I Sold Myself to the Devil for Vinyls... Pitiful I Know

I Sold Myself To The Devil For Vinyls... Pitiful I Know (51)

"My what?" I hissed, raising my head.

"Don't interrupt kid" dad chuckled "I just want you to be careful you know? I don't want you to make mistakes... I don't want you to regret anything..."

"Don't worry dad!"

"Well you know, kids always say that and then they come home and announced that they're expecting twins and that they're going to leave us the babies because they want to find their hippies side down in Guatemala... I love you kid but I ain't raising another baby!"

I don't know if I was supposed to laugh or drop my head on the counter again and hit it a few times...

"Again dad, trust me you don't need to worry!" I assured him.

I didn't want to go into al the specifics of the whys it would be impossible starting by the really obvious fact that well... Blake and I... not happening... I mean he was Blake... he trusted me, yes, but would he ever want to BE with me? That was pretty hard to believe... I mean he could have ANYONE he wanted... why in hell would he want ME? I was his friend. He trusted me. And so far, it stopped there. And I had to keep myself in check, because I didn't want to loose that, or scare him away... I wanted him to be part of my life, I wanted to keep talking with him and making jokes with him and hanging out with him... I didn't want to lose that for something that wasn't going to happen... right?

I didn't want to lose Blake and go back to the time when I wasn't speaking with him. I knew Blake now and it was a nice feeling.

But I just didn't trust myself to be enough...

I mean what did I have to offer that Blake couldn't find in anyone else? Because I mean every time it seemed like "something" was going to "happen" between us he would just back away... He probably wanted us to just stay friends...

"What are you thinking about kid?" dad asked, breaking me from my mind rambling, touching my arm.

"Nothing..." I trailed shaking my head slightly.

"You know... it worried me... when your mom left and then your sister... I was worried, still worry, that you don't have a feminine presence in your life. You know someone older you can talk with about all those things..." dad frowned.

"I'm perfectly fine dad. I don't want to sound like a broken record, but trust me, you don't have to worry about me. At all!" I said again.

"Alright... because see... here's the thing... Your brother's been low lately... and I wanted to take him to a basketball game on Wednesday. We'd come back Thursday night... but I mean, if it seems like I should worry about you..." he trailed.

"I can always stay at Alex's" I offered.

"Yes I know... and I can trust you too... I mean I know it's kind of unfair, and I'd take you but I could only get my hands on two tickets, but if you want to come and go shopping while we're there or something I'd be more than happy to have you with us too..."

"Well I have a play to do on Thursday... plus you guys need boy time" I smiled a little.

It could have been fun to go, but I just didn't feel like it... plus I would probably be like the third wheel or something...

"So I can trust you?" my father asked, picking up all the sheets scattered everywhere around him.

"Yes dad"

"Alright... now go to sleep kid, you have school tomorrow" he smiled and I got up, hugged him and ran upstairs.

I mean it wasn't like it was going to be a big deal, I was alone quite often. Plus it was a week day, and I wasn't Anna. It's not like I was going to throw a party!