blood,you're to blame.",he dismissed.
I grinned at this,happy that he agreed to the mocha milkshake. I skipped to where Gary raised a quizzical brow at me,"Did he ask you out?",he asked,a tease in his voice. My eyes widened,my cheeks heating up just a little,"No!",I squeaked out. Gary smirked,taking the slip of paper from my hand. I gave his arm a light push to get his head away from the window,playfully telling him to get back to work.
My eyes roamed around the place and came to a halt when I noticed an old man sitting all by himself in one of the corners,watching the couple a few tables away from him with a pained smile.
My heart tugged when he looked down at his plate of food and let out a sigh,his smile vanishing and fingers massaging the crease on his forehead.
"Hey,Gary?",I called out to Gary with my eyes still on the small frame of the old man,"Tell Lola that I'll be off for a few minutes."
I didn't wait for his reply,I found myself walking over to the man's table. When I was standing two feet away from him,I pulled on a friendly smile on my lips and cleared my throat to catch his attention. He looked up at me through his big spectacles and I noticed how tired he looked,wrinkles covering most of his face.
"Good evening,sir,",I greeted him in a soft voice,"May I take a seat? If you don't mind?" He glanced at the seat in front of him and back at me,giving me a slow nod.
I sat down and gave him a toothy grin,"My name is y/n,"
It was around ten minutes or more when the old man had finally cleared his plate. I had introduced myself briefly,making sure to be friendly and welcoming the entire time. Eventually,he grew comfortable. While he ate he told me about his wife who had passed away a couple months ago,I listened without interruption. It fascinated me how he spoke about her,his broken features glowing as he recalled his favourite memories of his wife,I adored how even after so many years,his love for her hadn't died.
When I saw him sitting all by himself at the table,looking sad as if missing someone's presence,I couldn't help but approach him. I knew how it felt to be alone,to have no one to talk to. He was very kind and gentle,insisting on leaving me a tip larger than necessary. I politely denied,telling him that I enjoyed hearing him talk contentedly about his wife and that it was more than what any tip could do.
He gave me a kind smile,"There aren't many kids like you these days,dear girl. May god bless you,"
I returned his warm and parently smile - something I hadn't seen from my parents in years - and bid him goodbye. I watched him leave,feeling happiness swell in my chest when the frown that he had walked in with had turned into a genuine and wrinkled smile as he waved at me from outside the cafe doors,leaving shortly after.
With the warmth still in my chest,I looked over at Johnny's table to find him looking back at me. I gave him a smile and walked over to his table.
"How's the mocha milkshake treating you?",I asked with a questioning eye brow,reminding myself to thank Lola for filling in for me for the few minutes that I had been at the old man's table.
He gave me a shrug of his shoulders,"I'm not dying,so I guess just fine." His voice was still blank.
"I guess I'll leave you to it,then. Let me know if you need anything,",I gave him a nod with a smile while saying and walked off to serve another table.
Minutes later when I was preparing the tray to carry the ordered food to its respective table,Johnny came up to the counter,his beanie on and a few strands of his silky hair falling on the side of his forehead.
"How may I help you?",I asked playfully.
"I think I know why you like working here,",he replied,a slight challenge in his voice. I raised an eye brow at that,"You do? Enlighten me then,sir,"
He leaned in closer,his eyes gleaming with the same challenge,"That old man,you're as lonely as him."
My smile dropped,my hands stopped arranging the tray. Feeling a punch at my chest,I moved my clouded eyes to look at Johnny. There was no pity in his eyes,no empathy. They were hollow. He was empty and insensitive,at least that is what his eyes screamed.
"You find solace in strangers. People can treat you like absolute crap,but you'll still convince yourself that theres good in them. You're running,you're running away from something. This,",he gestured behind him at the diner,"Is your escape. Not the diner,but the strangers that walk in. They're your temporary distraction."
My throat was dry,my breathing was slow as I looked straight into the hooded pools of green in his eyes.
He lowered his voice,his eyes caging me in position,"You're alone. And you try not to be." He then pulled his hood over his beanie,straightening himself by increasing the distance between us. He turned around,not seeming to care about the state he'd put me in with his words.
"And,",he looked over his shoulder,"The school's counsellor isn't exactly the right person to fill in the empty space."
And then he walked out.
I watched him leave,my eyes following his figure as he got in his black Brabus and drove away. My lips felt drier than usual,my shoulders suddenly felt heavy,there was a growing pit in my chest,my ears were ringing with the thumps of my heartbeat. But now wasn't the time to feel.
So I plastered the smile that I'd taught myself to put on no matter how I was feeling,the smile that automatically told everyone that I was fine.
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reader :)
I parked my bike by our garage in a rush and hurried over inside the house,discarding my shoes by the foyer and walking in,looking around for my mother. I called out for her,checked the kitchen and living room,then jogged upstairs to her room.
She was working,so I knocked on her door. She glanced up at me,"I've already had dinner,if that's what you wanted to know,"
Even though it wasn't the first time this had happened,I still felt a pang at my chest after knowing that she didn't bother to wait for me so that we could have dinner together. I shook my head and fished in my backpack for what I was really looking forward to.
I pulled out two movie tickets and held them up,"I got us an evening show tomorrow,after your work and my shift,"
She looked uninterested as always,"Sure."
I tried not to sound too hopeful,"You'll be home by then? So that we can grab something to eat before the movie?"
"Ok.",was all she said before going back to her laptop,plugging in headphones.
I took this as a signal for me to get out,so I did. With a giddy smile on my lips,I walked back to my room. Maybe my mother and I hadn't drifted as much as I thought we did. A movie and dinner out could be the start of growing back what we had before,something that we lost when my father walked out on us.
In my hope for tomorrow,I forgot all about dinner and began doing my homework.
That night,I went to bed with Johnny's words playing in my head.
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johnny :)
"Heard you were lost in the woods with some loser at camp,",Amanda said in a low voice as she put her hand on my shoulder.
"Really? I heard you were busy throwing someone's bag in the lake.",I replied in a bored tone.
Her hand stiffened but she didn't move it away,"Why do you let her hang around you and Asher so much? You can do so much better than that sucker,",her voice turned lower and she glued herself closer to me.
"I don't know what you're talking about.",I shrugged and pushed her away lightly.
"You don't?",her pitch increased,catching a few eyes of other people present in the hallway,"That girl,you seem to enjoy her company a lot. Is she making you soft? Or is she just an easy fuck?"
My eyes snapped in her direction,my voice turned hard as I snapped,"What did you just say?"
Amanda smirked,"Don't tell me she's just your friend. Asher's the only friend you have,probably the only one you're capable of having. She's obviously giving you something for you to keep her around,that loser."
Was she trying to imply that I was using y/n for a damn fuck?
I slammed my locker shut,taking a threatening step closer to her,glaring at her with burning hatred,"Just because I'm not responding positively to your attempts to bed me like every other guy you've ever spoken to,doesn't mean you can make false and bullshit conclusions of your own."
Amanda's eyes were wide,her lips were quivering,I noticed her hands form into fists.
"You're an asshole,",she spat.
"Never said I wasn't.",I smirked. I would've felt a pinch of guilt if I had said it without reason. But I was tired of telling Amanda that I wasn't interested in anything she wanted to say. I don't remember giving her a hint that I wanted any sort of relation with her.
As I walked down the hallway,ignoring the multiple stares of all the pesky students this school had,I noticed a familiar figure standing at a distance.
Y/n waited a second before she took her first step and in a second,she was making her way over to me.
"Hey,",she said once she was at an arm's distance. I just rolled my eyes,ignoring the tug of guilt in the corner of my chest after I remember what I'd said to her yesterday. Y/n hadn't given me any reason to treat her like I did,but I felt like I had to,like I needed to.
"You were wrong.",her voice came out steady,no trace of smile on her lips. I raised an eye brow.
"It's not because I'm alone,its not because I feel lonely. It's not because I have an empty space,",I immediately knew she was referring to what I'd said to her yesterday. She took a confident step closer,"It's because I don't want anyone else to be alone,I don't want anybody else to feel how I feel,I don't want someone to be in my place. Its because I want to fill their space so that,just for the few moments that I can make them forget their emptiness,they don't feel as lonely as I do."
Her words processed through my mind over and over again before I noticed that everyone in hearing range was staring at us.
Amanda's words rang through my mind. She said I was going soft,they all thought I was going soft over a girl,over y/n. That couldn't happen,I won't let it. Nobody is going to crumble under my walls,my walls won't break for anyone.
So with a pang of guilt in my chest,I turned my gaze into an icy glare.
"Great,are you done now? Do you want an applause?",I hissed out,hating myself for it the moment I saw the neutral look on y/n's face turn into a frown.
I stepped closer to her,clenching my jaw and feigning anger. I had to let everyone know that I wasn't going soft for any loser. "News flash,I don't fucking care about what you do. Do I need to fucking spell it out so that you go away?"
I wanted her to hit me,to turn around and leave so that I wouldn't have to say anything else to her.
"Why are you doing this?",her voice came out soft,on the verge of breaking.
I almost crumbled but a glance around at the crowd that was watching brought me back to my senses.
"I've been telling you since the first damn day,you just don't seem to get the crystal clear hint. I don't want you,I don't fucking care about your reasons. Quit following me around like a lost puppy. Find yourself some real friends,you obviously don't have any."
I saw tears swell up in her eyes,it made me blink and look away.
With a clench of my fist,I lifted my other hand up to her face's length. "Don't come near me again.",I gave her the finger and didn't wait another second to walk past her,knowing that if I'd seen the look of disappointment on her face,the face that was always positive,I would've taken back everything I said.
I just glanced over my shoulder when I heard chuckles and laughter come from behind me,y/n stood in the middle of the semi-circle that had formed around her,people commenting and pointing at her as she stood motionless.
I was a dick and not everyone deserved it,especially not her. I bit down on my lip until I tasted blood,thinking of how good I was at disappointing people.
What I didn't know was that y/n wasn't disappointed,she was just sad. Sad that she'd hoped for me to reciprocate her efforts.
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reader :)
Johnny's words were the only thing that kept playing in my head no matter how hard I tried to shut them out. Some part in me wanted to believe that he didn't mean any of it,that something inside of him - his usual demonear had forced it out of him. If he did or didn't mean it,it still stung like a fresh stab even after I'd pedaled back home from the diner that evening.
My mother and were I supposed to go watch a movie after grabbing some diner nearby,so when I got home,I felt unsurprised and sad at the same time when I didn't see her car in the drive way.
A search through the house confirmed my suspicion that she wasn't home yet. I decided to change into some fresh clothes and freshen up.
I waited for her,texted her even. But no response ever came. I gave up after over an hour of waiting for her to show up,knowing that we'd already missed the movie. I checked my phone to see whether there were any from her - or from Johnny - but there were none from either of them.
I sat in my room,dressed up for what was supposed to be a night out with my mother,my phone lying next to me on the bed.
I thought of how I'd asked for an early leave from the diner,making the effort to get home in time for us to leave,and she couldn't even bother to remember it,to at least text me that she was caught up in work.
It was a few moments later that a humourless chuckle escaped my lips,turning into the most painful laugh I'd ever experienced. A single tear slipped as I stood up from my bed,still chucking in pain like a maniac,and walked over to the wall in front of me.
"Stupid,",my shaky voice whispered in the dead silence of my room,"Stupid to hope that she'd be here,that he would want to be your friend!"
My hand formed into a fist as I brought it up,stretching my arm behind and taking a swing at the hard wall. I felt a jolt of pain as my knuckles throbbed from the punch I'd thrown at the motionless wall. That's when tears cascaded down unstoppably. Before I knew it,my other hand took a jab at the wall too.
I kept throwing empty punches at the wall until I noticed blood on it,my knuckles were numb,it was my chest that hurt the most,I felt like I was being choked.
I slid down against the wall,my knuckles bloodied and badly scraped,a wrenching sob escaping my swollen lips as I let out a strangled cry,my hands finding my hair and tugging at it painfully. I felt helpless,like everything was falling apart,my father's absence and my mother's lack of interest and care for me,Johnny's words,everything hurt so badly.
That's when I realised,as I sat alone in the empty house,face swollen and stained with tears,knuckles bloodied,that Johnny was right.
I was alone. I was lonely. I had always known it,but today there was a difference.
The difference was that I couldn't deny it.
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