I Sold Myself to the Devil for Vinyls... Pitiful I Know (81)

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Well this is shorter than I expected.. Oh well.

So hope you enjoy it and sorry for the wait.

Mama is getting a little tired right now.. it's 6AM and her bed is calling to her! lol

Enjoy! :D

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I didn’t turn back. I should have turned back, I wanted to turn back but I couldn’t turn back. Turning back meant facing him and I couldn’t face him, not after saying those things to him, not after hearing him saying those things to me.

I couldn’t believe I had screamed at him that way and said those things. I couldn’t believe everything that had just happened.

And it was my fault because I hadn’t called. I had forgotten to call, that’s why Kendal had been there. But in a way, wasn’t it just better for me to know she was there, know about her? Wasn’t it better to know?

The whole him dating her still completely baffled me. What the hell was up with that? What the hell was up with everything? And why had I freaked out so much. I should have calmed down, breathed a few times, sit down and think things through. Why did I have to over think everything but then freak and not think at all? There was something obviously wrong with me.

And I was mad at Blake but I was even more furious with myself.

Had I screwed up everything? I had, hadn’t I?

It took me almost an hour to get back home. I had to stop many many times by the side of the road to control my choking sob and never ending tears.

And when I did get home, dad completely freaked out but I didn’t want to explain it, didn’t want to talk about it, I couldn’t talk about it. Talking about it just made me realize how freaking stupid I was!

But why couldn’t he had just told me on the phone last night? Why couldn’t he have told me it was Kendal that was there. Okay I still probably would have freaked but at least I would have had time to process things just a bit more.

But it didn’t make things completely alright though. Because Blake had dated his brother’s girlfriend and that was wrong in my mind. I couldn’t understand that. And she had been in his room, in a freaking bathrobe and wasn’t it normal to freak a bit if the guy’s ex walked out of his bathroom, almost naked?

And to top it all off the girl had been a total bitch. What kind of girl was that? Was that the kind of girl Blake liked? That were complete and utter bitches? If that’s what Blake wanted I couldn’t be that…

I locked myself up in my room, and basically just cried. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because in a way what had happen was my fault, I had freaked, but I couldn’t help it. Maybe if Blake had explained, maybe if I hadn’t been shouting, things would have gone differently. But I hadn’t and they hadn’t.

And it hurt, it hurt so much because I loved Blake. I loved him but at the same time I was so angry at him and disappointed. I just wanted to punch something and curl into a little ball and cry all the tears in my body at the same time.

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